Ex-Husband's Regret

Chapter 37

Having a breakdown
The warm light on my faces wakes me up. At first I’m confused as to how I ended up in my room, but then the heavy hand around my waist brings the memories of what happened back.

I start to internally panic so much so that I’m afraid I’ll wake Ethan up. I didn’t want him up now. Not when I was having a nervous breakdown. Not while my head was a mess. As slowly as I can, I

get up and leave the bed.

He turns and murmurs something in his sleep, but he doesn’t wake up. I heave a sigh of relief even as I put some clothes on and pick up my phone from the dresser.

Tip toing to the door, I wince a little when I open it and it creeks. I look back, my heart in my

mouth. I’m immediately thankful when I see Ethan still in bed.

The sheets were down to his waist, exposing his very well defined abs and an arm was thrown

over his face. Swallowing loudly, I leave the room.

I walk down my stairs feeling like I was doing the walk of shame even though I was in my own

house. The soreness between my legs, a testament of how Ethan took his job at remedying my

pain seriously.

The moment I get the kitchen I let loose. All the panic and anxiety I tried stifling in my room

rushes through me like an Avalanche.

“Call down, people have sex all the time” I try telling myself but instead of calming down it only

increases the pace of my wildly beating heart.

I start pacing the tiled floors. Still unable to believe that I had sex with another man. I always

thought that the only man who would ever touch me or see me naked is Rowan. Here we are

though, not only did I let Ethan kiss me, but I also allowed him into my bed.

Tired of pacing, I sit on the kitchen stool. My feet tapping nervously on the floor. What am I

supposed to do now? How am I supposed to act? I didn’t know what the protocol after these type of

things happened is.

Am I supposed to make him breakfast? Would he even want breakfast? Is it something that will

happen again or is it a one nightstand?

I place a hand on my beating heart. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I’ve never done

something like this before. Even if I hadn’t been in love with Rowan, I always believed that I would

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currently not strong.

“You don’t have to love someone to have sex with them…you just have to be attracted to them” A

voice whispers.

I want to argue with it but my phone vibrating stops me. I unlock it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

I read the simple message, wondering who could have sent it. That is until I lift my eyes and see it’s from Rowan. I’m shocked and then angry. 4

He has no right at all to send me that stupid message. Not when he has never wished me a happy birthday during our marriage and especially not after the disgusting things he said to me.

I stand up and go back to pacing. I mean why now? Why now when we are divorced? Why today of

all day? A few hours after I have slept with another man.

I don’t think it’s fair to compare two men sexually, but Ethan thoroughly fucked me. Simple and clear. There was passion and heat, something that lacked with Rowan Ethan took me in positions I didn’t even know were possible. I loved that but I also hated it because it proved how stale my

sex life with Rowan was.

The only time Rowan ever took me like that was the first time we had sex and it was only because he thought he was sleeping with Emma, the love of his fucking life.

I always wanted it to be like that between us. Always thought that something was missing. It wasn’t bad, but I just wanted more.

Now after my night with Ethan I realize what has been missing between Rowan and I was the passion. I also realize that it had been missing because I wasn’t who he had wanted

think that Rowan

distract myself from the turmoil of

more text wishing me a happy birthday. They were from Travis, Letty, mother and

and make a mental note to reply to Letty’s

didn’t understand. Why now? What did they

forgiveness?” the same voice

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a simple

they didn’t give it to me? How can I forgive them when they broke me? How am I supposed to let it all go when they didn’t let me live in peace for

one who got punished. The only one who got blamed was me. I was the one that was called names, the one that was looked down on. The only one who got

and verbal abuses. I took all of it. I took the blame even though I shouldn’t have because I

feel the

person. I lost

to see how the guilt broke. No one wanted to see how I was breaking or how

How come I had to break just to keep us working? How come I had to break for them to feel good about themselves? They broke me and yet no one wants to acknowledge that.

back. All the pain I’ve been pushing down I can’t contain it anymore. It

ears. It reverberates off the walls, echoing my torment. I lash out, my fist

soul. My

anguish that had been buried deep continues to surface up. Clawing its way out

Rowan for

I turn at

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He looks at me in shock. The kitchen was destroyed, including

barstools.

fall down on my knees in surrender, not caring if I hurt

glass. What’s physical pain compared to an

nothing Ethan. I’m empty, so dark and cold. How do I live like

all these weights I’m carrying are getting

on to something that wasn’t supposed to stand? That I was living in a waste land that they

the pain go, Ava.

heart out and I transfer all that pain to him.

a word. He

my unhealed scars, lay scattered on the floor A physical manifestation of the emotional turmoil that had finally

I breakdown and all

Completely and utterly drained. He gently picks me up bridal style and leads me up the stairs. My eyes were beginning to close as I feel a certain peace settle

me

if God had deemed me guilty of my past sins, I think I’ve already paid enough for those mistakes. It was time to leave the

to come

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wakes me up. At first I’m confused as to how I

around my waist brings the memories of what

up. I didn’t want him up now.

up and leave

sleep, but he doesn’t wake up. I heave a sigh

as I put some clothes on and pick up my phone from the

little when I open it and it creeks.

immediately thankful when I see Ethan

his waist, exposing his very well defined abs and an

Swallowing loudly, I leave the

I was in my own. house. The soreness between my legs, a testament of how Ethan took his job

pain seriously.

I get the kitchen I let loose. All the panic and anxiety I tried stifling in my

through me like an

the time” I try telling myself but instead of calming down

pace of my wildly

Still unable to believe that I had sex with another man. I always thought that the only man who would ever touch me or see me naked is Rowan Here we

not only did I let Ethan kiss me, but I also allowed

to do now?

him breakfast? Would he even want breakfast? Is it something that will happen

heart. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I’ve never done

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currently not strong.

love someone to have sex with them…you just have to be

voice whispers.

want to argue with it but my phone vibrating stops

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

wondering who could have sent

Rowan. I’m shocked and

all to send me that stupid message. Not when he has never

our marriage and especially not after the disgusting things he said

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