Cold Feet

VIOLA

Lara is away from work for a long time. I run the business and keep her informed about the most important aspects only. I don’t trouble her with the day to day running of the business. She doesn’t need to know about it. James isn’t improving at all. He’s been moved home and Lara has had changes made to their room to accommodate the care that he needs. It’s just too expensive to keep him at the hospital even though her business is doing well.

Lara tells me multiple times that I’m a blessing for her and that she doesn’t know what she’d do without me. I tell her not to worry. I’m only too glad to be able to help her.

Rick and I communicate via text message and phone calls mostly. It seems we’ve both agreed it’s best to stay away from each other. When we speak it’s purely business. There’s no small talk at all. Neither of us will open the door to any more opportunities for weakness. As the wedding nears though, there is one last meeting that I have to have with Rick. It can’t be avoided.

I’ve started working from Lara’s office since I think it’s more practical. I can communicate faster with her team and her secretary.

Rick can only make it at seven in the evening. We planned to meet earlier but he has a last minute meeting with a client that delays him.

I order pizza delivery because I’m hungry. I don’t know if he’s eaten but I order extra for him just in case he’s hungry. The wedding is just over a week away and this is the final meeting to confirm everything.

I finish my pizza and go through my notes again. I want to keep the meeting as short as possible. I pour us each a cup of coffee. As I do so I don’t hear Rick enter the office. He approaches me from behind and speaks when he’s right behind me. I shriek in surprise and turn spilling the coffee all over his shirt and suit.

It takes me a moment to recover and then I lay my hands on his shirt. I can feel his strong chest under it. The shirt is hot and I realize the coffee must have been scolding.

“Oh God. I’m so sorry!” I exclaim. Lara’s office has a mini kitchen and I grab a cloth, wet it under the tap and then quickly start to wipe furiously at Rick’s shirt making it even more wet. The coffee stain lightens in color but the wet spot spreads as his shirt absorbs the water.

“I’m so sorry,” I exclaim again. By now his shirt is mostly soaked through and I can see the dark patches of his nipples. That and his muscles outlined against his soaked shirt are making me weak.

“It’s okay,” he says softly at last and covers my hand with his. It strikes me how small my hand is compared to his. I raise my eyes and meet his gaze. I’ve been avoiding it until now. And now it’s too late.

then kissing him. He doesn’t respond for a moment but then he reacts, and it’s not what I expected. He pushes me away.

“You fucking skank!”

is she doing here? The weddings supposed to be secret? My inner voice answers

think I must look like a ghost. That or I’m about to burst into flame

rapidly and slaps me. Not

up to

When I’m finished with you, you’ll be back there and you’ll never make it back to this side. Even if you

and look at her and then

“Get out!” Christine shouts.

leave Lara’s office as fast as I can. It’s only when I’m in the elevator that I cry. I cringe and castigate myself. What the hell did you think you were doing? Fear rises in me and I feel sick. I know I’m done for. My career is finished. I have betrayed Lara’s trust and if she has to choose there’s no question about the choice she’s going to make. I want to vomit right there in the elevator. I wish I could back and fix what I did, take the moment back. I pull out my phone and unlock it. I think it’s better if I tell Lara myself. She doesn’t need to hear this, not with her problems.

seat and look up Lara’s number. I dial her number and wait anxiously for her to answer. She doesn’t answer.

and then decide a voice message

anymore. I’m sorry, I really just wanted to help you from the bottom of my heart and I’ve done my best but I have failed you and I’m sorry. When you find out from Christine, you’ll fire me anyway. I’m sorry. Truly, truly sorry. I’ll pack my things and leave

the message and send it. As I do a message pops up on my phone.

but to terminate your employment. Please return your computer and phone

send a message back to

or less. I look out the cab’s window and watch the city passing by. I feel as if I’m watching my dream dissolve and blow away on the wind. I had it all this time and I truly threw it away. I begin to cry

times that the universe kept pushing me back into the path of Rick, as

that we were meant to be together. Maybe it’s because this industry isn’t for me. Maybe I don’t belong here and maybe it’s used Rick to throw me out again. I don’t know what I’ll do now. I can’t leave Los Angeles again. There is opportunity here. I’ll just have

might even cancel the wedding altogether just because I was involved although I did nothing really. It was all done before I got involved.