Falling For The Man I Married

I found him still sitting in the living room. I thought I would no longer see him there. He was in a daze... sitting while looking blankly at the coffee table. And he didn't even notice that I was heading for the door.

I sighed as I was about to open the door but he hadn't even moved a bit. 

Shaking my head, I went back to him. "Gabriel," I said patting him on the shoulder. 

He looked up a little surprised when he realized I was standing in front of him. 

"Love.."

I held my breath after hearing that word. "I have to go."

He stood up quickly and looked at me. "Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

"Yeah, don't worry about me. I'm old enough to be careless." He looked at me directly in the eye.

"We are fine, are we?"

I chuckled at him. 

-'Fucking shit! I'm hurting! I am in pain! Do you think I'm fine?'-

"Of course! What made you think we're not okay?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. Just take care." he pulled me into a tight hug, but I didn't hug him back. I just patted his shoulder and immediately pulled back. His scent and that sweet gesture make me want to cry and run away from him. 

"Call me if you need someone to drive you home."

I nodded. "I have to go," I said and walked towards the door, not bothering to look back at him. I opened the door with a loud sigh.

But the moment I took the first step out, tears started to flow down my cheeks. I covered my mouth to prevent the sobs that wanted to escape my throat and ran towards the garage. 

The guards opened the driveway when they noticed my car, and when I was already outside the gate, I screamed. I screamed until my throat hurts. I wanted to ignore the pain and tried to pretend that feeling didn't exist, but I couldn't. Because the more I tried to be okay, the more I felt I was about to break down. 

Tears were blurring my visions, but I kept driving. Sobs after sobs were escaping my throat. It hurts... It really hurts... I don't know how to stop it. I don't even know how to control it. 

-'I thought we were fine! I thought he had already stopped chasing her, but fucking shit! I was wrong!'-

I turned on the radio to distract myself and focused on my driving, but even the DJ wanted to hurt me more... 

***Looking back I could have played it differently.. learned about the man before I fell... but it took time to understand the man, now at least I know, I know him well... 

Wasn't it good..  wasn't it fine.. isn't it madness, he can't be mine. But in the end, he needs a little bit more than me, he needs his fantasies and freedom... I know him so well... 

No one in your life is with you constantly, no one is completely on your side... And though I'd move my world to be with him, still the gap between us is too wide..***

I slammed my hands on the steering wheel. 

you! I already know that! Why

right! I would move my world to be with him, but still, the gap between us is too wide! He can't

station, and my tears broke out more with the next

you keep stayin' on my mind... All my friends say I'll survive, it just

time is gonna heal this broken heart... no I don't see how it can if it's broken

heal this broken heart... No, I don't see how it can while we are still apart... And when you hear this song, I hope that you will see..

you sure I am broken? Am I really broken?" I laughed at myself

have to be in pain? And why is loving him killing

lot of my restaurant. I shook my head and dropped it onto the steering wheel. I need to compose myself because I know Noelle would definitely notice my swollen eyes.

deep breath and tried to calm my

can do it! You can

way to the back office as I didn't want to confuse

the door, I saw Noelle talking to our head waiter, Tony. They both stood up and Tony greeted me. I just

alone with Noelle that

asked, concerns were

"Yup,"

took the pitcher of cold water from the fridge because I believe that was all I need at that

weren't crying when I called

me from behind. I didn't know she

"I didn't."

and your nose? You cried! And don't give me a fucking excuse for

chuckled at her. That was my old excuse back in college. I tried to go back to the office

anything you wanted

my head and gave her a

"Madielyn..."

"I'm okay, Noelle-----"

gasped when she snapped at me. "Come here!" she pulled me back to the

sat next to me. "Now, let's

told you,

snapped at me again. I looked at her and her eyes soften immediately. "Tell me the

and looked at my hands. "Well.. she's

She frowned. "Who's pregnant?"

"Stacey."

Stacey as in...

I nodded. 

she's pregnant--" she paused as her eyes widened. "---don't tell me

smiling at

asked and

course, I am! Why wouldn't I be okay?" I laughed

"Madi.."

I'm not okay, I wouldn't be able to

laughed so hard until stupid tears started flowing down my cheeks... until I can't stop it anymore. I laughed... then after a moment... I also found myself