Love Aint Always Pretty

Fanaa

- destruction of self; "destroyed in love"

Origin: Arabic and Urdu

17

I take the supplies that I need to clean his wound and lay them out on the counter. I prop up my leg leaning it on the toilet bowl just below his crotch and placed his hand on my leg.

I.

Put.

His.

Hand.

On.

My.

Leg.

Holy hell.

His arm draping across my leg and I wish my hands would calm down and not shake while I clean his wound. As I start putting alcohol over the cut with the cotton ball clipped with the tweezers, I push all of my hair to one side so it won't intervene while I'm cleaning his wound. I was amazed that he doesn't flinch at all from the stinging pain. He just sat there and doesn't make a sound. I was even silently wincing for him but he just watches me work quietly. We didn't talk as always.

I don't know if he was looking at his hand or thinking if I was doing it right even though I know what I'm doing, or he was looking at my face. I don't know because I'm too nervous to look at him. But I try to ignore Nick even though our faces were a little closer than a while ago. I even feel his breath on my cheek every single time he exhales.

I see his other hand resting on his knee but I ignored it again. All of a sudden I can sense that one of the tips of his fingers is now touching my knee but I still try to ignore it. I reached for something from the first aid and slowly placed an antibiotic cream on his wound. Our eyes lock for three seconds the least but then I quickly looked back down on his wound. He's too close in getting too conscious with what I'm doing.

Suddenly I dropped the cream on the floor. "Shit." I cursed.

I hurriedly picked it up and acted weird before Nick. I can't tell if he's tensed as I am. But I couldn't quite figure out if he's nervous because I was this close to him or because I was hurting him with what I was doing over his wound.

Suddenly, two of the tips now touches my knee.

Now three.

I inhale again and try to grab the gauze from the kit while exhaling. I didn't look at him after grabbing it, I quickly looked back down on his wound. As much as I want to focus on his hand, making the perfect wrap around his wound, I can't cos the tips of his fingers that are on my knee isn't an accidental graze at all.

He's actually touching me.

His fingers now trailing around my knee and his hand slowly runs down the back of my leg. Holy shit. All of a sudden his forehead pressing against my neck then he sighs while squeezing my leg. I can't move. I don't want to move at all.

Breathe Savannah.

Just breathe.

I quickly manage to finish with his gauze covering around his palm but he still didn't speak. He doesn't release me too so I didn't back away. I can feel his warm breathing on my neck.

Breathe Savannah.

Slowly I feel his hand gliding go to my thigh then on my hip and now up to my waist. Shit he's holding my waist.

Breathe Savannah.

Breathe Savannah.

His fingers gripping my waist as he slowly pulls his head back. His face now close to mine and now that the space in between us is growing smaller and smaller, I think every muscle in my body somehow just forgot it's job.

"Savannah." He whispers.

I gulped.

I pulled myself up all of a sudden and escaped from his grip. He was still sitting on top of the closed toilet

"I'm done cleaning it. Uhh..." I scratch my hair. "I just need to recheck it again probably before we leave tomorrow."

me back inside the restroom and I was closer to him. He gently closes the door and locked it. He's still sitting on the toilet though and now I'm standing in between his legs. He looks up to me and oh sweet baby Jesus he's so

Oh god.

Oh god.

slowly but his eyes never leaves mine. His head now looking down at me while his height towering over me as I prop my head up to him. He pulled his wounded hand up to my cheek, holding my face and all of a sudden he licked his lips. He. Licked. His.

He's wetting them.

That.

Was.

So.

Hot.

sure that Nick really wants

hella sure that I want to do the

down against my spine and I feel some left marks

to me. And

head on the opposite side. Both of us closing our eyes together and boom. My lips are pressing against his.

he is

second then a calm sea the next. His fingers digging into my

unhealthy, but I love

pants right now and if he didn't have that wound,

Christ he just

down his chest but then the kiss came to an abrupt stop and drops my leg

He stopped.

Why did he stop?

No.

Kiss me again. We

that he kissed me. Nick pushes himself

that again

Why?

Why Nick?

Why?

kiss me again so badly he could choke on his saliva. He opens the door but I don't want him to go. I don't

I sigh.

headed out of the bathroom and saw Tracy walking up

would

just shake my head. "Nothing

god! Come downstairs, I'm watching this chick flick in HBO. Watch

brother?"

saw him entering his room." she points out to the door right

she started changing the

brother have a girlfriend, Tracy?" I asked out of the

As much as I can remember, he's been

And he's in college for god sake. I'm sure

old to still be

I just nod.

•••••

prepared for me as I still hear the rain hitting the rooftop. Gosh, I'm going to miss my first class tomorrow. But it's okay, at least I get to kiss

him to

Nick. I crawled out of my bed and pulled my hair up into a messy bun before heading out of my bedroom. I wanted to get something to drink of whatever

light from the tv was the only thing lighting up the entire living room. He looks at me as

he didn't like how I kissed him?

door close. I light up the kitchen and headed to the fridge then noticed that it was already 1AM. I grabbed a box of fresh milk

you

milk from the glass as soon as I heard Nick's voice. I turned around as quick as I could and faced him standing right

not." I answered, looking

if he left the tv on, but its shut already. The entire house is too quiet. It's too quiet that it's getting awkward.

you and Tracy do some girly stuff

thumb. I wanted to ask him if he's really been single for eight years. I mean, that's already far too long and every guy has needs. If he's really single then why did

have you been

hold it

He answers right away without

stop kissing me if you

At least...." I just don't know how to finish my sentence

He

up with some