Life After the Storm

I have been lost for words since I ran into Ivan. Surprised that he left me free, I still wonder for how long it will be for. Now that he knows I'm alive. I have to tell Landon everything, I can't put it off any longer he needs to know. I have never lied to him. He really has never asked about my past. I am just afraid. That he will make me leave.

As I toss and turn in my bed, there's no use for sleep. I get up, head to the bathroom. I turn the water on for the shower, maybe this will relax me. I undress while the water is warming. I look at myself in the mirror with my growing belly. As I can feel her movement, I become grateful that I have her.

Lost and thought, the mirror steams. I open the shower curtain and step in, letting the hot water pour over my body. I try just to relax, but my mind is everywhere. All I can remember is his touch that made my body crazy. I crave his touch, I don't know why, I wonder what is happening to me.

Star is angry because I did not go back to him. The life with him is so uncertain that I can't bear to even try. I am not that weak woman that I was, I am strong. I will not allow him to take advantage of me. He is to be married, and I would be left to be alone. I struggle in my thoughts as the hot water touches my skin. I can't allow my feelings to develop for him.

I try my hardest to push them aside. As I wash my hair and my body. I scrubbed the dirt away, hoping that once I get out that I am clean from all of this. It was one poor judgement that I should have never allowed to happen. I don't belong to anyone, I am free no matter the cost.

As I get out of the shower to dry myself, I know that I need to tell Landon everything. He has a right to know in case I put him in danger and everyone in his pack. I would not blame him if he wanted me to go. I just hope that he cares enough to allow me to stay.

I tried so hard to block any feelings for anyone, but there was no use. Even though Landon caused me pain. There is just something about him that I Can't resist. I've been trying to tell myself that it's all a lie, that I don't care about him. But I know he is what brought me back to life.

so mad at myself for putting all of my happiness in

go to get my clothes, feeling so confused, I want to be comfortable as I put comfortable clothes on. I am so lost and not sure what to do, maybe I should ask somebody. I gather my thoughts and put my shoes on and head to the door. I need to talk to Dean,

feel judged, I feel accepted even though nobody really talks to me. But I believe that is mainly my fault for not talking to them. It's me not trying to build relationships, being afraid of what will happen, not wanting to get hurt. If I begin to care about people, what happens when

I don't ever want to feel again, that is what is preventing me from caring about others. I think that is one of the main reasons why I am so afraid to get connected to my pregnancy.

much emotion and need to let it out, I'm hoping that Dean is not busy, so I can talk to him. Knowing that he is not the person who I really need to be talking to, but I need to figure this out before I talk to Landon. When I reach Dean's house, I'm almost relieved. I knock on the

"Lilly good morning."

I don't respond, and then I'm thinking hello answer him. "Good morning, Landon is

he wanted to do a quick check up on

Jayden OK, he's not having any issues

because of you running out last night. You couldn't stay to

sorry, I didn't