Ex-Husband's Regret

She deserves better.
Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

When I realized that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She wouldn’t

have believed me at all.

been scared, but with this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is

feel? Loving me but also knowing that I

Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never

I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it was to

her all because

Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with

ignore it, trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me.

the only way to

compared to what I did to her. Yet it still fucking hurts. How the hell did she survive me

nine fucking years?

do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life

but I can’t

that happen? The

asks me, looking puzzled.

were in love with Emma.”

one that insisted that I had suppressed

He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told

love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I

I didn’t want to

loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt

was wrong.”

is that

have been easier to mend

+15 BONUS

stare off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I

I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart

there was

wish to be in your shoes” Gabe whistles and I glare at him. “But you still

it happened.

pinpoint the exact time. Maybe it happened when we were still married,

recent thing. All I know is that I

hair. I was frustrated and fucking scared.

you love someone!

came after Noah was born. I also think you

you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love, so

You can’t live with someone for nine years

even have touched her if you

what I needed from her while still

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the core at

treated her. 1

1

you imagine you were fucking Emma

Something that

Ava because you felt that enjoying sex with her would be a

Emma that you held on to

the stool completely

I

it like that.

her; otherwise, how would I explain how the hell

and I used Emma as an escape from what I

of my life once; how then could I

sleeping with and enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then,