In My Desperate Time

After one week, I am discharged from the hospital.

During the hospital stay, I pick out a name for my daughter:

Penelope.

It means love that never dies.

But I guess I'm the only one who knows why I give her that name.

Penelope has yet to be discharged from the hospital, but now she can take her bottle herself. That's something!

The doctor gives her a checkup and tells me that if it goes well, Penelope will be transferred to the general ward in two days.

Since I can't see Penelope except in visiting hours, my mother and I go back to our hometown together.

On Monday afternoon, we rush over to see her.

Three days later, Penelope is transferred to the general ward. And I stay in the hospital so that I can take good care of her.

Seeing her increasingly round chubby cheeks, I feel extremely happy.

But my mother really worries about me.

"Jane, you've lost a lot of weight."

I'm thinner than I

a month. My mother wouldn't let me. If not for my tears and pleas, I wouldn't have been allowed to stay

I’m barely

I'm even afraid to look at myself. I'm afraid that it might make

on. If I fall

me to rest in the bed next to Penelope's after I've taken care of her for a

Penelope has gained from

the doctor in mind, I carefully bring

requires a lot of

have

all I can do is to get

to

don't want to be

I pick up the brush, I would think of

to my mind and

flashbacks of the bygone days. That shot has brought me great pain, reminding me that it was me who personally destroyed

I think about it, my heart aches so

could be away from Frances if I didn't think about him or

he suddenly

he shows up with Hilda, Albie, and

like a family

lunch box, squatting on the side of the road and