Forever in the Past and Forever in the Future

Forever in the Past and Forever in the Future by Neener Chapter 48

“What? No, Kas. That’s not possible. You know that’s not possible. Saint would never harm a hair on your head. He loves you. I love you,” I say desperately, taking a step forward, praying she doesn’t take a step back. My heart clenches at the thought that she could ever be scared I would hurt her. What am I talking about? I just slapped her in the hallway in front of all those people.

She just had a vision that my wolf killed her. How could she not be scared of me?

A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts. I find James and Delilah standing there.

“Please, come in,” I gesture with my arm.

“Thank you, Alpha Bronx, ” Delilah says with a bow and walks past me.

“If it’s alright, Alpha, I’m going to stay in the hall with Tyree. Make sure things are…under control,” James gives me a knowing look. I trust him to convince Tyree to keep quiet about this incident.

“Thanks, James, ” I look at Tyree, who still looks very uncomfortable with what he just witnessed. Even with the sensitivity and speciesism awareness classes we had implemented, I ‘m sure nothing could prepare him for a purple glowing werewolf, that happened to be his Luna. I look back inside and see Lenora and Delilah trying to console Kas who is now crying and shaking her head. I want to run to her and console her, but I can feel her pain and fear. I know it will just upset her more,

“Actually, I think I need to step out for a bit while the ladies work this out too.“

I quietly step out, closing the door behind me. I walk down the stairs, ignoring everyone who says hello , out of the packhouse into the frozen gardens. The early December wind whips through my wool sweater, chilling me to my bone, but I ignore it. I don’t care. I pull the pack of cigarettes from my pocket. One left. I light it and take a long comforting drag before I walk further. My boots leave dark prints, like scars on the frosted ground.

”Bronx ! ” I hear Lenora scold through a mind link, ” Come back, you ne- ”

I can’t face Kas or anyone else right now. Not after what I did. I walk past the gardens, past the sprawling hills, and into the forest of the pack territory. If the only thing that is ever left of me is footprints on

emotion? It’s more than remorse. More than sorrow. I walk further and further into the woods, no direction or destination in mind. Just a sense of needing to sort myself out before I face my beautiful mate. My beautiful mate , that I hurt. My head is hollow and overwhelmingly full

into the woods destroys me more but I keep

me warm once the sun is completely set. I find a lockbox of spare clothes used for when pack members shift next to the Blood River. I pull out a winter jacket and a spare pack of cigarettes.

her sweet little giggle for the first time. The look of joy she gets when she cooks for me. The excitement the first time we went to

into thin air to study with the coven. The pride I felt watching her shift for the first time. Seeing the stunningly beautiful

help her? She is so much more than

I ‘in just a werewolf. A soldier who got lucky enough to be an Alpha. I ‘ in fooling myself to think I’m the right thing for her. I’m not worthy of her. I place my hands on either side of my head and sigh deeply.

moon and stars

and almost at its peak, glued down to the deep blue purple of the night

Almost.

I have had low moments in my life before, but this is the lowest. I don’ t see a way out of this bottomless

am what is best for her. Not in this life anyway, ” I gulp hard, fighting

takes my words away without a second thought. I close my eye, hoping against all odds, the wind has taken my words to hold an audience

my cheek. I feel the leftover moisture freeze on my skin. When I open my eye again, I feel a peculiar wind swirl around me. It is not bitter cold like the rest of

Goddess. Different emotions fill me now. Warm

swinging me wildly from despair to a sense of purpose. The wind fills my ears, ‘find balance, my warrior child’ a

flow reassures me with

need to ask her forgiveness. I can’t run from her.

Goddess, ” I say with a smile of