Forever in the Past and Forever in the Future

Forever in the Past and Forever in the Future by Neener Chapter 48

“What? No, Kas. That’s not possible. You know that’s not possible. Saint would never harm a hair on your head. He loves you. I love you,” I say desperately, taking a step forward, praying she doesn’t take a step back. My heart clenches at the thought that she could ever be scared I would hurt her. What am I talking about? I just slapped her in the hallway in front of all those people.

She just had a vision that my wolf killed her. How could she not be scared of me?

A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts. I find James and Delilah standing there.

“Please, come in,” I gesture with my arm.

“Thank you, Alpha Bronx, ” Delilah says with a bow and walks past me.

“If it’s alright, Alpha, I’m going to stay in the hall with Tyree. Make sure things are…under control,” James gives me a knowing look. I trust him to convince Tyree to keep quiet about this incident.

“Thanks, James, ” I look at Tyree, who still looks very uncomfortable with what he just witnessed. Even with the sensitivity and speciesism awareness classes we had implemented, I ‘m sure nothing could prepare him for a purple glowing werewolf, that happened to be his Luna. I look back inside and see Lenora and Delilah trying to console Kas who is now crying and shaking her head. I want to run to her and console her, but I can feel her pain and fear. I know it will just upset her more,

“Actually, I think I need to step out for a bit while the ladies work this out too.“

I quietly step out, closing the door behind me. I walk down the stairs, ignoring everyone who says hello , out of the packhouse into the frozen gardens. The early December wind whips through my wool sweater, chilling me to my bone, but I ignore it. I don’t care. I pull the pack of cigarettes from my pocket. One left. I light it and take a long comforting drag before I walk further. My boots leave dark prints, like scars on the frosted ground.

”Bronx ! ” I hear Lenora scold through a mind link, ” Come back, you ne- ”

can’t face Kas or anyone else right now. Not after what I did. I walk past

the woods, no direction or destination in mind. Just a sense of needing to sort myself

step I take further into the woods destroys me more but I keep

keep me warm once the sun is completely set. I find a lockbox of spare clothes used for when pack members shift next to the Blood River. I pull out a winter jacket and a spare pack of cigarettes. I light one and find a frozen rock to sit on. I sit and stare at the river, letting the smoke from the cigarette curl in front of my face. The

time I saw her, not understanding the rush of the mate bond I was feeling. That first car ride home, holding her in my arms feeling so helpless. Hearing her sweet little giggle for the first time. The look of joy she gets when she cooks for me. The excitement the first

into thin air to study with the coven. The pride I felt watching her shift for the first time. Seeing the stunningly beautiful Elexis for the first time. All these thoughts swirl around with my emotions, making me feel more and more

can I help her? She is so much more than

just a werewolf. A soldier who got lucky enough to be an Alpha. I ‘ in fooling myself to think I’m the right thing for her. I’m not worthy of her. I place my hands on either side of my head and sigh deeply. As I

and stars

I look up at the moon. It is full and almost at its peak, glued down to the deep blue purple of the night sky. The stars are splattered like bits of paint around it. Almost as beautiful

Almost.

breath. I have had low moments in my life before, but this is the lowest. I don’ t see a way out of this bottomless pit I have thrown

help me. I need your guidance. I want nothing but the best for your daughter. I’m not sure if I am what is best for her. Not in this life anyway, ” I gulp hard, fighting back tears as I call out into

I close my eye, hoping against all

tries to slide down my cheek. I feel the leftover moisture freeze on my skin. When I open my eye again,

me now. Warm and comforting

to a sense of purpose.

reassures me with a

moments I do bonehead things. She is my mate and I need to ask her forgiveness. I can’t run from her. I need to run to

Goddess, ” I say with a smile