*****
And afterwards, as we lie together, naked in the half-light, he says, “I have something for you if you will accept it.”
He seems a little uncertain as he produces a small satin bag from a side-drawer, the kind that usually contains jewellery. I open it to find a narrow, black velvet choker, with a dewdrop pearl suspended.
“Will you accept it?” he asks, a trace of anxiety in his voice. “Will you wear it?”
Am I being collared?
I think I am….
I finger it, rolling the pearl in my fingers; so small and delicate a thing, and yet, so laden with significance.
“You understand what you are asking of me?” I say. “When you give me something like this? When you ask me to wear it?”
“Yes, I understand,” he says. “And yes, I am asking that you wear it for me. Will you do that?”
His voice brims with hope and worry; desire and unease. “Am I asking too much of you? Or too quickly?”
The pearl, opalescent with pale, swirling, beautiful colours, sits between my fingers.
Is this too soon?
No, I want this too….
“No, I don’t think you are. It’s just that no-one before has ever wanted me like this….”
“I want you like this. Isn’t that enough?”
Unravelling the velvet, I place it around my neck, fumbling with the catch at the back.
closed. And as it fastens
my neck where he has just placed
lie together, entwined, his arms around me, he lazily stroking me. After a long while, he speaks
we met that you were. And because
not. Not anymore. There was someone, but, he wasn’t right and…. I don’t even want to
“The clubs? What clubs?”
and my big
a lot for, er….” I chew my
you want
Don’t fuck it up….
me. What are
er, sex clubs. I used to go a lot before
at me. My stomach
God. Have I spoiled
“You used to go to sex clubs, but you don’t anymore?
yes… because of
“Thank you for telling
You were worrying?
that sex is important enough for you and me to have met in the first place, but that perhaps I
what you do to me, what we do together. You have me thinking of
me to him again and kisses me. The kiss is hard, penetrating and possessive; and it sets
you went often? You have friends there? You
something about the atmosphere, watching people being good together…. But….” and
“But….?”
that you would
with? Yes, I realise that. What I also realise is that they will see you with me, and know that while they had you for an hour, with me, you have
*****
to do right now except sit here and look alert, I gaze out of the
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