Cold Feet

Chapter 34

VIOLA

I’m mad. I’m angry. He always does this to me. My little voice says, if he makes you angry, why are you standing here so close to him?

Shut up, I tell my inner voice. I am close. Too close. But I don’t want to move away. This is my kitchen after all, my apartment. Well, note mine, but you know what I mean.

He’s gazing into my eyes and he’s close enough that I notice his eyes studying my face. They settle on my lips and I swallow. I lick my lips nervously before his eyes move down over my body.

I take my coffee and turn away. I move around the small island in the middle of the kitchen and head for the door. He watches me go and then picks up his coffee and follows me.

I lead the way to the living room and I’m pretty sure his eyes are on my ass. Why did I wear these shorts, I wonder?

I remain standing as I wait for him to sit down. He takes his seat on the sofa where he sat before. I should sit down on the single seater where I sat before but instead, I sit down on the opposite end of the three seater he is sitting on. I pull my legs up onto the sofa as I did before. I’m more comfortable that way.

His eyes follow my honey brown legs.

I know immediately I’ve made a mistake but I don’t want to fix it as much as I know I should. I don’t know why Rick is here. I don’t know why I let him in.

Deep down I know I’m lying to myself. I do know why I let him in. I do know why he is here, even if he doesn’t know it but I think on some level he does know.

“I’m sorry for everything,” Rick says at last. “I’m sorry for how our first night ended. I’m sorry I had to be the one to take legal action against you, I’m sorry I didn’t persist in contacting you, I’m sorry I…”

“Will you shut up,” I say.

He stops talking and looks at me.

“There’s no need to apologize. It’s all in the past. We can’t change it.”

with me. Every time we meet. I upset you. I can understand the first time

no, no! But it’s too late even as I realize it and I know this time my inner voice was right. “The other times had nothing

is it

to avoid answering. His eyes are fixed on me. He slides closer and I know

cup as if I’m wielding a small shield made of caffeine that’s going to keep him

nothing you do when you’re here. It’s what you’ve already done when

you mean ‘what I’ve already done’?” I can see he is

caffeine shield to the coffee

me angry the night we met. You disappointed me with your views on relationships and marriages. You have no idea how nice it was kissing you in that garden. You drove me wild. I’d had

his mouth slowly as he learns that I’d liked him

the bride’s parents your card as if to rub in what you told me and they hire you to sue me. As if that wasn’t enough when I

notches as I tell him why I’m angry and

that. How is that

you get it? I’m angry at life. Every time it brings

“This what?” he prompts.

couch but he grabs my wrist and stops me from getting up.

“Let me go!”

me.

him. He lets me go and I fall backward onto the carpet as he lets me

and cross

waves me

I got back I’ve seen you more involved than I ever thought you would be. And I’m angry because I keep thinking what it would have been like if it had been me. It’s like life is being really spiteful and rubbing you in my face every time we meet. I wonder what I did wrong that life is doing this. God I hardly know you but I can’t get you

search mine.

believe it when I met you in the club the other night. I haven’t been with a man in forever and when I saw you I thought, well, if I can’t date him at least I can fuck him. Just one night. Sorry to

smiling again. That

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