Rejected Mate and Following Fate

I know I’m getting to see him, finally, but everything about that interaction breaks me open and I roll over into my cushions to sob it all out.

Crying in pain, that’s not too dissimilar to mourning my entire family, ten years ago. I feel worse now I’ve spoken to him briefly. This feels as much of a loss as then, even if it seems crazy and not even a comparison. Like something awful is coming and that when I see him, it will only serve to cause me more devastation.

A nagging voice of logic and haste in the back of my head pulls me out of my dark depressive state, and reminds me that if I want to get to the forest within the hour, I need to get up and motivate myself. In human form, it's a trek and a half, and I need time to get ready. I’ve been living in my nightwear for days.

In wolf form I'll get there in minutes but completely naked, and I haven't yet tried to turn of my own accord. Too preoccupied to even attempt it and wouldn't know how to start without a little practice. I need to shower, change, make myself look half human at least, and hide the dark circles and shadows from pining my days away. I don’t want him to see me at my worst.

My body is weighed down with lethargy when I drag myself up, and it takes all my will power to haul ass to the bathroom moments later.

Desperate to find some relief in the meeting, even if the outcome won't be what my heart hopes. Torn in two though, with a little shining light of delusional hope, telling me that maybe what he needs, and wants to do face to face, is mark me as his mate. That maybe we can do this in secret and find a way to be together. Or maybe not.

I still cannot seem to get to grips with how this can be. How imprinting on a relative stranger can completely derail everything you knew before and make you so insanely in need of them that you would tie your life up in theirs just to be able to breathe. Pushing that person into the center of everything and craving them with the intensity of severe addiction.

I know more about him than anyone in my life and I have barely spoken to him. My mind is a chaotic mess of his life and mine, which once ran separate, yet now coincides and memories blur into one another. I have mental images of him at every age and random knowledge about things most people never know of their mate. I know everything he does, about himself, his life, his family, and I’m guessing the same goes for him too. You truly merge when imprinting and now I see why it's so rare and so potent when it happens. You lose control of everything and the only thing which matters from there on in, is your mate.

We are one. In every way possible.

I wash quickly, dress, and dry my hair at speed, and attempt to fix my face to hide the blotchiness of my tears. Make up was never my thing, but this sudden obsessive adoration for makes me want to look my best for him, even if our meeting has a tone that doesn’t spell happy ever after for me. I need to have hope.

and I swallow a lump in my throat as the shooting pain of

you, mom. I miss all

I have come accustomed to doing over the years, to bear the ache and turn to ready myself for getting out of here unseen. The only way I dealt with their loss was to never dwell too long on it.

before, nor ever needed, to but I have a route plan and I think I know how to get by unseen where no one will miss

of the garden to hide and read and know she won't bother checking. She doesn't care

a new life, much like Vanka is planning before the month is out. She's been making arrangements to head off and soon this room while be mine alone. That will be the only upside to being stuck here for an

are heading in here or have been for a decade. Newborns have families and unless another war wipes out a lot more of us, then I

time, so most of the kids are in the rooms of the left wing right now, learning all about our traditions and history with some academia thrown in. For the most part we are raised to live among humans, to fit in and exist in

and I didn't have to interact with non wolves since then. Those of us left with no family got pulled out of our human schools amid rumors of a deadly virus, plaguing families on the mountain skirts, which meant no officials came knocking. Some of the alphas, like the Santo’s too, for their own protection and lineage, but general population were allowed to retain their places in the real world as though nothing happened. I don't plan on going back there

none of whom returned at all from the great wars, and the house was repurposed for our use. Their wealth committed to the cause

easy to access from here and close enough for me

though, as his pack live on the south side of the mountain, almost seven miles from here. If he cant be seen leaving, he will have to go on foot, not use his truck, and the only option for him is to turn and wolf it this way. We can cover ground faster as our true selves and I wonder if I should take him some sort of clothing. Not that seeing him naked is

of this and will be carrying some sort of bag and

stupid, he said face to face, as using

used to my new speed and zipping around when you don't want to

for the woods with no one seeing me escape. It’s easier than I thought. Then again, no one expects me to defy rules and go chasing after Santo. I was never this girl before him and yet now, he just has to say the word and I go.... blindly following my alpha; another annoying trait of being mated. He commands and I do.

direction I need to go, stopping and dropping behind trees anytime I catch sight of movement or pick up

making me a paranoid wreck as I try to forge a path without trace, through the dense forest that leads to where I want to go. Heart pounding so hard through my chest I’m sure anyone nearby will hear it. I try to calm down but to no avail. I've never been a risk taker or had the bravery to

not one for a public flogging if I can help it. is stronger than me and even if he does feel my pain, Juan will

before I stop for much needed breath, gasping crazily with crushing agony, my limbs beginning to ache and burn from overuse and the unfamiliarity of speed running like this. Much like unfit people, we have to build our stamina so the human side of us can catch up, and I have not been good at building up to this kind of sprint. My legs and muscles are throbbing and feel like my tendons are being torn apart. I collapse behind an overgrown ridge to try and regain some equilibrium. So my lungs don't cave

to hang out, play and swim in the lake nearby and the path made it impossible to get lost. Animals walking the link to their

too afraid, yet every kid knows the way and knows exactly how to

high, head snapping to follow its source and eyes burning to see what is coming. I dart inside a large hollow log to conceal myself and

me.... don't be

honey and I exhale with both relief and something else. That elation at being close to him again, but I wonder why I haven't picked up on