Love Aint Always Pretty

Fanaa

- destruction of self; "destroyed in love"

Origin: Arabic and Urdu

17

I take the supplies that I need to clean his wound and lay them out on the counter. I prop up my leg leaning it on the toilet bowl just below his crotch and placed his hand on my leg.

I.

Put.

His.

Hand.

On.

My.

Leg.

Holy hell.

His arm draping across my leg and I wish my hands would calm down and not shake while I clean his wound. As I start putting alcohol over the cut with the cotton ball clipped with the tweezers, I push all of my hair to one side so it won't intervene while I'm cleaning his wound. I was amazed that he doesn't flinch at all from the stinging pain. He just sat there and doesn't make a sound. I was even silently wincing for him but he just watches me work quietly. We didn't talk as always.

I don't know if he was looking at his hand or thinking if I was doing it right even though I know what I'm doing, or he was looking at my face. I don't know because I'm too nervous to look at him. But I try to ignore Nick even though our faces were a little closer than a while ago. I even feel his breath on my cheek every single time he exhales.

I see his other hand resting on his knee but I ignored it again. All of a sudden I can sense that one of the tips of his fingers is now touching my knee but I still try to ignore it. I reached for something from the first aid and slowly placed an antibiotic cream on his wound. Our eyes lock for three seconds the least but then I quickly looked back down on his wound. He's too close in getting too conscious with what I'm doing.

Suddenly I dropped the cream on the floor. "Shit." I cursed.

I hurriedly picked it up and acted weird before Nick. I can't tell if he's tensed as I am. But I couldn't quite figure out if he's nervous because I was this close to him or because I was hurting him with what I was doing over his wound.

Suddenly, two of the tips now touches my knee.

Now three.

I inhale again and try to grab the gauze from the kit while exhaling. I didn't look at him after grabbing it, I quickly looked back down on his wound. As much as I want to focus on his hand, making the perfect wrap around his wound, I can't cos the tips of his fingers that are on my knee isn't an accidental graze at all.

He's actually touching me.

His fingers now trailing around my knee and his hand slowly runs down the back of my leg. Holy shit. All of a sudden his forehead pressing against my neck then he sighs while squeezing my leg. I can't move. I don't want to move at all.

Breathe Savannah.

Just breathe.

I quickly manage to finish with his gauze covering around his palm but he still didn't speak. He doesn't release me too so I didn't back away. I can feel his warm breathing on my neck.

Breathe Savannah.

Slowly I feel his hand gliding go to my thigh then on my hip and now up to my waist. Shit he's holding my waist.

Breathe Savannah.

Breathe Savannah.

His fingers gripping my waist as he slowly pulls his head back. His face now close to mine and now that the space in between us is growing smaller and smaller, I think every muscle in my body somehow just forgot it's job.

"Savannah." He whispers.

I gulped.

I pulled myself up all of a sudden and escaped from his grip. He was still sitting on top of the closed toilet

"I'm done cleaning it. Uhh..." I scratch my hair. "I just need to recheck it again probably before we leave tomorrow."

restroom and I was closer to him. He gently closes the door and locked it. He's still

Oh god.

Oh god.

eyes never leaves mine. His head now looking down at me while his height towering over me as I prop my head up to him. He pulled his wounded hand up to my cheek, holding

He's wetting them.

That.

Was.

So.

Hot.

right now, I'm damn sure that

sure that I

my neck moving down against my

me. And

on the opposite side. Both of us closing our eyes together and boom. My lips are pressing against his. He tightens the grip on

he is

second then a calm sea the next. His fingers digging into my hip and my arms wrapping around his neck. His kisses gaining a little speed while he lifts my leg, wrapping it around

a cigarette; toxic and unhealthy, but I love

now and if

Christ he

kiss came to an abrupt stop and drops my

He stopped.

Why did he stop?

No. No. No.

again again. Kiss me again. We were getting warmer.

that he kissed me. Nick pushes himself off the wall and turned his back to me.

that again to you." He

Why?

Why Nick?

Why?

his saliva. He opens the door but I don't want him to go. I don't want him

I sigh.

the bathroom and saw Tracy walking

Nick's would

shake my head. "Nothing

watching this chick flick in HBO. Watch

your brother?" I

out to the door right across the room I'll be staying

the couch and she started changing the

Tracy?" I asked

no. As much as I can remember, he's been

me? Isn't he like twenty four? And he's in college for god sake. I'm sure he'll

"He's single. Trust me. I know he's old to still be in

I just nod.

•••••

that Tracy prepared for me as I still hear the rain hitting the rooftop. Gosh, I'm going to miss my first class tomorrow. But it's okay,

really want him to be attracted

even if I try to. My mind is still thinking about that deliciously perfect kiss I had with Nick. I crawled out of my bed and pulled my hair up into a messy bun before heading

I stepped down the last step of the stairs, I see Nick sitting on the couch with the light from the tv was the only thing lighting up the entire

if he didn't like how I kissed

kitchen and exhaled the moment I shut the kitchen door close. I light up the kitchen and headed to the fridge then noticed that it was already 1AM. I grabbed a box of fresh milk and poured myself a glass then lean against the counter. I hope they don't mind

you were

milk from the glass as soon as I heard Nick's voice. I turned around as quick as I

I answered, looking

on, but its shut already. The entire house is too

you and Tracy do some girly stuff before going to sleep?" He

my head after taking a drink from my glass. I wiped my upper lip with the back of my thumb. I wanted to ask him if he's really been single for eight years. I mean, that's already far too long and

been single Nick?"

couldn't hold it

away without

why did you stop kissing me if

Wow. But have you had... At least...." I just don't know how to

sex?" He continued

You can always hook up with some girls cos of your good looks. You can easily