Love Aint Always Pretty

Fanaa

- destruction of self; "destroyed in love"

Origin: Arabic and Urdu

17

I take the supplies that I need to clean his wound and lay them out on the counter. I prop up my leg leaning it on the toilet bowl just below his crotch and placed his hand on my leg.

I.

Put.

His.

Hand.

On.

My.

Leg.

Holy hell.

His arm draping across my leg and I wish my hands would calm down and not shake while I clean his wound. As I start putting alcohol over the cut with the cotton ball clipped with the tweezers, I push all of my hair to one side so it won't intervene while I'm cleaning his wound. I was amazed that he doesn't flinch at all from the stinging pain. He just sat there and doesn't make a sound. I was even silently wincing for him but he just watches me work quietly. We didn't talk as always.

I don't know if he was looking at his hand or thinking if I was doing it right even though I know what I'm doing, or he was looking at my face. I don't know because I'm too nervous to look at him. But I try to ignore Nick even though our faces were a little closer than a while ago. I even feel his breath on my cheek every single time he exhales.

I see his other hand resting on his knee but I ignored it again. All of a sudden I can sense that one of the tips of his fingers is now touching my knee but I still try to ignore it. I reached for something from the first aid and slowly placed an antibiotic cream on his wound. Our eyes lock for three seconds the least but then I quickly looked back down on his wound. He's too close in getting too conscious with what I'm doing.

Suddenly I dropped the cream on the floor. "Shit." I cursed.

I hurriedly picked it up and acted weird before Nick. I can't tell if he's tensed as I am. But I couldn't quite figure out if he's nervous because I was this close to him or because I was hurting him with what I was doing over his wound.

Suddenly, two of the tips now touches my knee.

Now three.

I inhale again and try to grab the gauze from the kit while exhaling. I didn't look at him after grabbing it, I quickly looked back down on his wound. As much as I want to focus on his hand, making the perfect wrap around his wound, I can't cos the tips of his fingers that are on my knee isn't an accidental graze at all.

He's actually touching me.

His fingers now trailing around my knee and his hand slowly runs down the back of my leg. Holy shit. All of a sudden his forehead pressing against my neck then he sighs while squeezing my leg. I can't move. I don't want to move at all.

Breathe Savannah.

Just breathe.

I quickly manage to finish with his gauze covering around his palm but he still didn't speak. He doesn't release me too so I didn't back away. I can feel his warm breathing on my neck.

Breathe Savannah.

Slowly I feel his hand gliding go to my thigh then on my hip and now up to my waist. Shit he's holding my waist.

Breathe Savannah.

Breathe Savannah.

His fingers gripping my waist as he slowly pulls his head back. His face now close to mine and now that the space in between us is growing smaller and smaller, I think every muscle in my body somehow just forgot it's job.

"Savannah." He whispers.

I gulped.

I pulled myself up all of a sudden and escaped from his grip. He was still sitting on top of the closed toilet

"I'm done cleaning it. Uhh..." I scratch my hair. "I just need to recheck it again probably before we leave tomorrow."

door and opened it. I stepped out and took a deep breath. As I was about to leave him, he grabs my wrist and pulled me back inside the restroom and I was closer to him. He gently closes the door and locked it. He's still sitting on

Oh god.

Oh god.

towering over me as I prop my head up to him. He pulled his wounded hand up to my cheek,

He's wetting them.

That.

Was.

So.

Hot.

right now, I'm damn sure that Nick really wants

hella sure that I want to

down against my spine and I feel some left marks with every touch he's leaving on my

die with every inch he comes closer and closer to me. And I'm pretty damn sure that nothing from the first-aid kit could save

and my head on the opposite side. Both of us closing our eyes together and boom. My lips are pressing against his. He

Lord he is really

for a second then a calm sea the next. His fingers digging

but I love the feeling on my lips.

only on his pants right now and if he didn't have that wound, we

Christ he

chest but then the kiss came to an abrupt stop

He stopped.

Why did he stop?

No. No.

Kiss me again. We were

shut closed. He's obviously regretting that we kissed. He's regretting that he kissed me. Nick pushes himself off the wall and turned his back to me. I didn't see his eyes after he

let me do that again to you."

Why?

Why Nick?

Why?

but I want him to kiss me again so badly he could choke on his saliva. He opens the door but I don't want him to go. I don't want him to leave me here after kissing me so terribly great like that. Finally he leaves

I sigh.

and saw Tracy walking up the stairs.

Nick's would deep?" She

my head.

Come downstairs, I'm watching this chick flick in HBO. Watch

brother?"

to

couch and she started changing the

your brother have a girlfriend, Tracy?"

much as I can remember, he's been

me? Isn't he like twenty four? And he's in college for god sake. I'm

old to still be in

I just nod.

•••••

me as I still hear the rain hitting the rooftop. Gosh, I'm going to miss my first class tomorrow. But it's okay, at

to

use. I can't even if I try to. My mind is still thinking about that deliciously perfect kiss I had with Nick.

thing lighting up the entire living room. He looks at me as if he was expecting me to come down. I just walk past him and ignored the fact that he regretted

he didn't like how I kissed him? Did

just continued marching my way to the kitchen and exhaled the moment I shut the kitchen door close. I light up the kitchen and headed to the fridge then noticed that it was already 1AM. I grabbed a box of fresh milk and poured myself a glass then lean against

thought you were

from the glass as soon as I heard Nick's voice. I turned around as quick as I could and faced him standing right across where I was just

not." I answered, looking

if he left the tv on, but its shut already. The

some girly stuff before going to sleep?" He

drink from my glass. I wiped my upper lip with the back of my thumb. I wanted to ask him if he's really been single for eight years. I mean, that's already

you been single

hold it

right away without hesitation plastered

did you stop kissing me

just don't

He

can always hook up with some girls cos of your good