Love Aint Always Pretty

Fanaa

- destruction of self; "destroyed in love"

Origin: Arabic and Urdu

17

I take the supplies that I need to clean his wound and lay them out on the counter. I prop up my leg leaning it on the toilet bowl just below his crotch and placed his hand on my leg.

I.

Put.

His.

Hand.

On.

My.

Leg.

Holy hell.

His arm draping across my leg and I wish my hands would calm down and not shake while I clean his wound. As I start putting alcohol over the cut with the cotton ball clipped with the tweezers, I push all of my hair to one side so it won't intervene while I'm cleaning his wound. I was amazed that he doesn't flinch at all from the stinging pain. He just sat there and doesn't make a sound. I was even silently wincing for him but he just watches me work quietly. We didn't talk as always.

I don't know if he was looking at his hand or thinking if I was doing it right even though I know what I'm doing, or he was looking at my face. I don't know because I'm too nervous to look at him. But I try to ignore Nick even though our faces were a little closer than a while ago. I even feel his breath on my cheek every single time he exhales.

I see his other hand resting on his knee but I ignored it again. All of a sudden I can sense that one of the tips of his fingers is now touching my knee but I still try to ignore it. I reached for something from the first aid and slowly placed an antibiotic cream on his wound. Our eyes lock for three seconds the least but then I quickly looked back down on his wound. He's too close in getting too conscious with what I'm doing.

Suddenly I dropped the cream on the floor. "Shit." I cursed.

I hurriedly picked it up and acted weird before Nick. I can't tell if he's tensed as I am. But I couldn't quite figure out if he's nervous because I was this close to him or because I was hurting him with what I was doing over his wound.

Suddenly, two of the tips now touches my knee.

Now three.

I inhale again and try to grab the gauze from the kit while exhaling. I didn't look at him after grabbing it, I quickly looked back down on his wound. As much as I want to focus on his hand, making the perfect wrap around his wound, I can't cos the tips of his fingers that are on my knee isn't an accidental graze at all.

He's actually touching me.

His fingers now trailing around my knee and his hand slowly runs down the back of my leg. Holy shit. All of a sudden his forehead pressing against my neck then he sighs while squeezing my leg. I can't move. I don't want to move at all.

Breathe Savannah.

Just breathe.

I quickly manage to finish with his gauze covering around his palm but he still didn't speak. He doesn't release me too so I didn't back away. I can feel his warm breathing on my neck.

Breathe Savannah.

Slowly I feel his hand gliding go to my thigh then on my hip and now up to my waist. Shit he's holding my waist.

Breathe Savannah.

Breathe Savannah.

His fingers gripping my waist as he slowly pulls his head back. His face now close to mine and now that the space in between us is growing smaller and smaller, I think every muscle in my body somehow just forgot it's job.

"Savannah." He whispers.

I gulped.

I pulled myself up all of a sudden and escaped from his grip. He was still sitting on top of the closed toilet

"I'm done cleaning it. Uhh..." I scratch my hair. "I just need to recheck it again probably before we leave tomorrow."

and I was closer to him. He gently closes the door and locked it. He's still sitting on the toilet though and now

Oh god.

Oh god.

looking down at me while his height towering over me as I prop my head up to

He's wetting them.

That.

Was.

So.

Hot.

sure that

I'm hella sure that I want to do the same

hand slowly trailing from the back of my neck moving down against my spine and I feel some left marks with every touch he's leaving on my

me. And I'm pretty damn sure

eyes together and boom. My lips are pressing against

is

second then a calm sea the next. His fingers digging into my hip and my

but I love

if he's not only on his pants right now and

Christ he just

kiss came to an abrupt stop and drops my

He stopped.

Why did he stop?

No. No.

me again again. Kiss me again. We were

he kissed me. Nick pushes himself off the wall and turned his

do that again to you." He

Why?

Why Nick?

Why?

door but I don't want him to go. I don't want him to leave me here after kissing me so terribly great like that. Finally he leaves me still against this stupid wall. I stood there, thinking and quiet the entire

I sigh.

bathroom and saw Tracy

Nick's would

my

downstairs, I'm watching this chick flick in HBO. Watch it with

your brother?" I

him entering his room." she points out to the door right across the room I'll be staying

the couch and she started changing

brother have a girlfriend, Tracy?" I

As much as I can remember, he's been single

jaws dropped. "You're kidding me? Isn't he like twenty four? And he's in college for god sake. I'm sure

"He's single. Trust me. I know he's old to still be in college but there's always reasons behind every

I just nod.

•••••

bed that Tracy prepared for me as I still hear the rain hitting the rooftop. Gosh, I'm going to miss my first class tomorrow. But it's okay, at least I

to be attracted to

I can't even if I try to. My mind is still thinking about that deliciously perfect kiss I had with Nick. I crawled out of my bed and pulled my

step of the stairs, I see Nick sitting on the couch with the light from the tv was the only thing lighting up the entire living room. He looks at me as if he was expecting me to come down. I just walk past him and ignored the fact that he regretted kissing

like how I

door close. I light up the kitchen and headed to the fridge then noticed that it was already 1AM. I grabbed a box of fresh milk and poured myself a

you were

turned around as quick as I could and faced him standing right across where I was

not." I answered,

shut already. The entire house

some girly stuff before going

thumb. I wanted to ask him if he's really been single for eight years. I mean, that's

been single

couldn't hold it in

He answers right away without hesitation plastered on

stop kissing

just don't know how to finish my sentence

sex?" He

up with some girls cos of your good looks. You can easily make