Ex-Husband's Regret

Chapter 93

She deserves better.
Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

When I realized that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She wouldn’t

have believed me at all.

but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this

Loving me but also knowing

you swore never to get drunk

how difficult it was to realize that

with her all

and she frowns at me in

like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps

the only way

she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still

nine fucking years?

nothing to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I want

that because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go

that happen? The last time I

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love with Emma.”

one that insisted

adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told

guess he just knows

didn’t

loved Ava, but your insistence at times

was wrong.”

wish is that I had relegalized this

have been easier to mend

+15 BONUS

space. Lost in the bitter

ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words

until there

shoes” Gabe whistles

want to know when it happened. When

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened

recent thing. All I know is that I love

hand through my hair. I was frustrated and

you love someone!

came after

on to the memory of Emma. She

can’t live with someone for

wouldn’t even have

a biological process. I just got what I needed from her while still hating her.

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because

to hold you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying

you felt that enjoying sex with her would be a betrayal to

held on to

the

I

like that.

otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was

and I used Emma as an escape from what I

betrayed the love of my life once; how

body? It all made sense in my head then,

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