Chapter 86

Somedays… I question getting out of bed.

I’d add today to that list because… dying.

And I really don’t want to d ie. But how cr uel is this world

that the one thing I wanted… The one thing I hoped could be

granted to me finally is.

Only when I’m too si ck to see the dream become a reality.

I think of the little boy or girl who I’ll probably never get to hold. The eyes like mine or dark like Aaron’s. If they’d have his strength and my compassion. If they’d like chocolate or vanilla

ice cream.

I close my eyes and imagine their laughter. Their first steps.

Seeing them grow up and marry and start their own families.

The hugs and cuddles I’ll never feel. The baby I’ll never get to feed or rock to sleep.

talking, learning to read, to ride a

climb trees.

them in my arms when

them each night before

hundred thoughts come to

phone. I scroll

call

me wants him to have the truth. To share

he’d

shouldn’t assume.

pack would be pleased. It cements Aaron’s claim to

stomach.

much love swirls in my heart I feel like I can’t contain it.

me: We need to

combat the ca ncer. You can try again for a baby, Leah.

life

probably the

doesn’t feel right.

deserves a

through my phone to another name. The one

never far from my mind, no matter how much I need him

it. I

the second ring.

That voice.

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