Rejected Mate and Following Fate

I pace my room for the hundredth time, sighing, frustrated and mentally working through the war going off inside of me and end up ‘arghhhing’ out loud in frustration. So over this crap already, and tired of feeling this strung out. I feel like the events of the last few days have changed me in subtle ways and wish I could go back to the before.

Things have not been going well since that day in the pack house, that changed literally everything in my life, and I’m a prisoner in the orphanage until further notice. Under lock and key metaphorically, through pain of death should I disobey.

Colton's father erupted when he realized that being left alone for mere minutes was enough to send his son spiraling into hormonal lust for his new mate, throwing all sense aside and almost marking me. So now we're forbidden from being near one another indefinitely. His father thinks he can control fate by just refusing to let things run their course. Despite everything the Shaman warned and tried to preach.

Juan is adamant I'll be the downfall of the Packdom should Colton honor our bond and I god damn hate him for interfering and thinking he can control me in this way. I’m not one of his pack, he has no claim to me or my bloodline, and since I turned, I’m free to leave this stupid mountain, but he won't let me!

Nothing like this has ever happened before in the history of imprinting, and the Shaman warned of terrible foreboding should we anger the fates and deny something as strong as an imprintation. Juan didn't care. He only cares about what Juan wants, what the Santo’s need and I’m an annoying little fly in his soup. Not worthy of his son's attentions or his seed.

My running away plan is pointless, because my soul is now linked to Colton in every way, meaning I'm not allowed to leave Radstone at all. To go off on my own, for fear I endanger the life of their future alpha in my unworthy incapable way in case some terrible mishap befalls me. If I die out there in the big bad world, then so does he.

I mean the Fates did make your mate become inseparable from you for a reason, beyond lust and procreation... the desire to never be parted is as much about survival. The Alpha is meant to protect his femme at all costs, and she is meant to shadow her dominant for life. Always by his side, to watch his back and become an invincible unit. They become one. If one falls, they both fall.

So basically after being screamed at by Carmen until my ears bled, literally, and they still hurt, bullied into a corner by Juan, who threatened to tear me apart and Colton almost took his head off, and then dragged home to house arrest by some of the overly handsy aggressive Santo pack, I’m literally confined to a life inside these walls, with no contact from the person fate decided would be the other half to my soul for an eternity.

Everything sucks. Just god damn, all the way to hell and back, sucks!

sucky eighteenth birthday,

going swell so

life and distance won't do very much about it. You cannot sever a bond. You can choose to deny it, ignore it if you can, but Colton has to be the one to reject me, or I will be and currently still am, his mate. He said the words, he verbalized the choice and started to mark me. Juan cannot make that choice for him. He has to say the words to me. I have to hear it from him before it breaks the union we started. Not that it does much in terms of our link, but

as his father has any say. Even if he made it clear he

ways and I replay those moments until I scream in agony and try to push the taste and

I am powerless to cure myself, no matter

pack we should have no contact, considering he closed down the head link and I can't get to him at all. Dreaming about him, smelling his scent on the wind when it blows from the south is driving me crazy and I have no idea how to fix myself while I don’t even know what we are. Held captive, still

myself free of the grime and blood caking every inch of me. Catching sight in the mirror of the bathroom, it held me still with disbelief as I took myself in slowly and digested the image

myself as me, yet I’m angular, fuller lipped, clearer skinned. My features somehow better without changing too much so I can't put my finger on the why. My hair's thicker, fuller, lighter, so that instead of mousy brown, it’s a highlighted caramel

still has many who live under this roof, even after turning, who have no desire to leave. I may have imprinted on a mate, but I bear no mark to solidify a union, therefore I’m mateless in their eyes and available, and I need

turning, but not all. Hormones, lack

to join with me, until I feel like I may turn inside out with

A lack of a real pack means a lack of protection, and any kind of consequences for a male who brutally takes what he wants. We live in a

I’ve been sent to dwell here to stay away from his son. They know not to kill or maim me, but messing me up a little, doing unspeakable things... his son would recover the pain quickly and not carry the

and slump down on my bed, aware Vanka has come in, grabbed some belongings and left again. She too is keeping her distance since the turning. It seems my public shaming with Colton put me in some kind of social outcast list, among

girl who had the audacity to bond to someone way above her station. Especially not Prince Santo himself. Like I somehow orchestrated

doesn't seem to matter to the circling predators in this house. Most hate the Santo's and any of the alphas for that matter because they know they will never be

insides in knots, but I just can't seem to face eating. I try; I go down for allocated mealtimes, but I pick at my food and it all tastes like cardboard when I put it in my mouth. Nothing shifts this feeling, this deep emptiness creating a cavern inside of me and it's bottomless and cold. The longer this goes on the worse it gets. The only thing my body craves and wants, it can't have. I hate that he can mess me up like this,

but him. Push the thoughts of him aside and try to bring forward an image of my parents instead, something I do when I need to self-calm or bring a happy memory into the depression of my daily life. I try to formulate my mother's face, to bring me some comfort, but they are all becoming blurry faded

and I have nothing left of them in any form after the elders destroyed

need to see

comes out of nowhere, inside my head and I jump at

my dreams any time I sleep, and my body tingles in response at the contact, goosebumping all over instantly. Insides tingling with anticipation of seeing my mate again. I miss him