Clare Miller sipped her black coffee watching the seawater darken as day became night. A gentle breeze caressed her face and blew her long brown and newly ironed hair as it flowed like a river of gleaming satin over the back of a comfortable rattan sofa. Curling back into the sofa she shut her eyes to watch the kaleidoscope of colours dance behind her eyelids.

South Africa was so much warmer than London. No gloomy skies with incessant rainfall, no falling on your ass in Boulevard, or walking for miles in soaked boots because you lost your stupid pass. South Africa was about waking to the echo of the ocean, sipping coffee in the sun while wearing shorts and a vest as you waited for the heat to drift away in the grip of winter. Well, it was that to Clare and more, but it wasn't home, it wasn't West London, and she missed home.

The non-stop activity since their hurried departure from London was enough a reason to spend a weekend in bed. Adding on the jet lag was the last straw as her body succumbed to the exhaustion that’d been weighing on her in recent weeks.

For the first time in weeks, her mind and body began to relax, well attempted to. Instead, she got lost in her thoughts as they flashed over the recent course of events, specifically to that one night. The night tossed her life into chaos and precipitated their sudden arrival in Durban, South Africa.

It was after three a.m when her mother returned that night from the ‘medical association meeting’ in a totally dishevelled state. Clare was engrossed in a rerun of cribs when her mother stormed through the front door. A torn skirt, broken heel, hair in a total mess, dried blood, her mother was the prime image of a woman who’d been raped or mugged, except her bag was still over her shoulder. Her mother just stared at her with those big eyes, before she beat her feet to the bedroom. Clare ran up the stairs and banged with the heel of her palms on her mother’s door and shouted, “mom, mom? MOM, open up! Mom, should I call the police?” Her mother didn't reply, even as she rattled the locked door.

“Mom, come on, open up, talk to me.” She banged on the door, kicked it, but it was no use. She knew that, even as she screamed, “MOM, please, don't do this, tell me what to do.”

after passed in silence as the sun bled in through the bathroom window,

she waited for any sign from her mother. The ache in her back from the cold wall and cramps in her legs from staying in the same position for so long meant nothing in the end. Because she never got a response, not then, or the next afternoon when

then things had gotten strange and confusing. Her mother flat out refused, “NO!” She’d all but screamed, “I need you

collected overbearing mother became a nervous wreck overnight. Moody and short-tempered replaced the calm and collected. Her mother was continuously agitated, nerves constantly on edge, snapping at people for the silliest

of the window. Clare was sure she saw her slice her hand chopping potatoes. Instinct had Clare grab her mother’s hand to place it under the cold tap but there wasn’t any injury. Her mother brushed it off as her overreacting and insisted Clare imagined the incident because the blood was from the meat. Which didn’t make sense, her mother never touched the meat, or anything red. But

place so foreign to her. They could’ve gone anywhere, America was the most logical option. Clare had lived in Washington for two years after the car accident which changed her life in more ways than

birthplace, Washington DC. The small piece of paper was the difference between her sanity and going crazy from not knowing. Without it, she’d be lost because her mother never spoke of the past. Her mother's adamant refusal to talk about life before the accident was contradicted by the look in her eyes when

of remaining tight-lipped about

it marked her life, it marked the years. Those many years that she’ll never get back because

had said,

Ms Miller but there’s nothing we can do.” Those were only some of the

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