Chapter 86

Somedays… I question getting out of bed.

I’d add today to that list because… dying.

And I really don’t want to d ie. But how cr uel is this world

that the one thing I wanted… The one thing I hoped could be

granted to me finally is.

Only when I’m too si ck to see the dream become a reality.

I think of the little boy or girl who I’ll probably never get to hold. The eyes like mine or dark like Aaron’s. If they’d have his strength and my compassion. If they’d like chocolate or vanilla

ice cream.

I close my eyes and imagine their laughter. Their first steps.

Seeing them grow up and marry and start their own families.

The hugs and cuddles I’ll never feel. The baby I’ll never get to feed or rock to sleep.

beautiful milestone of a child’s life. Walking, talking, learning to read, to ride a bike. Teaching my child to swim

climb trees.

arms when they’re

love them each night before they

to

grab my phone. I scroll to

call

him to have the truth. To share this joy-however brief

think he’d be happy.

shouldn’t

pack would be pleased. It cements Aaron’s claim to this pack through

stomach.

much love swirls in my heart I feel like I

to

ca ncer. You can try

life

probably the right

doesn’t feel right.

deserves a chance.

through my phone to another name. The

no matter how much I need him to

I hit send.

is answered on the second ring. “Hey

That voice.

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