Ex-Husband's Regret

She deserves better.
Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

When I realized that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She wouldn’t

have believed me at all.

been scared, but with this new awareness,

Loving me but also

Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to

how difficult it was to realize that I love Ava. That all

chance with her all because I couldn’t let go of my

I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with

her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for

the only way

hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts.

nine fucking years?

Wants me to be completely out of her life for

that because she deserves better, but I can’t

did that happen? The last

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in love with Emma.”

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings for

that. He wouldn’t let it

I guess he just knows me better than

didn’t want

you loved Ava, but your insistence

was wrong.”

“You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe then

to

+15 BONUS

off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories

her. My actions and words chipped at her heart slowly

there was nothing

Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you

know when it happened. When did you fall for her?”

don’t know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still

a recent thing. All I know is

hand through my hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared. What a

you love someone!

Probably came after Noah was born. I

love her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so

your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years

even have touched her if you didn’t feel

is a biological process. I just got what I needed from her

Emma.” I tell

treated her. 1

1

were fucking Emma because you missed her or because

Something that would guard you

you felt that enjoying

that you held

sit on the

I

it like that. I admit

how would I explain how the hell I was able

Emma as an escape from what I truly felt for

my head, I had already betrayed the love of my life once; how then

Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head