She deserves better.
Rowan.

My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head was

pounding as if there was someone using it as a fucking drum.

It takes a while to register that I am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He

has a room at my house, and I have one in his.

Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it. Using my

hands for support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t

remember much of last night except drinking.

Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t realize it

sooner?

The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I promised

myself not to ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and

that’s enough. Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly.

There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No fucking cure. How do you even begin to deal with

the realization that you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine fucking

years hurting?

I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t been this

out of sorts in years.

After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.

“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.

“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market so she

could get fresh veggies.”

June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that they

weren’t as fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat,

eggs, and milk from the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.

“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee.

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

+16 BONUS

When I realized that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her immediately. I would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She wouldn’t

have believed me at all.

this new awareness, I was fucking terrified. Is this how she

also knowing

begins, “I thought you swore

You can’t understand how difficult it was to

lost my chance with her all because I

time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in disapproval. Or when,

her. I follow her around like a damn lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give

only way

what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing compared to what I did to

nine fucking years?

to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of

she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter

that happen? The last time

asks me, looking puzzled.

sure you were in

but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had

He wouldn’t let it go, even after I

love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know

I didn’t want to

loved Ava, but your insistence

was wrong.”

were fucking right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner.

have been easier to mend what

+15 BONUS

into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her,

her. My actions and words chipped at her

until there

your shoes” Gabe whistles and

me. I want to know when it happened.

know. I can’t pinpoint the exact time.

I know is that I

run my hand through my hair. I was frustrated and

you love someone!

was always there. Probably came after Noah

to love her because you held on to the memory of Emma. She was your first love,

she was your true love. You can’t live with someone for nine years and not

I know you, Ro. You wouldn’t even have touched her if you didn’t feel

process. I just got what I needed from

were times I imagined she was Emma.” I tell him, feeling sick to the

treated her. 1

1

Emma because you missed her

you back? Something that would

because you felt that enjoying

you held on to for

sit on the stool completely

I

that.

the hell I was able to get it up

as an escape from what I

my life once; how then could I betray

enjoying Ava’s body? It all made sense in my head then, but

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