Surrogate For Alpha Dom

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

leave you unless you’re

I burst, my voice cracking. I’m out of the

“This is exactly

reality. If you’re angry with

the Consequences

stalking forward with white-knuckled

at you when you’ve just had a panic attack, Ella.

to let my wolf out and run off this temper.”

door, bypassing

last moment, he turns back, his wolf glowing in his eyes. “And

He rumbles angrily, “I don’t

out of control this way. If you

ask the guards.”

I can hear his wolf racing away down the

staring after him. Im shaking again, and I’m trying

to dissolve into a fresh bout of weeping. I consider calling Cora,

she accused me of selfishly unloading my problems

refrain.

wolf is pacing anxiously in my head, whimpering like a

I am – if more feral. She’s begging me to do something, to fix this, but I don’t

felt terrible for falling

seems much more distraught

should go after him! She begs. I can’t stand it, we have to fix

in reply. Even if I wasn’t on bed rest and it

catch up with him. Besides, he’ll

house.

still beside herself. I climb

pulling the

been angry

weren’t you this upset when he

he spanked me or dragged

I was barely awake in

it’s been protective. This is the

and the first time he’s walked

he’ll come back. I assure her, but there’s a small part of me

exact same thing.

I know he has to come back, even if he only returns to end

somewhere deep down inside of

who imagines I’ll

we’re not worth the trouble, and simply takes off for

pastures? My wolf presses.

at her. His entire life is here.

to abandon his duty

digs in her paws. It wouldn’t be the first

their pup, especially with humans – but our

must be seriously wrong with us –

if this was

I cry aloud, clamping my hands over my ears, even

inside my head. “

it, stop it,

from my chest, and the more time that passes,