Love Aint Always Pretty

Katotohanan

Translation: Truth

Origin: Filipino

57

SAVANNAH'S POV

"I wanna know about your past Nick." I muffled.

He looks at me with doubts in his eyes.

"Please let me in. Please don't push me away. Please don't tell me I'm not ready." I added.

I breathe in and out. "I wanna know all about you. I wanna know you much more than being judged as an ex-convict. Please." I begged him.

"Before I say anything." Nick speaks.

I look at Nick's very light blue eyes eagerly and I wanna look at how his eyes will be when he tells me everything that I have been wanting to know.

"I just wanna tell you that... I'm not asking you to believe me. I'm not forcing you to. It's your choice to believe me or not." He added.

"Just say it Nick. Tell me what I need to know about your past." I tell him.

He looks down on his fingers while we sat down on the edge of his bed, side by side. I could tell he's having a hard time gathering his thoughts. He pulls his head up to the ceiling and then stared straight at the standing mirror right across us. I look at our own reflection and so does he.

"It's hard for me to say this cos... You're the first person I ever wanted to talk to about it." He says.

His words are terrifying me.

"I had a son." He speaks.

My eyes widened when I heard that very short sentence. Those four little words triggered pain straight into me that no any other four words I've ever heard made me feel like this.

He looks up at me with tears in his eyes but he's fighting them back not to fall on his cheeks. I remain quiet and still cos I couldn't find any right words to say. I just couldn't say anything to him now.

"I killed him." He says.

Oh my god. No way.

"We'll get to that later on how it happened." He added with a halt voice.

No way. No way in hell. He couldn't kill his own flesh. Another short sentence that knocked the breath out of me. I thought the words I had a son would knock me off hard but this one did hit me straight to the face pretty much worst. These words that he's going to say to me further more are some of the hardest ones he would ever say. It hurts him so much to admit about his past but I don't want him to stop. I want him to tell me about this even though this will hurt me too.

"I grew up in that town, my father was a drinker and he left us for some other woman and since then I grew up with my mother. She raised me and Tracy all by herself that's why I loved her so much. My mother didn't want to remarry again cos she was scared that his new man might hurt us so she just went to some dates and nothing serious. I have always wanted a dog but my mom won't let us get one." He says.

I sort of smiled a little bit on the last sentence.

"When I met Catherine, my mom was so happy for me cos she said Catherine was the most beautiful girl she ever saw in town. She liked Catherine for me and she approved of our relationship. But sadly Catherine's parents were the total opposite to me. They didn't like me for her cos they were rich and I wasn't. Then things went out of hand when Catherine and I eloped. We lived in this house where Alec's grandparents used to own."

My eyes flared as I listened him. I watch him tell me all about his past, his childhood and Catherine. Now this topic leads to Catherine. Well, his past is obviously only about Catherine. It revolves around her alone.

"Her father loathes me, we went to his mother's party then there I met Hans. Catherine's boyfriend back in the city whom she never loved since her parents chose him for her. Something happened that night that made her father hated me even more. One day, I heard about my mom being rushed to the hospital cos of an accident. Hans and Catherine's father planned for it the witness said but they paid for everyone to make the case close. I didn't even get the chance to fight for my mom." He starts to cry.

hand and

thought my love for her would change after what happened. I lost my mom that

pressed my lips

going to get married. I was so mad about everything that happened to me cos

tried to keep my

that house and unexpectedly Catherine was also there. Things went out of control when Hans came and I had a gun that night. There were yelling and blaming and fighting. I was so angry and

my

night..."

ready

Catherine." He

head to him and his eyes are

Catherine, Savannah."

down on his cheeks. He's letting his tears fall. He's not choking it back. He's really crying in front of me and I don't know what

the most." He

head up to me. "But I didn't

Oh my god.

confessed to me that it was my baby. That it was our baby. That I need to make sure he was alive if she couldn't make it but I lost both of them that night." He's having a hard time saying

to kill her and our baby, Savannah. God

Our baby.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

wrap my arms around him to comfort him. I want to rip all those sadness out from his soul with my bare hands. I don't know what words to say to him to

all so sudden and Hans pointed fingers at me saying it was my intention to kill her. But I didn't. I love her so much that I can't kill her. I pointed my gun at Hans that night, he was the one who I wanted to kill but

died with the gun in my hand. I shot the trigger.

him as he rest his cheek above my breast. I pulled him closer to me, I want him to feel that I'm here to comfort him. I want him to know that I believe him and not those people who told me who he was in his

capture me and put me behind bars cos I deserved it. The woman I loved was killed with these

those horrible things that happened, I wanted to kiss them all away to make it all better but I'm sure this pain will forever live on in

I met you?" He asked. "The night you saw me totally drunk right

I nod.

my son on my arms. I didn't even get the chance to see him. I didn't even get the chance to

me, it's not true. They believed in what Hans and her father wanted them to believe in. Catherine knows it's not true. Catherine knows I love her more than my

I believe in you."

as if he didn't expect

my hand and held it. I watch our hands laced together. "My past

smiled

ugly my past was. You know how messed up my life was. You

I cupped his cheek. "The way I loved you before you told me all about this, only made

a one-sided love. I don't care how I looked so desperate in front of him right now cos I know we aren't together but I just wanted him to know that even though I know the

ugly your past was Nick. I don't care about it at all. I don't care how fucked

as he brushes his thumb on my skin. "Why

sounds like he doesn't deserve

hurt you all the time but why

I wish I could take away the pain you felt. I wish I could take that ugliness away from you so you could at least

his arms around me and we both hugged. "If I could just love again."

just stopping and not allowing yourself." I

I'm not worthy of you." He pulled himself away from me and brushed his thumb gently on my cheek. "My past will only make your beautiful life ugly. I don't want to ruin you cos of my horrible past Savannah. It's

I will still see you. He's not gonna stop me. We're

"Are you sure?"

I nod.