Ex-Husband's Regret

She deserves better.
Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

When I realized that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She wouldn’t

have believed me at all.

but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this

me but also

begins, “I thought you swore never to get

but I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but

have lost my chance with her all because I

pretend I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at

crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of

the only way

my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive

nine fucking years?

me to be completely out

I can’t let her go

The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

you were in

the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even

wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just

didn’t want

loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is that

to

+15 BONUS

in the bitter memories. Memories where I

ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped

until there

don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and

want to know when it happened. When did you

I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still

recent thing. All I know is that I love her

was frustrated and fucking scared.

you love someone!

always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also

her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She

love. You can’t live with someone

even have touched her if you

a biological process. I just got what I needed from her

times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to

treated her. 1

1

fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

that would guard

felt that enjoying sex with her would be a betrayal to

of Emma that you held on to for

on the stool completely

I

like that. I

would I explain how the hell I was able to get it up and

right, and I used Emma as

betrayed the love of my life once; how

body? It all made sense in my head then,