Masters & Lovers Box Set Three

Chapter 21

Michael

It’s dark, a frigid winter’s evening. James hasn’t come home from work yet and I can’t find Charlotte.

Where is she?

Having a bath maybe?

But the bathroom stands cold and empty.

Reading somewhere?

I try her study, the lounge and the dining room, still with no sign of her.

And then as I stop to flick the curtains closed in the lounge, there she is. Outside on the terrace, without so much as a jacket or a cushion, she hugs her knees as she sits on bare stone paving, staring into the dark.

She must be bloody freezing…

What’s this about?

Don’t rush it…

I make a couple of hot drinks, then venture outside.

She turns as I approach. I offer her a mug. “Hi. Mind if I join you?”

“Course not.” She sniffs. “That’s lovely. Thank you.”

“Hot nutmeg milk and dash of brandy. I thought if you were determined to freeze your butt, you’d better have something inside to help thaw it out.”

She nods then turns to stare into the dark again.

After a minute or so, I say, “Come on, spit it out. Whatever it is.”

“I was thinking about my mother.”

“What about her?”

“I might never find her.”

“Perhaps not, but we'll keep looking.”

She blows on the milk, takes a slow mouthful. “What I'm meaning is, it's about continuity, isn't it. As long as I'm here, there's a bit of her too. And my father. It's not all gone. And if...”

"If what?"

She chokes up. “He’s so unhappy. He’s usually so full of life; so full of… of take-it-in-big-bites… He’s… It’s just not him.”

“He? Who? James? I thought we were talking about you?”

“Yes… No… Yes…”

“Charlotte, you’re not making a lot of sense.”

Looking away, she drinks more of the milk, but moonlight reflects from the tears trailing down her cheeks.

I lay an arm over shoulders, kiss her face. She’s chilled, tasting salty. “You want to find your mother. He wants his daughter back.” I rub at my forehead. “I hate seeing him like this too. I wish there was something I could do to help him, but he’ll get over it.”

turns to look at me. “You

him, but it is a kind of closure.” But doubt crawls through

“I'm not so sure.”

of my milk around in the mug, “You might be right. It was a low blow on her part. But I'm not sure what we can do about it, other

one thing I can do.” There’s a tremor in her voice. I wait, but she’s stalled and as I look down, a lock of hair

never make

looking and deliberately, she disentangles the knot of hair then

me, Charlotte. What is this really

to you about it before I did anything.” She’s gulping, stuttering her words. “I don't want you

?

Tread carefully…

would I

“He wants his daughter.”

You can’t give her back

could have another

you telling me you want to

“Yes,” she whispers.

Ahhh…

to do…?” I speak slowly, carefully. “…

all my life to do the things I want. You too, nearly as much. But he... he doesn't have so much time and... And I want him to have the chance to see her grow up…” She

quietly, her head low. Her fingers knot together, then

one of them in mine, I kiss cold fingers then hold them between my warm palms. She gulps and a sob breaks

haven’t noticed you trowelling on the

was you or him. And that would have been fine. I know it would. But this way, you’d be cut out and…. and….” The words and

do I feel about

the right thing to

that will

… and last…

… and work…

but don't go away. I'm coming back. I just need to think.” I turn, heading for the kitchen, but mid-movement, I turn again,

from scratch, grinding beans to give my hands something to do. As they growl and judder into powder,

always loved

Is that true?

No…

always loved him

but she

…

he’d asked her,

her

kept

…

funded the

… Helluva wedding present…

…

I ever repay all

?

This would do it…

…

sure of

?

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