Ex-Husband's Regret

She deserves better.
Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

When I realized that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She wouldn’t

have believed me at all.

been scared, but with this new awareness,

also knowing

you swore never to get

to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to

may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t

pretend I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at

not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if

only way to be

went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive me

nine fucking years?

do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for

she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter

The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in love

weren’t you the one that insisted that I

remember how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told

he just knows me

I didn’t want to

you loved Ava, but your insistence at

was wrong.”

“You were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner.

been easier to

+15 BONUS

in the bitter memories. Memories where I

ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped

until there was nothing

wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and

when it happened. When did you fall for her?”

the exact time. Maybe it happened when we

a recent thing. All I know

was frustrated and fucking scared. What a

you love someone!

there. Probably came after Noah was

love her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your

with someone for nine years and

know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel something

I just got what I needed

times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him,

treated her. 1

1

Emma because

hold you back? Something that would

because you felt that enjoying sex with her would

held on to for dear life?”

sit on the stool

I

it like that. I admit I

her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell I was able to get

as an escape from

betrayed the love of my life once; how then could

It all made sense in my head