Surrogate For Alpha Dom

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

leave you unless you’re

my voice cracking. I’m out of the bed in a

of the bed. “This is exactly what I’m talking

you’re angry with me, then be angry!

Consequences of my

nest, stalking forward with white-knuckled fists.

had a panic attack, Ella. If you want

but I need to let my wolf out and run off this temper.” He

door,

at the last moment, he turns back, his wolf glowing in his eyes. “And

treatment.” He rumbles angrily,

way. If you

ask the guards.”

Sinclair disappears, and I can hear his wolf racing

there, staring after him. Im

fresh bout of weeping. I consider

accused me of selfishly unloading my problems onto her, and

refrain.

whimpering like a pup and feeling just

more feral. She’s begging me to do something, to fix this, but I don’t

falling apart when I

but my wolf seems much more distraught about Sinclair’s

begs. I can’t

in reply. Even if I wasn’t on bed rest

Besides,

house.

though she’s still

little ball and pulling the blankets over

has certainly been angry with

you this

digger, or when he spanked me or dragged me out of

different. She argues. I was

in the past it’s been protective.

the first time he’s walked out.

I assure her, but there’s a small part

exact same thing.

know he has to come back, even if he only returns to end

lives here. But somewhere deep down inside

who imagines I’ll

worth the trouble, and simply

pastures? My wolf presses.

her. His entire life is here. His pack is here. He

much integrity to abandon

It wouldn’t be the first

their pup, especially with humans

be seriously wrong with us – what if he’s

if this was

I cry aloud, clamping my hands over my ears, even though her

inside my head. “

it, stop

and the more time that passes, the more