Chapter 86

Somedays… I question getting out of bed.

I’d add today to that list because… dying.

And I really don’t want to d ie. But how cr uel is this world

that the one thing I wanted… The one thing I hoped could be

granted to me finally is.

Only when I’m too si ck to see the dream become a reality.

I think of the little boy or girl who I’ll probably never get to hold. The eyes like mine or dark like Aaron’s. If they’d have his strength and my compassion. If they’d like chocolate or vanilla

ice cream.

I close my eyes and imagine their laughter. Their first steps.

Seeing them grow up and marry and start their own families.

The hugs and cuddles I’ll never feel. The baby I’ll never get to feed or rock to sleep.

life. Walking, talking, learning to read, to ride a bike. Teaching my

climb trees.

them in my arms when they’re

them each night before

to me and

I scroll to Aaron’s

call

me wants him to have the truth. To share

think he’d be

shouldn’t

cements Aaron’s claim to this pack through my baby.

stomach.

swirls in my heart I feel like I can’t

We need to abort.

the ca ncer. You can try

my life over my

the right choice, objectively.

doesn’t feel right.

baby deserves

to another name. The

my mind, no matter how much I need him

I hit

call is answered on the

That voice.

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