Surrogate For Alpha Dom

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

you unless

I’m out of the bed in a heartbeat, pacing back

the bed. “This is exactly what I’m

ne from reality. If you’re angry with me, then be angry! Let

Consequences of

out of the nest, stalking forward with white-knuckled fists. “I’m not

at you when you’ve just had a panic attack, Ella. If you

let my wolf out and run

the door, bypassing

last moment, he turns back, his wolf

He rumbles angrily, “I don’t

when I’m out of control this way.

ask the guards.”

disappears, and I can hear his

there, staring after him. Im

bout of weeping. I consider calling Cora, but

way she accused me of selfishly unloading

refrain.

pacing anxiously in my head, whimpering like a pup and

– if more feral. She’s begging me to do something, to fix this, but

felt terrible for falling

wolf seems much more

after him! She begs. I can’t stand it, we

in reply. Even if I wasn’t on bed rest and

Besides, he’ll only

house.

she’s still beside herself.

pulling the blankets over my

certainly been angry

thought. Why weren’t you this upset when he accused me of

he spanked me or dragged

I was barely awake in

been protective. This is the

hostile .. and the first time he’s

he’ll come back. I assure her, but there’s

exact same thing.

come back, even if he only returns to end our relationship

But somewhere deep down inside of me there’s a

imagines I’ll

he decides we’re not worth the trouble, and simply takes off

pastures? My wolf presses.

entire life is here. His pack is here. He

to abandon his duty

wouldn’t be the first time. He

willingly abandon their pup, especially

be seriously wrong with us – what if he’s

this was the last

aloud, clamping my hands over my ears,

inside my head. “

stop it,

my chest, and the more time that passes,