Forever in the Past and Forever in the Future

Forever in the Past and Forever in the Future by Neener Chapter 48

“What? No, Kas. That’s not possible. You know that’s not possible. Saint would never harm a hair on your head. He loves you. I love you,” I say desperately, taking a step forward, praying she doesn’t take a step back. My heart clenches at the thought that she could ever be scared I would hurt her. What am I talking about? I just slapped her in the hallway in front of all those people.

She just had a vision that my wolf killed her. How could she not be scared of me?

A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts. I find James and Delilah standing there.

“Please, come in,” I gesture with my arm.

“Thank you, Alpha Bronx, ” Delilah says with a bow and walks past me.

“If it’s alright, Alpha, I’m going to stay in the hall with Tyree. Make sure things are…under control,” James gives me a knowing look. I trust him to convince Tyree to keep quiet about this incident.

“Thanks, James, ” I look at Tyree, who still looks very uncomfortable with what he just witnessed. Even with the sensitivity and speciesism awareness classes we had implemented, I ‘m sure nothing could prepare him for a purple glowing werewolf, that happened to be his Luna. I look back inside and see Lenora and Delilah trying to console Kas who is now crying and shaking her head. I want to run to her and console her, but I can feel her pain and fear. I know it will just upset her more,

“Actually, I think I need to step out for a bit while the ladies work this out too.“

I quietly step out, closing the door behind me. I walk down the stairs, ignoring everyone who says hello , out of the packhouse into the frozen gardens. The early December wind whips through my wool sweater, chilling me to my bone, but I ignore it. I don’t care. I pull the pack of cigarettes from my pocket. One left. I light it and take a long comforting drag before I walk further. My boots leave dark prints, like scars on the frosted ground.

”Bronx ! ” I hear Lenora scold through a mind link, ” Come back, you ne- ”

me. I can’t face Kas or anyone else right now. Not after what I did. I walk past the

more than remorse. More than sorrow. I walk further and further into the woods, no direction or destination in mind. Just a sense of needing to sort myself out before I face my beautiful mate. My beautiful mate , that I hurt. My head is hollow and overwhelmingly full at

further into the woods destroys me more but

sweater I’m wearing won’t be enough to keep me warm once the sun is completely set. I find a lockbox of spare clothes used for when pack members shift next to the Blood River. I pull out a winter jacket and a spare pack of cigarettes. I light one and find a

me. The excitement the first time we went to the dining room and I had to hide our glowing hands. The way she initiated our first kiss even though I was caked in mud. Thinking about it now makes butterflies form in my stomach. I take another long drag of the cigarette to calm them down. The pain I felt

time. Seeing the stunningly beautiful Elexis for the first time. All these thoughts swirl around with my emotions, making me feel more

her? She is so much

I’m the right thing for her. I’m not worthy of her. I place my hands on either side of my head and sigh deeply. As I put my elbows on my knees, I look down and realize I have smoked more than

and stars

It is full and almost at its peak, glued down to the deep blue purple of the night sky. The stars are splattered like bits of paint around it.

Almost.

have had low moments in my life before, but this is the lowest. I don’ t see a

I am what is best for her. Not in this life anyway, ” I gulp hard, fighting back tears as I

a second thought. I close my eye, hoping against all odds, the wind has taken

I wipe away a traitorous tear that escapes and tries to slide down my cheek. I feel the leftover moisture freeze on my skin. When I open my eye again, I feel a peculiar wind swirl around me. It is not bitter

Goddess. Different emotions fill me now. Warm and comforting acceptance,

wrapped into one, swinging me wildly from despair to a sense of purpose. The

endless flow reassures me

and I need

Goddess, ” I