Love Aint Always Pretty

Scarlet Letter

- A visible symbol of something you have done wrong and regretted, or a stigma of a past mistake you made that follows you

90

Dear Savannah,

Hello my beautiful! I was honestly excited on writing you my second letter and for some reason I think you loved my first one. Don't deny it, I know you did ;) It's been a month and I miss talking to you. Well, you didn't respond to my first letter so basically I'm the one doing the talking.

I smile.

How's Melissa? Have you received her first month present? I'm proud of those since I was the one who picked most of it. All of it, actually. I hope everything will fit her. To be honest I really had a hard time picking those since I don't know what's her size. I chose the cutest outfits I saw and I've googled some baby clothes for girls so I had a few ideas. I'm sorry for acting like a father to her, I just felt comfortable when I held her on my arms that day.

I stared at the baby clothes that he sent me and my hearts feels uplifted but my tears fills my eyes once again because I've been hiding everything from him. Oh Nick.

By the way I forgot to tell you, Dakota gave birth a month ago too. Forgot to mention it on my first letter, I didn't really consider it as an important matter to tell you but then I figured I might have to tell you eventually. Both of you delivered your babies five hours apart from each other but on the same day. Dakota had a girl too. Her name is Daniella Wilde, but we call her Dani. I wish you would get to meet her someday.

Our babies have similar birth dates? Now how coincidental was that. But, knowing the fact that Dani isn't Nick's baby and is carrying his surname makes me feel like I'm a worst mother. Our own child, his own blood and flesh, isn't carrying his surname. God, I really feel terrible every time I think about how much I've hid the truth from Nick and now I'm the one suffering.

I read a few more letters inside this locked bedroom while everything was still scattered around me. My eyes were already hurting but I couldn't put the letters away. It's like I'm reading a novel but a better love story. I didn't even notice that it was already four in the morning and forgot that Damon didn't seem to try come inside the room which was better. I don't care where he is actually, I just want him to stay away from me. I even forgot to take care of Melissa after her birthday party. I think she is already asleep and I think Damon had left the house again.

Dear Savannah,

Bonjour! Comment êtes-vou ma belle? I just said, hello! How are you my beautiful? I'm not sure that's how you spell it though. Sorry.

I smirked.

I got it from this French book before me. I'm trying really hard to speak French right now, it's kind of hard learning it though, but I need to cos I'm here in Paris today for work. Don't worry, I won't be eyeing French women. The only thing that is beautiful to me right now is the Eiffel Tower that is seen across this hotel room that I'm staying. It could be you that's beautiful but you're not here with me but that doesn't mean you're not pretty. (See the attach photo of my hotel view)

I grabbed the photos from the envelope and saw the Eiffel Tower view at night right outside Nick's room. I scanned through the other photo and the second one was a picture of him being his handsome self. Nick Wilde taking a selfie for me. I smiled. I stared at it for a long while and definitely missed him too much that I'm beginning to cry again. I pulled out the last photo, and it was a picture of Nick with a baby girl. I'm guessing it's Dani. I turned it around and confirmed that it was really her. That's Dakota's baby.

It's wonderful here in Paris and I really hope I came here with you because it would be pretty amazing having you here right now. Imagine the set-up, like the ones in the movies, I'd be working on some paperworks on my table while you'll be distracting me the entire time to come to bed with you and I'll act like I'm not tempted but deep down inside I want to.

I smile as my tears fall. I would love that Nick. I certainly would. I thought.

It's already midnight from where I am and I'm still wide awake because I can't sleep thinking about you so I'm writing you a love letter. I saw a blue dress a while ago by the way and I bought it because it would look sexy on you. I hope you have it with you in time, maybe a month or two.

I smile. "I wish I could've gone to Paris with you instead."

Dear Savannah,

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

How are you? I'm getting good at writing sloppy longhand love letters huh? Anyways, I've been missing you and Melissa a lot. I wonder how she looks like now, hope you could send me a photo of her. By the way, is Damon still hurting you? I hope he's not because if he is still physically hurting you, I will kick his ass once I'll find out about it. I'll put him to jail myself but I'll beat him up first before I throw him behind the bars.

You know everyday I'd wish I would receive one letter from you. Every morning I would hope there's a letter coming from you, but then there's nothing and it's already been so long since I wrote you the first one. I'm worried about you all the time. I always think about how you are. I try to reach your phone but you don't pick me up. I tried to reach you through Facebook but you don't seenzone me. I always wonder where you are. But it's okay, I understand our situation. I just wish all those letters that I sent you, you've received and read it on time.

P.S My contract with Dakota is ending soon, I'm excited for it :)

This letter was written two years ago and it breaks my heart that I didn't get to read them earlier.

Dear Savannah,

How have you been doing lately? I've been missing you a lot. I always miss you though. I miss hearing your voice. I miss talking to you. I miss you so much. And sorry about my penmanship, Dani is annoying me to play with her right now. She asked me about you the other day. She said she really wants to meet you, I hope you two would meet and would get along.

I went to England days ago, but I heard you went to Ireland to spend your December and January there. Don't ask how I knew about it. Anyways I was very disappointed that we didn't get to meet or even see a glimpse of each other. It's been a few years that passed and you still cloud up my mind, do you still think about me? Do you even miss me Savannah?

Yes Nick. All the time.

How was your Christmas? Dakota, Dani and I went to New Zealand after Christmas eve and spent the holidays there. I hope your Christmas with Lissa was amazing. I wish I spent it with you and her. (Sorry for acting so paternal over Melissa. I know I don't have the right to be.) Is Damon being a good father to her? I hope he does even if she's not his. You still got me curious about who's the father to Melissa.

Is it me Savannah?

took a deep

just a big time coward and I feel so guilty of what I've done. I'm

I read a whole lot more from the letters Nick has sent me until I reached the most recent ones. Funny how each letter would make me cry then laugh then smile then tear up again. It's like when I read them, Nick is just talking to me. It felt like Nick is just here with me and I could

recent one that Nick sent to me last

Dear Savannah,

as I found out about this and I know I should tell you even though Tracy won't let me. I have a very bad news. It's really heartbreaking to everyone from our friends and especially to me. Tracy has been admitted to the hospital last two weeks.

diagnosed with

my heart starting to gain weight. It got heavy the moment I read what I didn't want to read. I was so frightened on reading

I always invite her out but then we found out that we were already too late about her cancer. She didn't even dared to tell me that she wasn't feeling good weeks ago. She kept it all to herself.

I'm scared Savannah.

the paper. I take a deep breath in and try to sink everything I've read about Tracy. She's very ill. She's so ill that I can't imagine what she looks like right now. I'm scared too. I'm scared of losing her.

I'm scared for Nick.

anymore. Tracy is very dear to me and I know I shouldn't be thinking that she will leave me. I know I should think that she will live, but how? When she's already on critical condition? I know I should be strong for her because she needs

connected to a few machines that were surrounding her, just pains my heart in ways I can't best describe. I pity her so much that I wish it was me who was suffering.

lost me

this afraid in my entire life like this. Each morning I would be frightened that something might have happened to Tracy. I would always worry. I wouldn't get enough sleep and I'm always cranky at the office. But I'm thankful,

I miss you Savannah.

you too Nick. So much it's hurting me." I

terribly and truly miss you very very much every single day that I mistakenly see you from

Come back home. Please.

to weep silently. I remained silent

you so bad that if ever I'll be seeing you again I'll kiss you

now

I turned on the lights and stood in front of the mirror. I look at my own reflection and glance at my bruises from my shoulder down to my arm then my stomach and a few bruises that have faded on my cheek. There are some on my thighs too and whenever I think of all the things Damon did to me and how I let him do that to me, makes me lose my mind. I want to kill him so bad that even when I

do it Savannah. Think about Melissa. Think about her future. She needs

I began to let the maids fix our bedroom. I kept the letters to myself and put

a bastard of a husband. I would leave this behind even if it means I'll go poor. I don't want to live my life rich but in the arms

"Mommy?"

quickly spun myself around and saw Lissa entering the

out my cup of coffee down on

walks closer to me, "Good morning." I bent

He left my party last night and you were gone last night too. Did you and daddy fight again?" She asked me

I sigh inwardly.

hair behind her ears. "We did have a

me again? I always hear you and daddy fight and it's always about me." She

the reason why we fight. It's because of

in. "Baby, I'm going to tell you something okay?"

She nods.

be

She nods again.

it about mommy?"

Here goes.

your real father." I say as slow as I

we just looked at each other. I just hope she won't be mad at me

smiles. "I already know that mom." She

My brows creasing. "How?"

that I know about

couldn't believe

being a good girl to him even if he's not my daddy because

to shed but I was wrong. I held my daughter close to me and felt her holding me back. We hugged for a little while as I

asked me and her

"Nothing baby." I weeped.

and started humming me a