Chapter 86

Somedays… I question getting out of bed.

I’d add today to that list because… dying.

And I really don’t want to d ie. But how cr uel is this world

that the one thing I wanted… The one thing I hoped could be

granted to me finally is.

Only when I’m too si ck to see the dream become a reality.

I think of the little boy or girl who I’ll probably never get to hold. The eyes like mine or dark like Aaron’s. If they’d have his strength and my compassion. If they’d like chocolate or vanilla

ice cream.

I close my eyes and imagine their laughter. Their first steps.

Seeing them grow up and marry and start their own families.

The hugs and cuddles I’ll never feel. The baby I’ll never get to feed or rock to sleep.

milestone of a child’s life. Walking, talking, learning to read, to ride a bike. Teaching my child to

climb trees.

in my arms when

them I love them each night before they

to me and melt

my phone. I scroll

to call him.

wants him to have the truth. To share this joy-however brief it

think he’d be

shouldn’t

my pack would be pleased. It cements Aaron’s claim to this pack through my baby. I touch my

stomach.

much love swirls in my heart I feel like I can’t contain

We need to abort. You can

can try again

my life

probably the

doesn’t feel right.

deserves a chance.

phone to another name. The

from my mind, no matter how

ew it. I hit

on the second ring. “Hey Leah.”

That voice.

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