Chapter 86

Somedays… I question getting out of bed.

I’d add today to that list because… dying.

And I really don’t want to d ie. But how cr uel is this world

that the one thing I wanted… The one thing I hoped could be

granted to me finally is.

Only when I’m too si ck to see the dream become a reality.

I think of the little boy or girl who I’ll probably never get to hold. The eyes like mine or dark like Aaron’s. If they’d have his strength and my compassion. If they’d like chocolate or vanilla

ice cream.

I close my eyes and imagine their laughter. Their first steps.

Seeing them grow up and marry and start their own families.

The hugs and cuddles I’ll never feel. The baby I’ll never get to feed or rock to sleep.

of a child’s life. Walking, talking, learning to read, to ride a bike. Teaching my child

climb trees.

arms when they’re si ck

them I love them each night before

come to

my phone. I scroll to

call

have the truth. To share

think he’d be happy.

shouldn’t

my pack would be pleased. It cements Aaron’s claim

stomach.

in my heart I feel like I can’t contain

need to abort. You

combat the ca ncer. You can try again for

life over

the right

it doesn’t

deserves

scroll through my phone to another

matter how much I need him to

it. I hit

call is answered on the second

That voice.

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