Ex-Husband's Regret

Chapter 37

Having a breakdown
The warm light on my faces wakes me up. At first I’m confused as to how I ended up in my room, but then the heavy hand around my waist brings the memories of what happened back.

I start to internally panic so much so that I’m afraid I’ll wake Ethan up. I didn’t want him up now. Not when I was having a nervous breakdown. Not while my head was a mess. As slowly as I can, I

get up and leave the bed.

He turns and murmurs something in his sleep, but he doesn’t wake up. I heave a sigh of relief even as I put some clothes on and pick up my phone from the dresser.

Tip toing to the door, I wince a little when I open it and it creeks. I look back, my heart in my

mouth. I’m immediately thankful when I see Ethan still in bed.

The sheets were down to his waist, exposing his very well defined abs and an arm was thrown

over his face. Swallowing loudly, I leave the room.

I walk down my stairs feeling like I was doing the walk of shame even though I was in my own

house. The soreness between my legs, a testament of how Ethan took his job at remedying my

pain seriously.

The moment I get the kitchen I let loose. All the panic and anxiety I tried stifling in my room

rushes through me like an Avalanche.

“Call down, people have sex all the time” I try telling myself but instead of calming down it only

increases the pace of my wildly beating heart.

I start pacing the tiled floors. Still unable to believe that I had sex with another man. I always

thought that the only man who would ever touch me or see me naked is Rowan. Here we are

though, not only did I let Ethan kiss me, but I also allowed him into my bed.

Tired of pacing, I sit on the kitchen stool. My feet tapping nervously on the floor. What am I

supposed to do now? How am I supposed to act? I didn’t know what the protocol after these type of

things happened is.

Am I supposed to make him breakfast? Would he even want breakfast? Is it something that will

happen again or is it a one nightstand?

I place a hand on my beating heart. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I’ve never done

something like this before. Even if I hadn’t been in love with Rowan, I always believed that I would

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currently not strong.

“You don’t have to love someone to have sex with them…you just have to be attracted to them” A

voice whispers.

I want to argue with it but my phone vibrating stops me. I unlock it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

I read the simple message, wondering who could have sent it. That is until I lift my eyes and see it’s from Rowan. I’m shocked and then angry. 4

He has no right at all to send me that stupid message. Not when he has never wished me a happy birthday during our marriage and especially not after the disgusting things he said to me.

I stand up and go back to pacing. I mean why now? Why now when we are divorced? Why today of

all day? A few hours after I have slept with another man.

I don’t think it’s fair to compare two men sexually, but Ethan thoroughly fucked me. Simple and clear. There was passion and heat, something that lacked with Rowan Ethan took me in positions I didn’t even know were possible. I loved that but I also hated it because it proved how stale my

sex life with Rowan was.

The only time Rowan ever took me like that was the first time we had sex and it was only because he thought he was sleeping with Emma, the love of his fucking life.

I always wanted it to be like that between us. Always thought that something was missing. It wasn’t bad, but I just wanted more.

Now after my night with Ethan I realize what has been missing between Rowan and I was the passion. I also realize that it had been missing because I wasn’t who he had wanted

tries to resurface away. I didn’t want to think that Rowan was

back to my phone. Just to distract myself from the turmoil of what was happening

me a happy birthday. They were from

rest and make a mental note to

understand. Why now? What

forgiveness?” the same voice

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Such a simple word yet so

them when they broke me? How am I supposed to let it all go when they didn’t let me

who got punished. The only one who got blamed was me. I was the one

that got the emotional and verbal abuses. I took all of it. I took the blame even though

got angry. I can feel the angry tears trying to fall and this time I don’t want

bigger person. I lost just as much as Rowan did

broke. No one wanted to see how I was breaking or how I

I had to break just to keep us working? How come I had to break for them to feel good about themselves? They broke me and yet no one wants to acknowledge that. No one wants to acknowledge

inside me. All the pain that I have been holding back. All the pain I’ve been pushing down I can’t contain it anymore. It all comes rushing to

animalistic even to my own ears. It reverberates off the walls, echoing my torment. I lash out, my fist

glass and splintering wood fills the air Mirroring the chaos within my soul. My fragile heart was breaking all over again.

continues to surface up. Clawing its

them I hate Rowan

turn

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stands there shirtless He looks at me in shock. The

barstools.

in surrender, not caring if I hurt

pain compared to an

and took and I continued to let him. He left me with nothing Ethan. I’m empty, so dark and cold. How do I live

weights I’m carrying are getting heavy”

that I was trying to hold on to something that wasn’t supposed to stand? That I was living in a waste land that they banished me

“Let it all go, let the pain go, Ava. It’s the

nails dig into his flesh as I cry my heart out and I transfer all that

doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t

as the remnants of my past, my unhealed scars, lay scattered on the floor A physical manifestation of the emotional turmoil that had finally consumed

tear me apart as I breakdown and all the pain

sink against him. Completely and utterly drained. He gently picks me up bridal style and leads me up the stairs. My eyes were beginning to close as I

me

my past sins, I think I’ve already paid enough for those mistakes. It was time to

It was time to come out

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up. At first I’m

then the heavy hand around my waist brings the memories of what happened

didn’t want him up now. Not when I was having a nervous breakdown. Not while my head was a mess. As slowly

and

his sleep, but he doesn’t wake up. I

put some clothes on and pick up

a little when I open it and

immediately thankful when I see

waist, exposing his very well defined

his face. Swallowing loudly,

my stairs feeling like I was doing the walk of shame even though I was in my own. house. The soreness

pain seriously.

get the kitchen I let loose. All

me like an

have sex all the time” I try telling

the pace of

another man. I always thought that the only man who would ever touch me

me, but I also allowed him into my

the kitchen stool. My feet tapping nervously on the floor. What am 1 supposed to do now?

breakfast? Would he even want breakfast? Is it something that will happen again

explode. I’ve never done something like this before. Even if I hadn’t been in

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currently not strong.

to have sex with them…you just have to be

voice whispers.

argue with it but my

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

sent it. That is until I

Rowan. I’m

all to send me that stupid

after the disgusting things

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