Love Aint Always Pretty

Katotohanan

Translation: Truth

Origin: Filipino

57

SAVANNAH'S POV

"I wanna know about your past Nick." I muffled.

He looks at me with doubts in his eyes.

"Please let me in. Please don't push me away. Please don't tell me I'm not ready." I added.

I breathe in and out. "I wanna know all about you. I wanna know you much more than being judged as an ex-convict. Please." I begged him.

"Before I say anything." Nick speaks.

I look at Nick's very light blue eyes eagerly and I wanna look at how his eyes will be when he tells me everything that I have been wanting to know.

"I just wanna tell you that... I'm not asking you to believe me. I'm not forcing you to. It's your choice to believe me or not." He added.

"Just say it Nick. Tell me what I need to know about your past." I tell him.

He looks down on his fingers while we sat down on the edge of his bed, side by side. I could tell he's having a hard time gathering his thoughts. He pulls his head up to the ceiling and then stared straight at the standing mirror right across us. I look at our own reflection and so does he.

"It's hard for me to say this cos... You're the first person I ever wanted to talk to about it." He says.

His words are terrifying me.

"I had a son." He speaks.

My eyes widened when I heard that very short sentence. Those four little words triggered pain straight into me that no any other four words I've ever heard made me feel like this.

He looks up at me with tears in his eyes but he's fighting them back not to fall on his cheeks. I remain quiet and still cos I couldn't find any right words to say. I just couldn't say anything to him now.

"I killed him." He says.

Oh my god. No way.

"We'll get to that later on how it happened." He added with a halt voice.

No way. No way in hell. He couldn't kill his own flesh. Another short sentence that knocked the breath out of me. I thought the words I had a son would knock me off hard but this one did hit me straight to the face pretty much worst. These words that he's going to say to me further more are some of the hardest ones he would ever say. It hurts him so much to admit about his past but I don't want him to stop. I want him to tell me about this even though this will hurt me too.

"I grew up in that town, my father was a drinker and he left us for some other woman and since then I grew up with my mother. She raised me and Tracy all by herself that's why I loved her so much. My mother didn't want to remarry again cos she was scared that his new man might hurt us so she just went to some dates and nothing serious. I have always wanted a dog but my mom won't let us get one." He says.

I sort of smiled a little bit on the last sentence.

"When I met Catherine, my mom was so happy for me cos she said Catherine was the most beautiful girl she ever saw in town. She liked Catherine for me and she approved of our relationship. But sadly Catherine's parents were the total opposite to me. They didn't like me for her cos they were rich and I wasn't. Then things went out of hand when Catherine and I eloped. We lived in this house where Alec's grandparents used to own."

My eyes flared as I listened him. I watch him tell me all about his past, his childhood and Catherine. Now this topic leads to Catherine. Well, his past is obviously only about Catherine. It revolves around her alone.

"Her father loathes me, we went to his mother's party then there I met Hans. Catherine's boyfriend back in the city whom she never loved since her parents chose him for her. Something happened that night that made her father hated me even more. One day, I heard about my mom being rushed to the hospital cos of an accident. Hans and Catherine's father planned for it the witness said but they paid for everyone to make the case close. I didn't even get the chance to fight for my mom." He starts to cry.

reached for his hand and

about what happened and what her father did to my mom. She thought my love for her would change after what

pressed my lips

were going to get married. I was so mad about everything that happened to me cos of him and when I saw him again, my anger ignited." I see Nick's

to

I went back to that house and unexpectedly Catherine was also there. Things went out of control when Hans came and I had a

shake my head

night..." He

ready to hear

killed Catherine." He

gasp. I moved my head to him and

killed Catherine,

on his cheeks. He's letting his tears fall. He's not choking it back. He's really crying in front of me and I don't know what to do. His eyes were shut close while he pauses for a moment to recover from what

I love the most." He added

head up to me. "But I didn't mean it. I didn't

Oh my god.

to me that it was my baby. That it was our baby. That I need to make sure he was alive if she couldn't make it but I lost both of them that

to kill her and our baby, Savannah. God knows I really didn't want that to happen."

Our baby.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

I want to rip all those sadness out from his soul with my bare hands.

it was my intention to kill her. But I didn't. I love her so much that I can't kill her. I pointed my gun at Hans that night, he was the one who I wanted to kill but she took the bullet for him."

hand. I shot the trigger. I killed her."

pulled him closer to me, I want him to feel that I'm here to comfort him. I want him to know that I believe him and

after that night. I wanted to let them capture me and put me behind bars cos I deserved it. The woman

heard from him. All those things he passed through, all those horrible things that happened, I wanted to kiss them all away to make it all better but I'm sure this pain will forever live on in him, no matter what I'll do.

He asked. "The night you saw me totally drunk

I nod.

the night of their seventh death anniversary. I didn't even carried my son on my arms. I didn't even get the chance

me that I killed Catherine cos she cheated on me, it's not true. They believed in what Hans and her father wanted them to believe in. Catherine knows it's not true. Catherine knows I love her more than my life.

do. I believe in

looks at me as if he didn't expect

I watch our hands laced together. "My past is

smiled

to judge. You know how ugly my past was. You know how messed up my life was. You know how wrecked and fucked up I was back then and why I became like

change what I feel for you Nick." I cupped his cheek. "The way I loved you before you

him right now cos I know we aren't together but

don't care about it at all. I don't care how fucked up you are

he brushes his thumb on my skin. "Why do

he sounds like he doesn't deserve

all the time but why do you love

I really don't." I admitted. "But right now, I wish I could take away the pain you felt. I wish I could take that ugliness away from you so

me and we both hugged. "If I could just

and not allowing yourself." I tell

himself away from me and brushed his thumb gently on my cheek. "My past will only make your beautiful life ugly. I don't want to ruin you cos

like it that I'm seeing you cos I will still see you. He's not gonna stop

"Are you sure?"

I nod.