Ex-Husband's Regret

She deserves better.
Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

When I realized that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She wouldn’t

have believed me at all.

never been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she

but also knowing that I hate

“I thought you swore

to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve

I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t

she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but hate

crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost

the only way to be near

never thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive

nine fucking years?

do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I want

she deserves better, but I can’t let her go

did that happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love with

weren’t you the one that insisted that I

was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even

guess he just knows me better than I know myself. He

didn’t

was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at

was wrong.”

“You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner.

have been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her,

I broke her. My actions and words

until there was

shoes” Gabe whistles and I

it happened. When did you

pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were

a recent thing. All I know

hair. I was frustrated and

you love someone!

there. Probably came after

you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so

she was your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and

wouldn’t even have touched her if

I just got what I needed from her while

imagined she was Emma.” I

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma because you missed her or

hold you back? Something that would guard

Ava because you felt that enjoying sex with her

you held on to

the

I

about it like that. I admit I

I explain how the

was right, and I used Emma as an escape from what I truly felt

already betrayed the love of my life once; how then could

sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense