Ex-Husband's Regret

She deserves better.
Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

When I realized that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She wouldn’t

have believed me at all.

been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is

feel? Loving me but also knowing

Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk ever

needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain.

I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my

Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks

like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if

only way to be

she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still

nine fucking years?

wants nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I

better, but I can’t let her

The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in love

the one that insisted that I

remember how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even

he just knows me better

didn’t

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made

was wrong.”

sigh. “You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner.

been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but

her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her

until there

wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I

to know when it happened. When did you

know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened

All I know is that I

hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared.

you love someone!

think it was always there. Probably came after Noah

to love her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so

with someone

You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t

I just got what I needed from her while still hating her. I

she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

were fucking Emma because

that would guard you from enjoying

that enjoying sex with her would

that you held on to for dear

sit on the

I

about it like that.

how the hell I was able to get it up and

used Emma as an escape from what I truly

love of my life once; how

and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense