Choosing Her Lover

Chapter 22

*****

And afterwards, as we lie together, naked in the half-light, he says, “I have something for you if you will accept it.”

He seems a little uncertain as he produces a small satin bag from a side-drawer, the kind that usually contains jewellery. I open it to find a narrow, black velvet choker, with a dewdrop pearl suspended.

“Will you accept it?” he asks, a trace of anxiety in his voice. “Will you wear it?”

Am I being collared?

I think I am….

I finger it, rolling the pearl in my fingers; so small and delicate a thing, and yet, so laden with significance.

“You understand what you are asking of me?” I say. “When you give me something like this? When you ask me to wear it?”

“Yes, I understand,” he says. “And yes, I am asking that you wear it for me. Will you do that?”

His voice brims with hope and worry; desire and unease. “Am I asking too much of you? Or too quickly?”

The pearl, opalescent with pale, swirling, beautiful colours, sits between my fingers.

Is this too soon?

No, I want this too….

“No, I don’t think you are. It’s just that no-one before has ever wanted me like this….”

“I want you like this. Isn’t that enough?”

Unravelling the velvet, I place it around my neck, fumbling with the catch at the back.

And as it fastens he kisses

the line of my jaw and down to my neck where he has just

his arms around me, he lazily stroking me. After a long while, he speaks

else? I know when we met that you were. And because of the way that we met, I don’t really have the right

not. Not anymore. There was someone, but, he wasn’t right and…. I don’t even want to now. I used to go to the clubs

“The clubs? What clubs?”

and my

used to go to clubs a lot for, er….” I chew my words, wondering how much

finally found someone you

Don’t fuck it up….

Talk to me. What

clubs. I used to go a lot before I

at me.

God. Have I spoiled

“You used to go to sex clubs, but you don’t anymore?

because

me. “Thank you for telling me this. I have

You were worrying?

me to have met in the first place, but that perhaps I could not…. be enough…. for

you do

me to him again and kisses me. The kiss is hard, penetrating and possessive; and it sets my

there? You

There’s something about the atmosphere, watching people being good together…. But….” and my

“But….?”

but, you realise that

they will see you with me, and know that while they had you for an hour, with me, you have stayed. They couldn’t

*****

my seat at in the lobby, with little to do right now except sit here and look alert, I gaze

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