Ex-Husband's Regret

Emma.

"Are you sure about this?" Molly asked, her worried eyes scanning my face. "Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?"

Was I sure? Heck no. I don't know what will happen. I don't know how he'll react, but I have to do something, right? "Yes" I nod, straightening my back in determination.

I know I messed up big time. I know that what's happening to me is my fault. It's karma catching up with me, but I can't let it stop me. I can't sit around mopping wishing things were different.

I put on the pretty sundress I'd chosen. It was white and had some blue flowers on it. I wanted to look presentable, down to earth and warm. I wanted to look inviting. Someone you feel at ease by just looking at them. Sundresses always give that illusion.

"You do realize he might slam the door shut on you face at first look?" Molly adds, bouncing on my bed like a little kid.

I've thought about nothing since I decided to matters in my own. I've thought of nothing else, but how to change things between Gunner and I. I know it'll be hard. I've neglected him so many times over the years that his love for me probably died.

It fucking hurts my heart knowing that he views Ava more as a mother than me. Mom has told me countless of times how much he spends time at Rowan and Ava's home. It fucking hearts but I don't have anyone to blame.

Each day I wake up with guilt that consumes both my heart and soul. Each day brings a fresh onslaught of pain that I can't escape from. It guts me each time when I open my eyes and realize the shit and pain, I've caused.

My hearts constricts and I feel myself drowning in the darkness that's been consuming. More than anything, I want to know my baby, but I also want a respite from the constant heartache.

"Emma? Are you even listening?" Molly's voice pulls me from the edge of the abyss.

maneuver myself to my dressing table to do

of myself. Everything in my life has lost its meaning. I'm so fucking lost

gatherings. Whether it was galas, charity dinners or just a simple laid back event. I loved

thoughts, I run my brush through my hair before picking up my concealer.

I ask, applying

your eyes. Every day, your light dims just a little bit. You have a lot to unpack. A lot of guilt,

a therapist. I can't imagine telling my best friend all that I'm feeling, let alone a stranger. Where would I even start? That I'm having a hard time, drowning and the

I murmur and place my concealer down after I'm done

then take out my lip balm and apply a thin layer

end, you still don't feel the need or any change, then you can stop going," she tells me gently,

stand up. Giving her the best smile I could

returns the smile.

that. As long as I don't look

Calvin and Gunner were home. They rarely go out on

it 'a boy's

I always rebuffed him. Now, I regret not listening to

purse. Once I spot it, I cross the room to pick it up before turning to Molly

"Good luck"

been my rock, but I know they can't keep