Ex-Husband's Regret

Chapter 37

Having a breakdown
The warm light on my faces wakes me up. At first I’m confused as to how I ended up in my room, but then the heavy hand around my waist brings the memories of what happened back.

I start to internally panic so much so that I’m afraid I’ll wake Ethan up. I didn’t want him up now. Not when I was having a nervous breakdown. Not while my head was a mess. As slowly as I can, I

get up and leave the bed.

He turns and murmurs something in his sleep, but he doesn’t wake up. I heave a sigh of relief even as I put some clothes on and pick up my phone from the dresser.

Tip toing to the door, I wince a little when I open it and it creeks. I look back, my heart in my

mouth. I’m immediately thankful when I see Ethan still in bed.

The sheets were down to his waist, exposing his very well defined abs and an arm was thrown

over his face. Swallowing loudly, I leave the room.

I walk down my stairs feeling like I was doing the walk of shame even though I was in my own

house. The soreness between my legs, a testament of how Ethan took his job at remedying my

pain seriously.

The moment I get the kitchen I let loose. All the panic and anxiety I tried stifling in my room

rushes through me like an Avalanche.

“Call down, people have sex all the time” I try telling myself but instead of calming down it only

increases the pace of my wildly beating heart.

I start pacing the tiled floors. Still unable to believe that I had sex with another man. I always

thought that the only man who would ever touch me or see me naked is Rowan. Here we are

though, not only did I let Ethan kiss me, but I also allowed him into my bed.

Tired of pacing, I sit on the kitchen stool. My feet tapping nervously on the floor. What am I

supposed to do now? How am I supposed to act? I didn’t know what the protocol after these type of

things happened is.

Am I supposed to make him breakfast? Would he even want breakfast? Is it something that will

happen again or is it a one nightstand?

I place a hand on my beating heart. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I’ve never done

something like this before. Even if I hadn’t been in love with Rowan, I always believed that I would

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currently not strong.

“You don’t have to love someone to have sex with them…you just have to be attracted to them” A

voice whispers.

I want to argue with it but my phone vibrating stops me. I unlock it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

I read the simple message, wondering who could have sent it. That is until I lift my eyes and see it’s from Rowan. I’m shocked and then angry. 4

He has no right at all to send me that stupid message. Not when he has never wished me a happy birthday during our marriage and especially not after the disgusting things he said to me.

I stand up and go back to pacing. I mean why now? Why now when we are divorced? Why today of

all day? A few hours after I have slept with another man.

I don’t think it’s fair to compare two men sexually, but Ethan thoroughly fucked me. Simple and clear. There was passion and heat, something that lacked with Rowan Ethan took me in positions I didn’t even know were possible. I loved that but I also hated it because it proved how stale my

sex life with Rowan was.

The only time Rowan ever took me like that was the first time we had sex and it was only because he thought he was sleeping with Emma, the love of his fucking life.

I always wanted it to be like that between us. Always thought that something was missing. It wasn’t bad, but I just wanted more.

Now after my night with Ethan I realize what has been missing between Rowan and I was the passion. I also realize that it had been missing because I wasn’t who he had wanted

Rowan was holding back even when we were having sex simply because he’d wanted another

to distract myself from the turmoil of what was

birthday.

and make a mental note to reply to

just didn’t understand. Why now? What did they wish to gain

forgiveness?” the same

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a simple word yet

give it to me? How can I forgive them when they broke me? How am I supposed to let it all

I’m the only one who got punished. The only one who got blamed was me. I was the one that was called names, the one that was looked down on. The

all of it. I took the blame even though I shouldn’t have because I loved

I got angry. I can feel the angry tears trying to fall and this time I don’t want

being the bigger person. I lost

guilt broke. No one wanted to see how I was breaking or how I struggled. It was always about

about him. How come I had to break just to keep us working? How come I had to break for them to feel good about themselves? They broke me and yet no one wants to acknowledge that. No one wants to

a dam explode inside me. All the pain that I have been holding back. All the pain I’ve been pushing down I can’t contain

mouth is animalistic even to my own ears. It reverberates off the walls, echoing my torment.

fills the air Mirroring the chaos within my soul. My fragile heart

each passing moment, the anguish that had been buried deep continues to surface up. Clawing its way out

Rowan for what he put me

turn at his

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stands there shirtless He looks at me in shock. The kitchen was

barstools.

on my knees in surrender, not caring if I hurt myself

What’s physical pain compared

let him. He left me with nothing Ethan. I’m empty, so dark and cold. How do I live like that?

carrying are getting

something that wasn’t supposed to stand? That I was living in a waste land that

me. “Let it all go, let the pain go, Ava. It’s the only way” he says and I do

cry my heart out and I transfer all that pain

say a word. He doesn’t

of my past, my unhealed scars, lay scattered on the floor A physical manifestation of the emotional turmoil that had finally consumed

inner demons tear me apart as I breakdown and all the

sink against him. Completely and utterly drained. He gently picks me up bridal style and leads me up the

me

my past sins, I think I’ve already paid enough for those mistakes. It was

done hiding. It was time to come out

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warm light on my faces wakes me up. At first I’m confused as to how

my waist brings the memories

much so that I’m afraid I’ll wake Ethan up. I didn’t want him up now. Not when I was having a nervous breakdown.

up and

and murmurs something in his sleep, but he doesn’t wake up. I

I put some clothes on and pick up my phone from the

a little when I open it and it creeks.

when I see

down to his waist, exposing his

Swallowing loudly, I leave the

I was doing the walk of shame even though I was in my own. house. The soreness between

pain seriously.

kitchen I let loose. All the panic and anxiety

me like an

people have sex all the time” I try telling myself but instead of calming down

of

always thought that the only man who would

Ethan kiss me,

supposed to do now? How am I supposed to act? I didn’t know what the protocol after these type

him breakfast? Would he even want breakfast? Is it something that will happen again or

on my beating heart. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I’ve never done something like this before. Even if I hadn’t been in love with Rowan, I always

+15 BONUS

currently not strong.

someone to have sex with them…you just have

voice whispers.

with it but my phone vibrating stops me. I unlock

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

simple message, wondering who could have sent it. That is until I lift

from Rowan. I’m

right at all to send me that stupid message. Not when he has never wished me a

after the disgusting things he said to

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