Chapter 86

Somedays… I question getting out of bed.

I’d add today to that list because… dying.

And I really don’t want to d ie. But how cr uel is this world

that the one thing I wanted… The one thing I hoped could be

granted to me finally is.

Only when I’m too si ck to see the dream become a reality.

I think of the little boy or girl who I’ll probably never get to hold. The eyes like mine or dark like Aaron’s. If they’d have his strength and my compassion. If they’d like chocolate or vanilla

ice cream.

I close my eyes and imagine their laughter. Their first steps.

Seeing them grow up and marry and start their own families.

The hugs and cuddles I’ll never feel. The baby I’ll never get to feed or rock to sleep.

milestone of a child’s life. Walking, talking, learning to read, to ride a bike. Teaching my

climb trees.

them in my arms when

each night before they fall asleep.

to me

grab my phone. I scroll to Aaron’s

call him.

truth. To share this joy-however brief it may be for me.

he’d be happy.

probably shouldn’t

It cements Aaron’s claim to this pack through

stomach.

I

We need to abort. You

to combat the ca ncer. You can

values my life over my child’s.

probably the

doesn’t feel

baby deserves a

phone to

from my mind, no matter how much I need him

it. I

the second ring.

That voice.

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