Love Aint Always Pretty

La Douleur Exquise

- the heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable

Origin: French

34

It was unexpected to see Channing around here and it was very coincidental that I had to be with Nick. It's not that I don't want them to meet, but I just dont want Nick to feel a little bit down when he sees Channing. I know Nick hates or has a problem about rich people and Channing is rich and can be very boastful sometimes.

"Does that have cheese?" I asked Nick. Trying to make a conversation with him.

"Yeah. You want it?" Nick asked.

Channing softly laughs. "Savannah doesn't like cheese, man."

I gaze at Channing. He remembers.

I moved my head back to Nick who looked a little bit pissed. We just continued eating again while Channing and I just kept talking about how his days went well in Ohio State University then he would ask me about how mine went in WSU too while Nick was just eating quietly. We didn't mean to make him feel out of place but he's not even talking to us when I try to get him join the convo.

Dont get me wrong, but I really feel happy to see Channing around. There's nothing left inside me that I feel for Channing, it wasn't even actually love that I felt for him so it was easy-peasy to forget about what we had. I just regretted he was my first.

"So I'll see you tonight?" Channing asked while the three of us headed out of the diner.

I nod.

"Will six be okay?" He asked again.

"Definitely." I answered.

"Then I'll see you. I'll call you so I could pick you up." Channing confirms.

"Alright."

"Later Annie." He leans closer to me and kissed my forehead.

What the hell?

He waves at us then walked to his car. Channing said he needs to get some sleep for tonight that's why he can't offer me a ride. Nick has been quiet since a while ago when Channing came to our table and until now as we climb into his car, he's still not talking. He turns on the engine and started driving away from the diner.

We were quiet.

We were awkwardly quiet and I hate it.

I always hate this kind of silence between me and him.

It makes me feel like Im being sucked by a hurricane called Nick Wilde and I cant get out. It makes me feel like Im lost and Im going deaf. I cant hear my own scream. Im being thrown away, far far away from him and it makes me feel so distant from Nick. I hate being so distant from Nick. There are times when I understand him but most of the times he's very hard to figure out. There are times when he opens up, though not too much, but at least he does it. Then there are times when he's being too private and always so absent-minded.

"So." He finally speaks, not the so la ti do kind of so but a very stiff so.

I glanced at him.

"I didn't know you were still friends with your ex." He continued.

"Y-yeah... We remained friends after we broke up." I answered.

He laughs humorlessly. "How can you stay friends with an ex? That's even the most impossible thing ever."

As I was about to answer him, he cut me off. "Was he the...."

He gazed at me from the corner of his eyes and looks back to the road.

"The one who took you?" He asked.

I know he's talking about my virginity.

I nodded twice. "Yeah."

"And you're friends with him?" He asked.

"There's nothing wrong with that."

He glanced at me again and just didn't talk to me anymore. He's acting a bit off today, I mean since he met Channing. I'm not telling myself that he's jealous cos he knew that I was still friends with my ex and he saw how I was still close with Channing cos I'm sure Nick's not feeling jealous at all. I don't want to set my hopes up. I don't want to expect something that I know will only hurt me.

with you?" I

"Nothing." He answered.

went quiet for

to see your ex today and I didn't

He was the one who was there for me when I needed someone to be there or when my parents are out of town. We started as friends. We had the same circle and I was happy we still

to me." I

speak to me anymore. He dropped me off the dorm and I was sensing that he was jealous cos he's acting like one. I could tell from the way he

I dissed that thought on my head. No, Nick is not jealous. Nick can never be jealous. Why would

yourself laugh

•••••

Saturday night.

six in

and climbed into Channing's car. I know where we were going tonight and he knows exactly my favorite things and places. When we reached the upscale restaurant that I totally love, I quickly felt giddy cos of the foods. It's my personal favorite restaurant, Gotham

you remember the first time we dated here?" he

remember that? I accidentally spilled water

He laughs.

you were so cute when you kept apologizing."

were finally served and Channing ordered all of my

Ohio State students?" I

Annie. Kids are just so

someone

smiles. "Im sort of seeing someone but

laughed softly. "That was disgusting

He smirks.

love it when I call you baby girl." he teased

my eyes

up with you and that Nick dude?"

"I know that look Annie.

creasing. Disadvantage of being friends with an ex.

dont like him, Channing. He's like a friend to me."

really think you'd fool me

from my wine. "Channing... It's

Did you see the way he gave me an eye when you told him

I paused.

My lips is smiling.

Smiling.

And still smiling.

doesnt mean it's what Nick actually feels. Though they're both men, but

see it Annie, Im

totally different

He gaped.

that dude is bisexual?"

I snorted.

No." I

what do you mean totally different? You made me think that he's

just... hard to figure

me even longer, I know he's examining my expression. We've known each other since we were twelve and I know he

him." he

head down and I know it was easy to tell. Now I wonder if Nick can see it the way how easily Channing see it plastered on my face. I think the word I LOVE YOU NICK is

know?" He

I shake my head.

you planning on telling him?"

I exhale heavily. "No."

on telling

"Why?" Channing asked.

back at Channing and I really wanna tell him what's the real score between me and Nick so I could ask for his advice, not only as his ex girlfriend, but also as his friend. But

in the novels. I was a big romanticist but when Nick came, he changed my point of view about love and liking someone, that it doesn't really have to start

someone else?"

I shake my head.

up with him?" Channing

I pressed my

"Doesn't?"

breath in, "He doesn't

"What?" Channing snorted.