Life After the Storm

Today is the day it's time to put my family 6 feet under the ground. As I get my black dress out of the bag, I hang it up. I look at it as tears start to feel my eyes. This is my funeral dress never thinking I would be wearing it to bury my family. I decide to get a shower I turn the water on letting it warm as I take my clothes off. I look into the mirror and the bruises from the accident where all fading like it never happened. I'm so angry I let out a scream of fury. I just drop to the floor and bring my knees to my chest trying to comfort myself as I cry.

I watch as the bathroom fills up with steam from the hot water in the shower. Forcing myself to get up and get in the shower, telling myself I stink I need to shower. As the hot water is burning my skin, I don't budge, wanting to feel anything but what I'm feeling right now. It almost feels like a relief to me, I can feel the burning is all over me. I just relax as I clean myself, getting angry that the water is turning cold. I shut it off and got out. I look in the mirror and see my skin looking red, not giving a shit that it stings. I go to grab my dress slipping over my body as I stare at myself in the mirror. I hate the way I look. I can't do this, I can't handle this, I don't want to. I shift into my wolf tearing the dress apart and taking off through the woods not stopping not being able to stop all my grief has taken over me, I can't come out from it, I'm stuck in this life I'm so unsure of everything, so I just run.

I feel so ashamed not going to the ceremony. I know people are going to talk, but I don't care. I was never much for funerals especially now it being my family I just can't. I can't bear to see them lying in a casket, I don't want that to be my last memory of them. I know that my family would expect me to move on and live the best life possible. I am just hoping in time I will be able to just live not wanting to die. If it wouldn't be for my family being so disappointed in me for killing myself, I probably would already have done so. I always ask myself why let me live and take them away. 

Is my purpose just a breeder for the Alpha is that why I lived. It's crazy that he will be the Alpha of the pack I've been in my entire life, I have never met him until that day. I guess he just became Alpha a couple of years ago when his father passed it over to him, but I still never met him. I know he has to be older, he didn't go to our school. So, why was he there if I never would have met him? My fate would have been the same as my families; he would have never cared to save me? I hate him for saving me and not letting me perish with the ones I have loved. 

I look up at the trees to the stars. It's so beautiful. As I began to shiver and shake from the cold, I then snapped back to reality as all the peacefulness drained out of me.. I started to fall asleep hoping this time I wouldn't wake up. I don't get to sleep long until I feel someone shaking, asking me if I'm ok. I shrug them off me, not

hurt you I just wanted to make sure

don't respond, I just shift into my wolf and take off searching for somewhere else where I wouldn't be found, so I could have peace. I get to the top of Wicked Falls I shift back to my human walk up to the edge just wanting to jump I then hear a shuffle

the Beta my is name Sam I am to watch over you if you jump then the Alpha will have my head so

not going to jump and not caring that he is looking over my naked body. I just sit down on the edge to rest watching as the water comes out of the falls, wishing things were different. Wondering why the hell I have a babysitter. Really, just wanting to be alone and not having someone watch my every move would be nice. I don't need anyone to try to protect me, I will be fine. If something would happen to me, it really wouldn't be the worst thing to happen. There is know one left that loves me, there wouldn't even be a person who would affected. The Alpha could enjoy his life with his girlfriend, not having to worry about his pathetic mate interfering

you please just listen to me and get away from the edge, I