Falling For The Man I Married

I found him still sitting in the living room. I thought I would no longer see him there. He was in a daze... sitting while looking blankly at the coffee table. And he didn't even notice that I was heading for the door.

I sighed as I was about to open the door but he hadn't even moved a bit. 

Shaking my head, I went back to him. "Gabriel," I said patting him on the shoulder. 

He looked up a little surprised when he realized I was standing in front of him. 

"Love.."

I held my breath after hearing that word. "I have to go."

He stood up quickly and looked at me. "Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

"Yeah, don't worry about me. I'm old enough to be careless." He looked at me directly in the eye.

"We are fine, are we?"

I chuckled at him. 

-'Fucking shit! I'm hurting! I am in pain! Do you think I'm fine?'-

"Of course! What made you think we're not okay?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. Just take care." he pulled me into a tight hug, but I didn't hug him back. I just patted his shoulder and immediately pulled back. His scent and that sweet gesture make me want to cry and run away from him. 

"Call me if you need someone to drive you home."

I nodded. "I have to go," I said and walked towards the door, not bothering to look back at him. I opened the door with a loud sigh.

But the moment I took the first step out, tears started to flow down my cheeks. I covered my mouth to prevent the sobs that wanted to escape my throat and ran towards the garage. 

The guards opened the driveway when they noticed my car, and when I was already outside the gate, I screamed. I screamed until my throat hurts. I wanted to ignore the pain and tried to pretend that feeling didn't exist, but I couldn't. Because the more I tried to be okay, the more I felt I was about to break down. 

Tears were blurring my visions, but I kept driving. Sobs after sobs were escaping my throat. It hurts... It really hurts... I don't know how to stop it. I don't even know how to control it. 

-'I thought we were fine! I thought he had already stopped chasing her, but fucking shit! I was wrong!'-

I turned on the radio to distract myself and focused on my driving, but even the DJ wanted to hurt me more... 

***Looking back I could have played it differently.. learned about the man before I fell... but it took time to understand the man, now at least I know, I know him well... 

Wasn't it good..  wasn't it fine.. isn't it madness, he can't be mine. But in the end, he needs a little bit more than me, he needs his fantasies and freedom... I know him so well... 

No one in your life is with you constantly, no one is completely on your side... And though I'd move my world to be with him, still the gap between us is too wide..***

I slammed my hands on the steering wheel. 

I already know that! Why do you have to

move my world to be with him, but still, the gap between us

tears broke out more with

now and then I cry.. every night, you keep stayin' on my mind... All my friends say I'll survive, it just takes time...

don't see how it can if it's

we are still apart... And when you hear this song, I hope that you will see..

am broken? Am I really broken?" I laughed at myself even though I felt a million knives were

way? Why do I have to be in pain? And why is loving him killing me

of my restaurant. I shook my head and dropped it onto the steering wheel. I need to compose myself

a deep breath and tried

do it! You can

my way to the back office as I didn't want to confuse

Noelle talking to our head waiter, Tony. They both stood up and Tony greeted me. I just nodded and smiled at him when he excused himself to

left alone with Noelle that has

Madi? Are you okay?" she asked, concerns were

"Yup,"

door to the mini-kitchen. I took the pitcher of cold water from the fridge because I believe that was all I need at that

you weren't crying

scolded me from behind. I didn't know

"I didn't."

eyes and your nose? You cried! And don't give me a fucking excuse for sniffing all the black peppers in your house before getting here! I won't

at her. That was my old excuse back in college. I tried to go back to the office and walked past her but I felt her hand in my

there anything you

shook my head and gave her a

"Madielyn..."

"I'm okay, Noelle-----"

she snapped at me. "Come here!" she pulled me back to the office and pushed me to sit

"Now, let's talk about it.

you,

me again. I looked at her and

at my hands. "Well.. she's

She frowned. "Who's pregnant?"

"Stacey."

Stacey as

I nodded. 

eyes widened. "---don't

nodded again smiling

are you okay?" she asked and

wouldn't I be okay?" I

"Madi.."

laughing! If I'm not okay, I wouldn't be able to laugh right

laughed so hard until stupid tears started flowing down my cheeks... until I can't stop it anymore. I laughed... then after a moment... I also found myself crying in the middle. Then the laugh died.. it was replaced by sobs... loud