Love Aint Always Pretty

Fanaa

- destruction of self; "destroyed in love"

Origin: Arabic and Urdu

17

I take the supplies that I need to clean his wound and lay them out on the counter. I prop up my leg leaning it on the toilet bowl just below his crotch and placed his hand on my leg.

I.

Put.

His.

Hand.

On.

My.

Leg.

Holy hell.

His arm draping across my leg and I wish my hands would calm down and not shake while I clean his wound. As I start putting alcohol over the cut with the cotton ball clipped with the tweezers, I push all of my hair to one side so it won't intervene while I'm cleaning his wound. I was amazed that he doesn't flinch at all from the stinging pain. He just sat there and doesn't make a sound. I was even silently wincing for him but he just watches me work quietly. We didn't talk as always.

I don't know if he was looking at his hand or thinking if I was doing it right even though I know what I'm doing, or he was looking at my face. I don't know because I'm too nervous to look at him. But I try to ignore Nick even though our faces were a little closer than a while ago. I even feel his breath on my cheek every single time he exhales.

I see his other hand resting on his knee but I ignored it again. All of a sudden I can sense that one of the tips of his fingers is now touching my knee but I still try to ignore it. I reached for something from the first aid and slowly placed an antibiotic cream on his wound. Our eyes lock for three seconds the least but then I quickly looked back down on his wound. He's too close in getting too conscious with what I'm doing.

Suddenly I dropped the cream on the floor. "Shit." I cursed.

I hurriedly picked it up and acted weird before Nick. I can't tell if he's tensed as I am. But I couldn't quite figure out if he's nervous because I was this close to him or because I was hurting him with what I was doing over his wound.

Suddenly, two of the tips now touches my knee.

Now three.

I inhale again and try to grab the gauze from the kit while exhaling. I didn't look at him after grabbing it, I quickly looked back down on his wound. As much as I want to focus on his hand, making the perfect wrap around his wound, I can't cos the tips of his fingers that are on my knee isn't an accidental graze at all.

He's actually touching me.

His fingers now trailing around my knee and his hand slowly runs down the back of my leg. Holy shit. All of a sudden his forehead pressing against my neck then he sighs while squeezing my leg. I can't move. I don't want to move at all.

Breathe Savannah.

Just breathe.

I quickly manage to finish with his gauze covering around his palm but he still didn't speak. He doesn't release me too so I didn't back away. I can feel his warm breathing on my neck.

Breathe Savannah.

Slowly I feel his hand gliding go to my thigh then on my hip and now up to my waist. Shit he's holding my waist.

Breathe Savannah.

Breathe Savannah.

His fingers gripping my waist as he slowly pulls his head back. His face now close to mine and now that the space in between us is growing smaller and smaller, I think every muscle in my body somehow just forgot it's job.

"Savannah." He whispers.

I gulped.

I pulled myself up all of a sudden and escaped from his grip. He was still sitting on top of the closed toilet

"I'm done cleaning it. Uhh..." I scratch my hair. "I just need to recheck it again probably before we leave tomorrow."

and took a deep breath. As I was about to leave him, he grabs my wrist and pulled me back inside the restroom and I was closer to him. He gently closes the door and locked it. He's still sitting on the toilet though and now I'm standing in between his legs.

Oh god.

Oh god.

his height towering over me as I prop my head up to him. He pulled his wounded hand up to my cheek, holding my face and all of a sudden he licked his lips. He. Licked.

He's wetting them.

That.

Was.

So.

Hot.

sure that Nick really wants

that I want to do the

hand slowly trailing from the back of my neck moving down against my spine and I feel some left marks with

die with every inch he comes closer and closer to me. And I'm pretty damn

side and my head on the opposite side. Both of us closing our eyes together and boom. My lips are pressing against his. He tightens the grip on the back of neck. The feeling of lips

is really

lips is like a destructive hurricane for a second then a calm sea the next. His

and unhealthy, but I

if he's not only on his pants right now and if he didn't have that wound, we

Christ he just

slowly brushes down his chest but then the kiss came

He stopped.

Why did he stop?

No. No.

again. We were

eyes were shut closed. He's obviously regretting that we kissed. He's regretting that he kissed me. Nick pushes himself off the wall and turned his back to me. I didn't see his eyes after he

me do that again

Why?

Why Nick?

Why?

is caught in my throat. He meant what he said. He sounded like he didn't want it. It's stuck here in me but I want him to kiss me again so badly he could choke on his saliva. He opens the door but I don't want him to go. I don't

I sigh.

the bathroom and

would

my head. "Nothing

chick

brother?"

points out to the door right across the room I'll be staying

reached the couch and she

a girlfriend, Tracy?" I asked

can remember,

dropped. "You're kidding me? Isn't he like twenty four? And he's in college for god sake. I'm sure he'll get tempted by

know he's old to still be in college but there's

I just nod.

•••••

rain hitting the rooftop. Gosh, I'm going to miss my first class tomorrow.

want him to

if I try to. My mind is still thinking about that deliciously perfect kiss I had with Nick. I crawled out of my bed and pulled my hair up into a messy bun before heading out of my bedroom. I wanted to get something to drink

tv was the only thing lighting up the entire living room. He looks at me as if he

he didn't like how I kissed him? Did I suck at

noticed that it was already 1AM. I grabbed a box of fresh milk and poured myself a glass then lean against the counter. I hope they don't mind that I'm taking a little

you

I turned around as quick as I

not." I answered,

already. The entire

and Tracy do some girly stuff before going to sleep?" He

wanted to ask him if he's really been single for eight

been single Nick?" I

couldn't hold it

years." He answers right away without

you stop kissing me if

At least...." I just don't know how to finish my sentence

sex?" He

hook up with some girls