Chapter 86

Somedays… I question getting out of bed.

I’d add today to that list because… dying.

And I really don’t want to d ie. But how cr uel is this world

that the one thing I wanted… The one thing I hoped could be

granted to me finally is.

Only when I’m too si ck to see the dream become a reality.

I think of the little boy or girl who I’ll probably never get to hold. The eyes like mine or dark like Aaron’s. If they’d have his strength and my compassion. If they’d like chocolate or vanilla

ice cream.

I close my eyes and imagine their laughter. Their first steps.

Seeing them grow up and marry and start their own families.

The hugs and cuddles I’ll never feel. The baby I’ll never get to feed or rock to sleep.

Walking, talking, learning to read, to ride a bike. Teaching my child to swim and

climb trees.

in my arms when they’re si ck or scared.

them each night before they fall

come to me

grab my phone. I scroll to Aaron’s

call

the truth. To share this joy-however brief it may be

least…I think he’d be happy.

probably shouldn’t

Aaron’s claim to this pack through my baby. I touch my

stomach.

much love swirls in my heart I feel like I can’t

to abort. You

can

values my life over my

it’s probably the

it doesn’t feel

deserves

scroll through my phone to another name. The

never far from my mind, no matter

it. I hit

call is answered on the second ring. “Hey Leah.”

That voice.

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