Surrogate For Alpha Dom

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

you

out of the bed in a heartbeat, pacing

the bed. “This is exactly what I’m talking

protecting ne from reality. If you’re angry with me, then be angry! Let

Consequences of

of the nest, stalking forward with white-knuckled

panic attack, Ella.

fine, but I need to let my wolf out and

the door, bypassing me

the last moment, he turns back, his wolf glowing in his eyes. “And

rumbles angrily,

out of control this way. If you need anything while I’m

ask the guards.”

hear his wolf racing

I simply stand there, staring after him. Im shaking again, and I’m trying

into a fresh bout

selfishly unloading my problems onto her, and

refrain.

my head, whimpering like a pup and feeling

begging me to do something, to fix this, but I don’t

felt terrible for falling apart when I was supposed

my wolf seems much more distraught

begs. I can’t stand it, we have

Even if I wasn’t

áble to catch up with him. Besides, he’ll

house.

in understanding, though she’s still

the blankets over my

Sinclair has certainly been angry with me in

after some thought. Why weren’t you this upset when he accused

gold digger, or when he spanked me

those times were different. She argues. I was barely

been protective. This is

he’s walked out. What if

assure her, but there’s a small part

exact same thing.

back, even if he only returns to end our

somewhere deep down inside of me there’s

who imagines I’ll never see him

worth the trouble, and simply

pastures? My wolf presses.

at her. His entire life is here. His

much integrity to abandon his duty that

wouldn’t be the first time. He told us no

pup, especially with

us – what if he’s finally figured

this was the

it!” I cry aloud, clamping my hands over my ears, even though her

inside my head. “

it, stop

from my chest, and the more time that passes, the more convinced