Falling For The Man I Married

I found him still sitting in the living room. I thought I would no longer see him there. He was in a daze... sitting while looking blankly at the coffee table. And he didn't even notice that I was heading for the door.

I sighed as I was about to open the door but he hadn't even moved a bit. 

Shaking my head, I went back to him. "Gabriel," I said patting him on the shoulder. 

He looked up a little surprised when he realized I was standing in front of him. 

"Love.."

I held my breath after hearing that word. "I have to go."

He stood up quickly and looked at me. "Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

"Yeah, don't worry about me. I'm old enough to be careless." He looked at me directly in the eye.

"We are fine, are we?"

I chuckled at him. 

-'Fucking shit! I'm hurting! I am in pain! Do you think I'm fine?'-

"Of course! What made you think we're not okay?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. Just take care." he pulled me into a tight hug, but I didn't hug him back. I just patted his shoulder and immediately pulled back. His scent and that sweet gesture make me want to cry and run away from him. 

"Call me if you need someone to drive you home."

I nodded. "I have to go," I said and walked towards the door, not bothering to look back at him. I opened the door with a loud sigh.

But the moment I took the first step out, tears started to flow down my cheeks. I covered my mouth to prevent the sobs that wanted to escape my throat and ran towards the garage. 

The guards opened the driveway when they noticed my car, and when I was already outside the gate, I screamed. I screamed until my throat hurts. I wanted to ignore the pain and tried to pretend that feeling didn't exist, but I couldn't. Because the more I tried to be okay, the more I felt I was about to break down. 

Tears were blurring my visions, but I kept driving. Sobs after sobs were escaping my throat. It hurts... It really hurts... I don't know how to stop it. I don't even know how to control it. 

-'I thought we were fine! I thought he had already stopped chasing her, but fucking shit! I was wrong!'-

I turned on the radio to distract myself and focused on my driving, but even the DJ wanted to hurt me more... 

***Looking back I could have played it differently.. learned about the man before I fell... but it took time to understand the man, now at least I know, I know him well... 

Wasn't it good..  wasn't it fine.. isn't it madness, he can't be mine. But in the end, he needs a little bit more than me, he needs his fantasies and freedom... I know him so well... 

No one in your life is with you constantly, no one is completely on your side... And though I'd move my world to be with him, still the gap between us is too wide..***

I slammed my hands on the steering wheel. 

that! Why do you have

my world to be with him, but still, the gap between us is too wide! He can't be

my tears broke out more with

on my mind... All my friends say I'll survive, it just takes time...

heart... no I don't see how it can if

can while we are still apart... And

I laughed at myself even though I felt

to feel this way? Why do I have to be in pain? And

my head and dropped it onto the steering wheel. I need to compose myself because I know Noelle would definitely notice my

breath and

do it! You can do

to the back office as I didn't want to confuse my employees.

door, I saw Noelle talking to our head waiter, Tony. They both stood up and Tony greeted me. I just nodded and smiled at him

Noelle that has a deep

Are you okay?" she asked,

"Yup,"

of cold water from the fridge because I believe that was all I need at that

weren't crying when I

scolded me from behind. I didn't know she was following

"I didn't."

what happened to your eyes and your nose? You cried! And don't give me a fucking excuse for sniffing all the black peppers

was my old excuse back in college. I tried to go back to the office and walked past her but I felt her hand in my arm.

is there anything you wanted to

shook my head and gave

"Madielyn..."

"I'm okay, Noelle-----"

snapped at me. "Come here!" she pulled me

also sat next to me. "Now, let's talk about it.

you,

at me again. I looked at her and her eyes soften immediately. "Tell me the

at my hands. "Well..

She frowned. "Who's pregnant?"

"Stacey."

Stacey as in... Gabriel's

I nodded. 

if she's pregnant--" she paused as her eyes widened. "---don't tell me she's pregnant

smiling at her.

she asked and then

am! Why wouldn't I be okay?" I laughed

"Madi.."

okay, Noelle! See--- I'm laughing! If I'm not okay, I wouldn't be able to laugh

laughed so hard until stupid tears started flowing down my cheeks... until I can't stop it anymore. I laughed... then after a moment... I also found myself crying in the middle. Then the laugh died.. it was replaced by sobs... loud sobs that almost ripping my