Love Aint Always Pretty

Katotohanan

Translation: Truth

Origin: Filipino

57

SAVANNAH'S POV

"I wanna know about your past Nick." I muffled.

He looks at me with doubts in his eyes.

"Please let me in. Please don't push me away. Please don't tell me I'm not ready." I added.

I breathe in and out. "I wanna know all about you. I wanna know you much more than being judged as an ex-convict. Please." I begged him.

"Before I say anything." Nick speaks.

I look at Nick's very light blue eyes eagerly and I wanna look at how his eyes will be when he tells me everything that I have been wanting to know.

"I just wanna tell you that... I'm not asking you to believe me. I'm not forcing you to. It's your choice to believe me or not." He added.

"Just say it Nick. Tell me what I need to know about your past." I tell him.

He looks down on his fingers while we sat down on the edge of his bed, side by side. I could tell he's having a hard time gathering his thoughts. He pulls his head up to the ceiling and then stared straight at the standing mirror right across us. I look at our own reflection and so does he.

"It's hard for me to say this cos... You're the first person I ever wanted to talk to about it." He says.

His words are terrifying me.

"I had a son." He speaks.

My eyes widened when I heard that very short sentence. Those four little words triggered pain straight into me that no any other four words I've ever heard made me feel like this.

He looks up at me with tears in his eyes but he's fighting them back not to fall on his cheeks. I remain quiet and still cos I couldn't find any right words to say. I just couldn't say anything to him now.

"I killed him." He says.

Oh my god. No way.

"We'll get to that later on how it happened." He added with a halt voice.

No way. No way in hell. He couldn't kill his own flesh. Another short sentence that knocked the breath out of me. I thought the words I had a son would knock me off hard but this one did hit me straight to the face pretty much worst. These words that he's going to say to me further more are some of the hardest ones he would ever say. It hurts him so much to admit about his past but I don't want him to stop. I want him to tell me about this even though this will hurt me too.

"I grew up in that town, my father was a drinker and he left us for some other woman and since then I grew up with my mother. She raised me and Tracy all by herself that's why I loved her so much. My mother didn't want to remarry again cos she was scared that his new man might hurt us so she just went to some dates and nothing serious. I have always wanted a dog but my mom won't let us get one." He says.

I sort of smiled a little bit on the last sentence.

"When I met Catherine, my mom was so happy for me cos she said Catherine was the most beautiful girl she ever saw in town. She liked Catherine for me and she approved of our relationship. But sadly Catherine's parents were the total opposite to me. They didn't like me for her cos they were rich and I wasn't. Then things went out of hand when Catherine and I eloped. We lived in this house where Alec's grandparents used to own."

My eyes flared as I listened him. I watch him tell me all about his past, his childhood and Catherine. Now this topic leads to Catherine. Well, his past is obviously only about Catherine. It revolves around her alone.

"Her father loathes me, we went to his mother's party then there I met Hans. Catherine's boyfriend back in the city whom she never loved since her parents chose him for her. Something happened that night that made her father hated me even more. One day, I heard about my mom being rushed to the hospital cos of an accident. Hans and Catherine's father planned for it the witness said but they paid for everyone to make the case close. I didn't even get the chance to fight for my mom." He starts to cry.

his hand and held it

thought my love for her

my

married. I was so mad about everything that happened to me cos of him and when I saw him again, my

tried to

came and I had a gun that night. There were yelling and blaming and fighting. I was so angry and I was

shake my head in

night..." He

not ready to

Catherine." He

to him and his eyes are

killed Catherine,

cheeks. He's letting his tears fall. He's not choking it back. He's really crying in front of me and I don't know what to do. His eyes were shut close while he

the woman I love the most." He added while his voice is

"But I didn't mean it. I didn't

Oh my god.

her blood were on me, she confessed to me that it was my baby. That it was our baby.

and our baby, Savannah. God knows I really didn't want that to happen." He

Our baby.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god Nick. I want to wrap my arms around him to comfort him. I want to rip all those sadness out from his soul with my bare hands. I don't know what words to say to him to comfort him because I think words aren't enough to mend his broken

much that I can't kill her. I pointed my gun at Hans that night, he was the one who I wanted to kill but she took the bullet for him." He says while trying to hold back

my hand. I shot the trigger. I killed

to comfort him. I want him to know that I believe him and not those people who told me who he was in his last.

the police after that night. I wanted to let them capture me and put me behind bars cos I deserved it. The woman I loved was killed with these hands Savannah." He says

myself from what I heard from him. All those things he passed through, all those horrible things that happened, I wanted to kiss them all away to make it all better but I'm sure this

night you saw me totally drunk right outside

I nod.

seventh death anniversary. I didn't even carried my son on my arms. I didn't even get the chance to see him. I didn't even get the chance to name

killed Catherine cos she cheated on me, it's not true. They believed in what Hans and her father wanted them to believe in. Catherine knows it's not true.

do. I believe in

looks at me as if he didn't expect

held it. I watch our

slightly smiled

left for you to judge. You know how ugly my past was. You know how messed up my life was. You know how wrecked and fucked up I was back

will never change what I feel for you Nick." I cupped his cheek. "The way I loved you before you told me

one-sided love. I don't care how I looked so desperate in front of him right now cos I know we aren't together but

Nick. I don't care about it at all. I don't care how fucked up you are cos all of us

holds my cheek as he brushes his thumb on my skin. "Why do

as if he sounds like he

you all

wish I could take away the pain you felt. I wish I could take that ugliness away

his arms around me and we both hugged. "If I could just love again." He whispers to

stopping and not allowing yourself." I tell

gently on my cheek. "My past will only make your beautiful

my brother doesn't like it that I'm seeing you cos I will still

"Are you sure?"

I nod.