Love Aint Always Pretty

Atelophobia

- the fear of being not good enough

63

When we went back home on the twenty-sixth of the December morning, Nick didn't go with us anymore. He said Tracy had already got back to their old house earlier than he thought and he needed to be there cos he has the house key. I wanted to come along with him cos Im sure it's going to be alot more fun with them but then he won't let me cos he said I needed to spend my Christmas break with my family since I have been busy with school and I have been away. He said he'll see me after the Christmas break. I still have six more days left before I could see him again.

I sit on my chair, right outside our living room's balcony while I was finished reading this novel that Cameron gave me yesterday. It was a story that something I can relate to and I hated Cameron for giving me such book cos it had a wickedly heartbreaking ending. I had a cup of tea beside me as I fix my scarf and cardigan on me. I stare at the sky, tonight was already New Year's Eve and I was so sad that I can't spend it with Nick and he hasn't even tried contacting me which was the worst.

"Little sis?"

I looked around to find Cameron joining me outside the balcony. He sits down on the chair across me. "How's the book?"

"Forbidden love. I get it Ron. You're telling me that I can't be with Nick cos he's not one of us." I spit.

"I didn't mean it that way. I bought that months ago. It was pure coincidence."

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Hey, do you really love him?" He asked.

"If I tell you yes will you stop annoying me about it? And just accept the fact that I am madly in love with Nick?"

He sighs. "Look, I didn't even tell mom and dad about what I saw that morning and you owe me for that. Remeber how you told her about that party when I drove you to WSU for the first time? Yours is much worst than mine but I didn't tell her that you and that guy fucked on your bed."

I blushed. "Cameron! Lower your voice down will you?" I could still remember how Cameron looked at us when he saw me and Nick both naked on one bed.

"I didn't even hit him for that. You're my goddamn sister Savannah and you're too young for him but you're engaging on stuff like that. I know you're old enough, that's what I told mom too when he caught me fucking some girl in my bed."

I gaped. "Mom caught you?"

He nods.

"Oh my god this is good. I didn't know. How old were you?" I asked.

"I was sixteen."

I bursted into laughter. "How did mom react to that?"

"Savannah this isn't about me. Nice try distracting me. But this is about you. Okay? You're different." He clarified.

I looked away.

"You're a girl and you're my little sister for crying out loud. You're not a brother so you don't know what I felt when I saw you fully naked in one bed with a man that I hate the most in the world. But did you even hear a word coming from me? No. Right? Even if I hated what I saw that day I didn't say anything cos I know you love him and I know he makes you happy." He says seriously.

I smiled and just nod.

"I'm not saying that I'm not mad at him anymore cos I don't know how long have you both been doing it and I don't wanna know how long cos it's your thing but I am still mad at him. If he ever hurt you, I'll kick his ass and make him sorry. You're too young to be engaging on sex like that and he's too old." He added.

I got quiet cos I know Cameron clearly has a point but then I didn't think I could ever talk this kind of matter with my older brother and he's just showing how really truly concerned he is for me.

"And please tell me you always use rubbers." he blurted.

My brows creasing, "Rubbers?"

He leans forward, "Condoms?"

My brows shoot up. "Oh yes. All the time. Yes. Cameron come on I know stuff like that. He knows stuff like that."

He nods then rests his back again on his chair. He's assured.

"Ron I love Nick." I blurted out.

"I know. Nobody can stop you from feeling that way, not even mom and dad can do it, and Im sure as hell not even me, but I just want you to be careful. You don't know him that much."

"I do know him. He told me everything I need to know Ron."

"I just wish it was everything."

I sigh. "I trust Nick. I love him so much and I have never loved any guy like this before. I love him Ron. I loved every ugly part of his past. I love him."

of him. Now I see

I smiled.

remember how you'd walk around the entire house naked when you were

Ron. Please. Just stop it. Don't remind

of mucus comes off your nose

You pooped your underwear when you were ten and

"Oh I did not!"

laughed. "Did to. And how you'd pee on your

"God I was five!"

"Touché."

us

•••••

almost twelve but not a text from Nick since yesterday morning. I wonder where he is. There he goes again, he's not telling me where he is. He might be

them counted together down and

other happy new year and just had a glass of wine but juice

Nick?" She

at her while mom and dad were looking at me. "He's spending time

How old is she? Is she as old like me?"

She's a little bit older. She's twenty but

hope to meet

to our rooms. I stepped out of the restroom and just finished taking a shower. I hurriedly put some baggy shirt on

Nick calling...

are

your gate." He

my window to look for his car

know, you're always gone for days and you don't tell me where you go to. Well Nick if you forgot, I'm your girlfriend now and I hate being clingy but you leave me with no choice. I.

in the evening. I was just waiting for a perfect time. You were even wearing a golden yellow cardigan

"It was a

yellow. Cardigan and

I smiled.

your dad to know I'm here cos I'm sure he won't let you go out after

again cos he's being

came by the door, "Someone's by the door. Don't hang up." I

"Alright babe."

be dad cos I'll be dead if he found out about Nick

"Ron?" I asked surprisingly.

is

"How'd you know?"

before Annie. I once tried to sneak out my girlfriend too. Now go before I

threw myself to Cameron and hugged him.

his cheek.

caged by mom and dad too much and I want you to be

and nodded. I kissed his cheek quickly.

something appropriate to wear for the crisp weather of the New Year's Day. The first day of the new year and

way out." I tell Nick over

baby. Im just

still mad at

up not to tell dad or mom that I'm sneaking out and he said

as he

No text? Calls?" I arched

hand and held it. "You do know it's

think about caring for

the same anymore if I tell you about it. Sorry.

"Just drive." I spit.

far from home until we reached on an open grass field. He parked his car and his headlights was the only thing lighting the place. Both of us headed out of the car and there were snow everywhere on the ground. He pulled off his scarf and

"Warmer babe?" He asked.

just nodded, acting like I'm still

my hand

placed down the box on the

know it's past

as he did grabbed his phone and did something

to 11:59PM. We're going back one hour. We missed the countdown together and we missed watching

I smiled at him.

asked