Rejected Mate and Following Fate

I pace my room for the hundredth time, sighing, frustrated and mentally working through the war going off inside of me and end up ‘arghhhing’ out loud in frustration. So over this crap already, and tired of feeling this strung out. I feel like the events of the last few days have changed me in subtle ways and wish I could go back to the before.

Things have not been going well since that day in the pack house, that changed literally everything in my life, and I’m a prisoner in the orphanage until further notice. Under lock and key metaphorically, through pain of death should I disobey.

Colton's father erupted when he realized that being left alone for mere minutes was enough to send his son spiraling into hormonal lust for his new mate, throwing all sense aside and almost marking me. So now we're forbidden from being near one another indefinitely. His father thinks he can control fate by just refusing to let things run their course. Despite everything the Shaman warned and tried to preach.

Juan is adamant I'll be the downfall of the Packdom should Colton honor our bond and I god damn hate him for interfering and thinking he can control me in this way. I’m not one of his pack, he has no claim to me or my bloodline, and since I turned, I’m free to leave this stupid mountain, but he won't let me!

Nothing like this has ever happened before in the history of imprinting, and the Shaman warned of terrible foreboding should we anger the fates and deny something as strong as an imprintation. Juan didn't care. He only cares about what Juan wants, what the Santo’s need and I’m an annoying little fly in his soup. Not worthy of his son's attentions or his seed.

My running away plan is pointless, because my soul is now linked to Colton in every way, meaning I'm not allowed to leave Radstone at all. To go off on my own, for fear I endanger the life of their future alpha in my unworthy incapable way in case some terrible mishap befalls me. If I die out there in the big bad world, then so does he.

I mean the Fates did make your mate become inseparable from you for a reason, beyond lust and procreation... the desire to never be parted is as much about survival. The Alpha is meant to protect his femme at all costs, and she is meant to shadow her dominant for life. Always by his side, to watch his back and become an invincible unit. They become one. If one falls, they both fall.

So basically after being screamed at by Carmen until my ears bled, literally, and they still hurt, bullied into a corner by Juan, who threatened to tear me apart and Colton almost took his head off, and then dragged home to house arrest by some of the overly handsy aggressive Santo pack, I’m literally confined to a life inside these walls, with no contact from the person fate decided would be the other half to my soul for an eternity.

Everything sucks. Just god damn, all the way to hell and back, sucks!

sucky eighteenth birthday,

going swell

I doubt that will ever change. Bonding is for life and distance won't do very much about it. You cannot sever a bond. You can choose to deny it, ignore it if you can, but Colton has to be the one to reject me, or I will be and currently still am, his mate. He said the words, he verbalized the choice and started to mark me. Juan cannot make that choice for him. He has to say the words to me. I have to hear it

as his father has any say. Even

creating dark unhealable holes in my heart and my entire being feels empty and lost without the other half of me to complete it. His kiss has ruined me in so many ways and I replay those moments until I scream in agony and try to push

insanity and I am powerless to cure myself, no matter how strong I think I

link to him, for just one second, to appease my eternal cravings, but as I have heard nothing from him, I’m assuming he too agrees with his father, that for the future of the pack we should have no contact, considering he closed down the head link and I can't get to him at all. Dreaming about him, smelling his scent on the wind when it blows from the south is driving me crazy and I have no idea how to

of the grime and blood caking every inch of me. Catching sight in the mirror of the bathroom, it held me still with disbelief as I took myself

a way, I still recognize myself as me, yet I’m angular, fuller lipped, clearer skinned. My features somehow better without changing too much so I can't put my finger on the why. My hair's thicker, fuller, lighter, so that instead of mousy brown, it’s a highlighted caramel with hints of honey, and gorgeous waves. My eyes greener, dazzling almost and my body is toned in places I don't think I could ever improve on. It enhanced, tweaked, and brought me up to

desire to leave. I may have imprinted on a mate, but I bear no mark to solidify a

respect after turning, but not all. Hormones,

mate to join with me, until I feel like I may turn inside out with the internal painful pangs for his body. The annoying part is, that no one else will do and I have zero interest in any kind of instant relief with any other male, or

protection, and any kind of consequences for a male who brutally takes what he wants. We live in a cruel

away from his son. They know not to kill or maim me, but messing me up a little, doing unspeakable things... his son would recover the pain quickly and not carry the emotional scarring that I

and left again. She too is keeping her distance since the turning. It seems my public shaming with Colton put me in some kind of social outcast list, among

one wants to know me or be seen associating with the girl who had the audacity to bond to someone way above her station. Especially not Prince Santo himself. Like I somehow orchestrated all this, and it wasn't fate at all. Committed some kind of heinous sin that marks me as the lowest of the low, even in turns

to the circling predators in this house. Most hate the Santo's and any of the alphas for that matter because they know they will never be them, or match up to them, and jealousy and ego

at my food and it all tastes like cardboard when I put it in my mouth. Nothing shifts this feeling, this deep emptiness creating a cavern inside of me and it's bottomless and cold. The longer this goes on the worse it

aside and try to bring forward an image of my parents instead, something I do when I need to self-calm or bring a happy memory into the depression of my daily life. I try to formulate my mother's face, to bring me some comfort,

is taking them from me, and I have nothing left of them in any form after the elders destroyed all links

to see

jump at the intrusion, having a minor heart attack as my beat

know his voice well enough; I hear it in my dreams any time I sleep, and my body tingles in response at the contact, goosebumping all over instantly. Insides tingling with anticipation of seeing my mate again. I miss him beyond