Chapter 86

Somedays… I question getting out of bed.

I’d add today to that list because… dying.

And I really don’t want to d ie. But how cr uel is this world

that the one thing I wanted… The one thing I hoped could be

granted to me finally is.

Only when I’m too si ck to see the dream become a reality.

I think of the little boy or girl who I’ll probably never get to hold. The eyes like mine or dark like Aaron’s. If they’d have his strength and my compassion. If they’d like chocolate or vanilla

ice cream.

I close my eyes and imagine their laughter. Their first steps.

Seeing them grow up and marry and start their own families.

The hugs and cuddles I’ll never feel. The baby I’ll never get to feed or rock to sleep.

of a child’s life. Walking, talking, learning to read, to ride a bike. Teaching my

climb trees.

them in my arms when they’re si ck or scared.

them each night

thoughts come to me and

phone. I scroll to Aaron’s

to call him.

to have the truth.

he’d be happy.

shouldn’t assume.

that my pack would be pleased. It cements Aaron’s claim to

stomach.

swirls in my heart I feel like I can’t contain

need to abort. You

ncer. You can try

my life

the

doesn’t

deserves a chance.

through my phone to another name. The one

no matter how much I

I hit send.

call is answered on the second ring.

That voice.

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