Ex-Husband's Regret

She deserves better.
Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

When I realized that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She wouldn’t

have believed me at all.

awareness,

Loving me but also knowing that I hate

thought you

understand how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was suffocating

I may have lost my chance with her all

up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at

around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any

the only way

thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts.

nine fucking years?

me to be completely out of her life for good. I

deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how

The

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in love

you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings

that. He wouldn’t let it go,

Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know

I didn’t want

telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

My only wish is that I had

easier to mend

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where

her I ruined her. I broke her. My

until there was nothing

honestly don’t wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles

I want to know when it happened. When

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it

I know is that

through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a

you love someone!

it was always there. Probably came after Noah was born. I also think

to love her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love,

true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not feel a

you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t

what I needed

there were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick

treated her. 1

1

imagine you were fucking Emma because you missed her or because you

to hold you back? Something that would guard you from enjoying the

you and Ava because you felt that enjoying sex with her would be

you held on to for dear

on the stool completely

I

that.

to her; otherwise, how would I explain how the

right, and I used Emma as an escape from

my life once; how then could I betray her over

body? It all made