Chapter 86

Somedays… I question getting out of bed.

I’d add today to that list because… dying.

And I really don’t want to d ie. But how cr uel is this world

that the one thing I wanted… The one thing I hoped could be

granted to me finally is.

Only when I’m too si ck to see the dream become a reality.

I think of the little boy or girl who I’ll probably never get to hold. The eyes like mine or dark like Aaron’s. If they’d have his strength and my compassion. If they’d like chocolate or vanilla

ice cream.

I close my eyes and imagine their laughter. Their first steps.

Seeing them grow up and marry and start their own families.

The hugs and cuddles I’ll never feel. The baby I’ll never get to feed or rock to sleep.

to read, to ride a bike. Teaching my

climb trees.

arms when they’re si

each night before they fall

come to me and

I

to call him.

to have the truth. To share this joy-however brief it may be for

he’d

shouldn’t

don’t know that my pack would be pleased. It cements Aaron’s claim to this pack through my baby. I

stomach.

heart I

me: We need to abort. You

You can

life over my

probably the right choice,

doesn’t feel right.

baby deserves a

my phone to another name. The

mind, no matter how

it. I hit send.

answered on the second

That voice.

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