Love Aint Always Pretty

Fanaa

- destruction of self; "destroyed in love"

Origin: Arabic and Urdu

17

I take the supplies that I need to clean his wound and lay them out on the counter. I prop up my leg leaning it on the toilet bowl just below his crotch and placed his hand on my leg.

I.

Put.

His.

Hand.

On.

My.

Leg.

Holy hell.

His arm draping across my leg and I wish my hands would calm down and not shake while I clean his wound. As I start putting alcohol over the cut with the cotton ball clipped with the tweezers, I push all of my hair to one side so it won't intervene while I'm cleaning his wound. I was amazed that he doesn't flinch at all from the stinging pain. He just sat there and doesn't make a sound. I was even silently wincing for him but he just watches me work quietly. We didn't talk as always.

I don't know if he was looking at his hand or thinking if I was doing it right even though I know what I'm doing, or he was looking at my face. I don't know because I'm too nervous to look at him. But I try to ignore Nick even though our faces were a little closer than a while ago. I even feel his breath on my cheek every single time he exhales.

I see his other hand resting on his knee but I ignored it again. All of a sudden I can sense that one of the tips of his fingers is now touching my knee but I still try to ignore it. I reached for something from the first aid and slowly placed an antibiotic cream on his wound. Our eyes lock for three seconds the least but then I quickly looked back down on his wound. He's too close in getting too conscious with what I'm doing.

Suddenly I dropped the cream on the floor. "Shit." I cursed.

I hurriedly picked it up and acted weird before Nick. I can't tell if he's tensed as I am. But I couldn't quite figure out if he's nervous because I was this close to him or because I was hurting him with what I was doing over his wound.

Suddenly, two of the tips now touches my knee.

Now three.

I inhale again and try to grab the gauze from the kit while exhaling. I didn't look at him after grabbing it, I quickly looked back down on his wound. As much as I want to focus on his hand, making the perfect wrap around his wound, I can't cos the tips of his fingers that are on my knee isn't an accidental graze at all.

He's actually touching me.

His fingers now trailing around my knee and his hand slowly runs down the back of my leg. Holy shit. All of a sudden his forehead pressing against my neck then he sighs while squeezing my leg. I can't move. I don't want to move at all.

Breathe Savannah.

Just breathe.

I quickly manage to finish with his gauze covering around his palm but he still didn't speak. He doesn't release me too so I didn't back away. I can feel his warm breathing on my neck.

Breathe Savannah.

Slowly I feel his hand gliding go to my thigh then on my hip and now up to my waist. Shit he's holding my waist.

Breathe Savannah.

Breathe Savannah.

His fingers gripping my waist as he slowly pulls his head back. His face now close to mine and now that the space in between us is growing smaller and smaller, I think every muscle in my body somehow just forgot it's job.

"Savannah." He whispers.

I gulped.

I pulled myself up all of a sudden and escaped from his grip. He was still sitting on top of the closed toilet

"I'm done cleaning it. Uhh..." I scratch my hair. "I just need to recheck it again probably before we leave tomorrow."

the door and opened it. I stepped out and took a deep breath. As I was about to leave him, he grabs my wrist and pulled me back inside the restroom and I was closer to him. He gently closes the door and locked it. He's still sitting on the toilet though and now I'm standing in between his legs. He looks up to me and oh sweet baby Jesus

Oh god.

Oh god.

His head now looking down at me while his height towering over me as I prop my head up to him.

He's wetting them.

That.

Was.

So.

Hot.

I'm damn sure that Nick

right now, I'm hella sure that I want to do

from the back of my neck moving down against my spine and I feel some left marks

every inch he comes closer and closer to me. And I'm

on the opposite side. Both of us closing our eyes together and boom. My lips are pressing against his. He tightens the grip on the back of neck. The feeling

he is

enters my mouth while he slowly pins me against the wall. His mouth is so possessive. His lips is like a destructive hurricane for a second then a calm sea the next. His fingers digging into my hip and my arms wrapping around his neck. His kisses gaining a little speed while he lifts my leg, wrapping it

toxic and unhealthy, but I love the

only on his pants right now and if he didn't have

Christ he

but then the kiss came to

He stopped.

Why did he stop?

No. No.

again. Kiss me again. We were getting warmer.

that we kissed. He's regretting that he kissed me. Nick pushes himself off the wall and turned his back to me. I didn't see his eyes

let me do that again

Why?

Why Nick?

Why?

his saliva. He opens the door but I don't want him to go. I don't want him

I sigh.

bathroom and saw Tracy walking

Nick's would deep?"

my

chick flick in HBO. Watch

brother?" I

points out to the door

reached the couch and she started changing the channel

a girlfriend, Tracy?"

no. As much as I can remember, he's been

twenty four? And he's in college for god sake. I'm sure he'll get tempted by

know he's old to still be in college but

I just nod.

•••••

hear the rain hitting the rooftop. Gosh, I'm going to miss my first

really want him to be attracted

deliciously perfect kiss I had with Nick. I crawled out of my bed and pulled my hair up into

soon as I stepped down the last step of the stairs, I see Nick sitting on the couch with the light from the tv was the only thing lighting up the entire living room. He looks at me as if he was expecting me to come down. I just walk past him and ignored the

how I kissed him? Did I

kitchen door close. I light up the kitchen and headed to the fridge then noticed that it was already 1AM. I grabbed a box of fresh milk and

thought you were

turned around as quick as I could and faced him standing right across where

I

the tv on, but its shut already. The entire house is

you and Tracy do some girly stuff before going to

the back of my thumb. I wanted to ask him if he's really been single for eight years. I mean, that's already far too long and every guy has needs. If

been single Nick?"

couldn't hold

away without hesitation

did you stop kissing me if

I just don't know how to finish

He continued

"You're single. You can always hook up with some girls cos of your good looks. You can easily make women