Ex-Husband's Regret

Emma.

"Are you sure about this?" Molly asked, her worried eyes scanning my face. "Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?"

Was I sure? Heck no. I don't know what will happen. I don't know how he'll react, but I have to do something, right? "Yes" I nod, straightening my back in determination.

I know I messed up big time. I know that what's happening to me is my fault. It's karma catching up with me, but I can't let it stop me. I can't sit around mopping wishing things were different.

I put on the pretty sundress I'd chosen. It was white and had some blue flowers on it. I wanted to look presentable, down to earth and warm. I wanted to look inviting. Someone you feel at ease by just looking at them. Sundresses always give that illusion.

"You do realize he might slam the door shut on you face at first look?" Molly adds, bouncing on my bed like a little kid.

I've thought about nothing since I decided to matters in my own. I've thought of nothing else, but how to change things between Gunner and I. I know it'll be hard. I've neglected him so many times over the years that his love for me probably died.

It fucking hurts my heart knowing that he views Ava more as a mother than me. Mom has told me countless of times how much he spends time at Rowan and Ava's home. It fucking hearts but I don't have anyone to blame.

Each day I wake up with guilt that consumes both my heart and soul. Each day brings a fresh onslaught of pain that I can't escape from. It guts me each time when I open my eyes and realize the shit and pain, I've caused.

My hearts constricts and I feel myself drowning in the darkness that's been consuming. More than anything, I want to know my baby, but I also want a respite from the constant heartache.

"Emma? Are you even listening?" Molly's voice pulls me from the edge of the abyss.

myself to my

a shadow of myself. Everything in my life has lost its meaning. I'm so fucking lost that some days I think it would be

it. Loved it. I also loved social gatherings. Whether it was galas, charity dinners or just a simple laid back event. I loved them. Now, though,

regret stare back at me. This feeling of being out of control, lost, was like a cancer that was slowly destroying me from the inside out. Trying to bury those thoughts, I run my brush through my hair before picking up my concealer. I've always had clear skin, so I didn't need much make-up. Just a concealer to hide

that do?" I ask, applying

bit. You have a lot to unpack. A lot of guilt, self-hatred and bitterness towards yourself. You

feeling, let alone a stranger. Where would I even start? That I'm having a hard time, drowning and the most appealing solution

and place my

a thin layer on my

any change, then you can stop going," she tells me gently, in

stand up. Giving her the best smile I could muster,

returns the smile.

that. As long as I don't look like a zombie, then

Sunday so I knew that Calvin and Gunner were home. They rarely go out on Sundays choosing to relax and

it

little things he and Calvin did, but I always rebuffed him. Now, I regret not listening to those

searching the room for my smarket purse. Once I spot it, I cross the room to pick

"Good luck"

and Molly have been my rock, but I know