*****
And afterwards, as we lie together, naked in the half-light, he says, “I have something for you if you will accept it.”
He seems a little uncertain as he produces a small satin bag from a side-drawer, the kind that usually contains jewellery. I open it to find a narrow, black velvet choker, with a dewdrop pearl suspended.
“Will you accept it?” he asks, a trace of anxiety in his voice. “Will you wear it?”
Am I being collared?
I think I am….
I finger it, rolling the pearl in my fingers; so small and delicate a thing, and yet, so laden with significance.
“You understand what you are asking of me?” I say. “When you give me something like this? When you ask me to wear it?”
“Yes, I understand,” he says. “And yes, I am asking that you wear it for me. Will you do that?”
His voice brims with hope and worry; desire and unease. “Am I asking too much of you? Or too quickly?”
The pearl, opalescent with pale, swirling, beautiful colours, sits between my fingers.
Is this too soon?
No, I want this too….
“No, I don’t think you are. It’s just that no-one before has ever wanted me like this….”
“I want you like this. Isn’t that enough?”
Unravelling the velvet, I place it around my neck, fumbling with the catch at the back.
it closed. And as it fastens he kisses the
jaw and down to my neck where he has just placed his mark on
entwined, his arms around me, he lazily stroking me. After a
you still seeing anyone else? I know when we met that you were. And because of the way that we
not. Not anymore. There was someone, but, he wasn’t right and…. I don’t even want to now. I used to go to the clubs a lot, but now I simply want to be
“The clubs? What clubs?”
my
to clubs a lot for, er….” I chew my words, wondering how much
someone you want
Don’t fuck it up….
to me. What are
sex clubs. I used to go a lot before I
at me. My stomach
Have I
sex clubs, but you don’t anymore? Because of
yes… because of
telling me this.
You were worrying?
in the first place, but that perhaps I could not…. be enough…. for
a beat. “Ryan, you are ‘enough for me’. I love what you do to me, what we do together.
is hard, penetrating and possessive; and
there? You would like to
only if you’re comfortable with it. There’s something about
“But….?”
realise that
is that they will see you with me, and know that while they had you for an hour, with me, you
*****
lobby, with little to do right now except sit here and look alert, I gaze out of the panoramic front
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