Surrogate For Alpha Dom
Chapter 120
Ella
When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,
tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain
ruined our moment.
“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let
me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the
pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.
“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping
you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not
because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too
broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.
“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my
feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with
some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.
“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.
What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to
lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly
taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in
return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs
to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced
that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I
might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I
can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”
Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His
heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and
the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I
watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to
infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the
battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want
you unless you’re
out of the
of the bed. “This is
from reality. If you’re angry with me, then
the Consequences of
of the nest, stalking forward with
panic attack, Ella. If you want to
I need to let my wolf out and run off
the door, bypassing me
turns back, his wolf glowing in his
rumbles
when I’m out of control this way. If you need
ask the guards.”
that, Sinclair disappears, and I can hear his wolf
staring after him. Im shaking again, and I’m trying
a fresh bout of weeping. I
me of selfishly
refrain.
whimpering like a pup
– if more feral. She’s begging me to do
for falling apart when I was supposed to be
my wolf seems much more distraught about
after him! She begs. I can’t stand it,
reply. Even if I wasn’t on bed
Besides, he’ll only be angrier if
house.
though she’s still beside herself. I
a little ball and pulling the blankets over my head. I
angry with me in the past. Hey, I
wolf after some thought. Why weren’t you this upset when he accused
when he spanked me or
times were different. She argues. I was
angry in the past it’s been protective.
first time he’s walked
I assure her, but there’s
exact same thing.
back, even if he only
all, he lives here. But somewhere deep down inside of me there’s a
I’ll
not worth the trouble,
pastures? My wolf presses.
I shout at her. His entire life is here. His
integrity to abandon his
in her paws. It wouldn’t be the first time. He told us
pup, especially with humans – but our parents
us – what if he’s finally figured
this was the
clamping my hands over my
inside my head. “
stop
wrenches from my chest, and the more
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