Caged Between the beta & alpha

A week had passed , and I finally decided t o brave stepping outside .

Everyone was being extra supportive , constantly keeping me company or mind linking me t o ask how I’m feeling or what I’m up to but really , I just needed everyone to act normal .

I didn’t want this pity .

Kiara was the only one who really understood that , when she texted , it was just pictures of the twins or Dante , or talking about general things .

I just wanted everything to return to normal , but could they ? My emotions were hot and cold , I went from happy to utterly defeated within moments of each other

.

Sometimes I’d remember flashes of the cottage and him telling me he would wait for me , and then I’d see him ripping through my neck .

I kept waking up at night , those bottomless pits of his eyes flashing in my mind , his canines out as he bit me ….

My last thoughts were always the same in my nightmares .

Liam won’t hurt me .

I now wrapped my arms around myself as

I walked through the pack grounds , just fresh air .

wanting to think things through in the I had wanted to return to training but Damon had said it was better I didn’t , I knew why : Everyone was talking .

I’m going to have to face it sooner or later .

I didn’t want to be cocooned up .

Sighing , I tugged at the sleeve of my ribbed black shirt , which had three buttons at the top which I had left open .

I was wearing some ripped jeans with net tights under , paired with some black heeled boots .

I looked at the small plushie in my hand .

Sparks … I wanted to go back to the graveyard but I hadn’t been able to … Right now , I just need someone to talk to .

He was the only real family I had , I’m sure if he was here , he’d love me , right ? I heard snickering and looked up to see Owen smirking as he walked past me , smart enough not to push me .

Guess he learned his lesson last time .

I ignored him and headed to the graveyard .

It was a dull day today … I pushed open the small gate and made my way over to Renji’s grave .

I sat down on my knees before it and looked down at it .

Like always , it was well kept .

” Hello Renji , I hope you’re ok … A lot’s happened since the last time I came here ….

I’m sorry it took me so long when I promised to meet you …

I wasn’t allowed to come

is with you now or not ? ” I asked softly , placing Sparks at the foot

Look , Sparks is back … He’s

as a soft wind blew through my hair

I was going to

were going to do it

marked me forcefully … and I haven’t seen him since …

don’t know

others confused , upset , hurt … I know what he did wasn’t right ,

about him

but I’m also … scared … ” ” 1 I covered my

and I sobbed

him and everyone gets angry

haven’t mind linked him either … I … I’m scared … I just I don’t want him

” I whispered .

him so so much , I get that , but at the same time , I can’t just forget what he

wasn’t this the time to help him ? The fear of what might happen was still there , but I was stronger

placed their hand on my shoulder and I gasped , jerking away as I

absorbed i n my thoughts

asked with concern

wiping my tears quickly

Yes , I am

said

You’re a strong woman

to

filled with confidence as she patted my

I hoped so .

now , I don’t know what to do ”

Thank you .

said softly

up and

silent farewell before I

, trying to make sense of my emotions , remembering a conversation I had with Uncle El

He asked , shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he stood

, Damon was out , and although I wanted to

at

? ” Lost … Sometimes I feel like I got this , I can do this …

ok and it’s alright to feel like

said

you need to stop trying to accept things , think deeply of what you want

I stayed quiet

to own everything ? I want

on you , if it’s meant

do this but it doesn’t mean you need to

without any external factors

of this