Caged Between the beta & alpha

A week had passed , and I finally decided t o brave stepping outside .

Everyone was being extra supportive , constantly keeping me company or mind linking me t o ask how I’m feeling or what I’m up to but really , I just needed everyone to act normal .

I didn’t want this pity .

Kiara was the only one who really understood that , when she texted , it was just pictures of the twins or Dante , or talking about general things .

I just wanted everything to return to normal , but could they ? My emotions were hot and cold , I went from happy to utterly defeated within moments of each other

.

Sometimes I’d remember flashes of the cottage and him telling me he would wait for me , and then I’d see him ripping through my neck .

I kept waking up at night , those bottomless pits of his eyes flashing in my mind , his canines out as he bit me ….

My last thoughts were always the same in my nightmares .

Liam won’t hurt me .

I now wrapped my arms around myself as

I walked through the pack grounds , just fresh air .

wanting to think things through in the I had wanted to return to training but Damon had said it was better I didn’t , I knew why : Everyone was talking .

I’m going to have to face it sooner or later .

I didn’t want to be cocooned up .

Sighing , I tugged at the sleeve of my ribbed black shirt , which had three buttons at the top which I had left open .

I was wearing some ripped jeans with net tights under , paired with some black heeled boots .

I looked at the small plushie in my hand .

Sparks … I wanted to go back to the graveyard but I hadn’t been able to … Right now , I just need someone to talk to .

He was the only real family I had , I’m sure if he was here , he’d love me , right ? I heard snickering and looked up to see Owen smirking as he walked past me , smart enough not to push me .

Guess he learned his lesson last time .

I ignored him and headed to the graveyard .

It was a dull day today … I pushed open the small gate and made my way over to Renji’s grave .

I sat down on my knees before it and looked down at it .

Like always , it was well kept .

” Hello Renji , I hope you’re ok … A lot’s happened since the last time I came here ….

I’m sorry it took me so long when I promised to meet you …

wasn’t allowed to come … I’m sorry

or not ? ” I asked softly , placing Sparks at the foot

He’s s o happy to be here

as a soft wind blew through my hair

I was going to reject

were going to

… but … He marked me forcefully … and I haven’t seen him

I don’t know

times I feel numb , at others confused , upset , hurt … I know what he did wasn’t right , but I also know that Helios ‘ curse isn’t something we

about him

scared … ”

I

mention him and everyone gets

I haven’t mind linked him either …

” I whispered .

, but at the same time

in him was strong , but wasn’t this the time to help him ? The fear of what might happen was still there , but

my shoulder and I gasped , jerking away as I stared

my thoughts that I hadn’t even

” She asked with

wiping my

,

I said , sniffling

a strong woman

to

, her eyes filled with confidence as

I hoped so .

I don’t know what to do ” I’m going

Thank you .

said softly

and she

glanced at Renji’s grave , bidding him a silent farewell before

Uncle El a few days ago when he had visited me at Damon’s … (

, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans as

was just the two of us , Damon was out , and although I wanted to return to the

looked down at my knees

got this , I can

alright to feel like that Raven

said

need to stop trying to accept things

stayed quiet and

to own everything ? I want her back , I want her

if it’s meant to be broken , it

but it doesn’t mean you need to be sacrificed or influenced to

want without any external

you feeling guilty of this or that