Love Aint Always Pretty

Fanaa

- destruction of self; "destroyed in love"

Origin: Arabic and Urdu

17

I take the supplies that I need to clean his wound and lay them out on the counter. I prop up my leg leaning it on the toilet bowl just below his crotch and placed his hand on my leg.

I.

Put.

His.

Hand.

On.

My.

Leg.

Holy hell.

His arm draping across my leg and I wish my hands would calm down and not shake while I clean his wound. As I start putting alcohol over the cut with the cotton ball clipped with the tweezers, I push all of my hair to one side so it won't intervene while I'm cleaning his wound. I was amazed that he doesn't flinch at all from the stinging pain. He just sat there and doesn't make a sound. I was even silently wincing for him but he just watches me work quietly. We didn't talk as always.

I don't know if he was looking at his hand or thinking if I was doing it right even though I know what I'm doing, or he was looking at my face. I don't know because I'm too nervous to look at him. But I try to ignore Nick even though our faces were a little closer than a while ago. I even feel his breath on my cheek every single time he exhales.

I see his other hand resting on his knee but I ignored it again. All of a sudden I can sense that one of the tips of his fingers is now touching my knee but I still try to ignore it. I reached for something from the first aid and slowly placed an antibiotic cream on his wound. Our eyes lock for three seconds the least but then I quickly looked back down on his wound. He's too close in getting too conscious with what I'm doing.

Suddenly I dropped the cream on the floor. "Shit." I cursed.

I hurriedly picked it up and acted weird before Nick. I can't tell if he's tensed as I am. But I couldn't quite figure out if he's nervous because I was this close to him or because I was hurting him with what I was doing over his wound.

Suddenly, two of the tips now touches my knee.

Now three.

I inhale again and try to grab the gauze from the kit while exhaling. I didn't look at him after grabbing it, I quickly looked back down on his wound. As much as I want to focus on his hand, making the perfect wrap around his wound, I can't cos the tips of his fingers that are on my knee isn't an accidental graze at all.

He's actually touching me.

His fingers now trailing around my knee and his hand slowly runs down the back of my leg. Holy shit. All of a sudden his forehead pressing against my neck then he sighs while squeezing my leg. I can't move. I don't want to move at all.

Breathe Savannah.

Just breathe.

I quickly manage to finish with his gauze covering around his palm but he still didn't speak. He doesn't release me too so I didn't back away. I can feel his warm breathing on my neck.

Breathe Savannah.

Slowly I feel his hand gliding go to my thigh then on my hip and now up to my waist. Shit he's holding my waist.

Breathe Savannah.

Breathe Savannah.

His fingers gripping my waist as he slowly pulls his head back. His face now close to mine and now that the space in between us is growing smaller and smaller, I think every muscle in my body somehow just forgot it's job.

"Savannah." He whispers.

I gulped.

I pulled myself up all of a sudden and escaped from his grip. He was still sitting on top of the closed toilet

"I'm done cleaning it. Uhh..." I scratch my hair. "I just need to recheck it again probably before we leave tomorrow."

out and took a deep breath. As I was about to leave him, he grabs my wrist and pulled me back inside the restroom and I was closer to him. He gently closes the door and

Oh god.

Oh god.

me as I prop my head up to him. He pulled his wounded hand up to my cheek, holding my face

He's wetting them.

That.

Was.

So.

Hot.

sure that Nick really

right now, I'm hella sure that I want to do the same

slowly trailing from the back of my neck moving down against my spine and I feel some left marks

with every inch he comes closer and closer to me. And I'm pretty damn sure that nothing from

head on the opposite side. Both of us closing our eyes together and boom. My lips are pressing against his. He tightens the grip on the back of neck. The feeling of lips on mine is

he is really kissing

a second then a calm sea the next. His fingers digging into my hip and my arms wrapping around his neck. His kisses gaining a little speed

toxic and unhealthy, but I

he's not only on his pants right now and if he didn't have that wound, we

Christ he just

hand slowly brushes down his chest but then the kiss

He stopped.

Why did he stop?

No. No.

me again again. Kiss me again.

He's obviously regretting that we kissed. He's regretting that he kissed me. Nick pushes himself off the wall

me do that again to you." He

Why?

Why Nick?

Why?

he said. He sounded like he didn't want it. It's stuck here in me but I want him to kiss me again so badly he could choke on his saliva. He opens the door but I don't want him to go. I don't want him to leave me here after kissing me so terribly great like that. Finally he leaves me still against this stupid wall. I stood there, thinking and quiet the entire time after he

I sigh.

out of the bathroom and saw Tracy walking up the stairs.

would deep?"

my head. "Nothing

chick flick in HBO. Watch it with

brother?" I

out to the door right across the room I'll be staying

the couch and she

girlfriend, Tracy?" I

no. As much as I can remember, he's been single for

Isn't he like twenty four? And he's in college for god sake.

shakes her head. "He's single. Trust me. I know he's old to still be in college but there's always reasons behind every decisions that we

I just nod.

•••••

hitting the rooftop. Gosh, I'm going to miss my first class tomorrow. But it's okay, at least I

him to be attracted

asleep for the nth time but no use. I can't even if I try to. My mind is still thinking about that deliciously perfect kiss I had with Nick. I crawled out of my bed and pulled my hair up into a messy bun

couch with the light from the tv was the only thing lighting up the entire living room. He looks at me as if he was expecting me to come down.

how I

fridge then noticed that it was already 1AM. I grabbed a box of fresh

you were

as soon as I heard Nick's voice. I turned around as quick as I

not." I

the tv on, but its shut already. The entire house is too quiet. It's too quiet that it's getting awkward.

some girly stuff before

after taking a drink from my glass. I wiped my upper lip with the back of my thumb. I wanted to ask him if he's really been single for eight years. I mean, that's already

have you been

couldn't hold it in

away

why did you stop kissing me if

you had... At least...." I just don't know how to finish my sentence

He continued for

with some girls cos of your