Ex-Husband's Regret

His hearing
Ava

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Have you ever felt like you’re just living through the motions? Like nothing and no one around you

is real? I googled it. G****e said it was a form of dissociating. It happens especially with adults who had childhood traumas. It’s a coping mechanism where the person separates him or herself from what’s hurting or causing them stress.

After I read that, I realized that maybe Letty was right. Maybe I did need help. Professional help. Maybe I should start seeing a therapist. I know I have issues. Deep seated traumas that I haven’t been able to work through.

Sighing, I stand up and start pacing the room. My mind was racing and no matter what, I couldn’t settle down. I’ve pushed everyone away since that time when everyone was at my house. I’ve refused to take calls or talk to anyone.

I just wanted to be left alone. To process everything on my own. Sometimes I feel the weight of everything falling on me and it’s just hard. It becomes too much to handle some times and I’m left feeling hollow and empty inside.

My phones rings, cutting through the silent space. I check the caller Id, it was Brian calling. I know why. Today is Ethan’s trial and he wanted me to come and testify against him. Just like I couldn’t press charges, I also couldn’t testify. (3)

I’m not condoning what Ethan did. He did some pretty messed up things, but I just can’t bring myself to put a nail on his coffin. Every time I’ve thought about going ahead and pressing charges or testifying, every good moment we’ve shared comes to my mind and I immediately withdraw from the thoughts.

Ethan, the Ethan I knew, was good to me. He made me feel good, and not just sexually. He brought out a side of me I never knew and taught to me embrace it. That’s why his betrayal hurts so much. 1

With Rowan, I always knew he didn’t like me. Even when we were younger, he tolerated me because I was Emma and Travis‘ sister. Yes he hurt me and it broke my heart, but deep down I always knew it was to be expected. His hate for me, no matter how painful wasn’t new.

When it comes to Ethan though, it’s painful because I never expected he would hurt me. I thought we were on the same page. I thought that he felt the same way. I thought his feelings and actions towards me weren’t tainted. It hurt because it turned out to be a lie. It hurt because I never saw it

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I should have though. Everyone in my life, except Noah, has hurt me. I was now even doubting

Letty and my new found parents. How do I know they don’t have ulterior motives? How do I know

they won’t hurt me or betray me? How do I know they’re not just playing me?

The fucking questions never leave me and it was driving me insane.

Tired of pacing and driving myself crazy, I take a hat, sunglasses, my car keys and then I leave. I

start driving not really sure where I was going.

I don’t know how I end up at the court house, but it’s only after I park my car that I realize where I

am. I look at my hat and sunglasses and frown. Maybe subconsciously this is where I was going
all along.

tell myself as

get out of my car and walk slowly towards the building. I was giving myself time to back out. I don’t though, instead I walk through the doors. I

here to

managed to keep his hearing and wrong doings from leaking to the

that would do to their company image. Thought a part of me

they’re doing that for

until I get to the one that

door. Thank goodness it doesn’t make a sound. I didn’t want anyone

was here.

room and take the furthest seat. I fix

is okay before

as Chief Officer Brian

parents were right behind him. On

was on the

people. Some of the cops were there. So were Travis, Letty and

did hate

his enemies

the setting, I realize that I

2/4

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does your client plead against the charges by the police

who seems to be in her

in his lawyer’s ears

he says in a

may continue”

came here a few months back. That they got his transfer papers to their station. He didn’t see anything wrong and he never questioned anything because of the transfer. It all seemed in order so they just took him. He also seemed to know what he was doing so they never questioned

testify were the three other cops there. Then Travis and finally Letty. Travis didn’t say much. He only talked about Ethan’s friendship with Letty. Letty talked about the role he played in my life and how we

Not missing

judge takes a

no need to prolong this hearing given the accused

every accusation levelled against him”

case leveled against you, you’re going

police officer, two years for kidnapping, two years for falsifying documents and fifteen years for murder

hits her gavel and stands

at hearing his sentence. Twenty one

time. 2

everyone begins standing up, I look at Ethan one more time before slipping out the door.