Surrogate For Alpha Dom

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

leave you

cracking. I’m out

the bed. “This is exactly

ne from reality. If you’re angry with me,

the Consequences of my

out of the nest, stalking forward

a panic attack, Ella. If you want to

my wolf out and run

door,

at the last moment, he turns back, his wolf glowing in his eyes.

rumbles

of control this way. If you need anything while I’m

ask the guards.”

and I can hear his wolf racing away down

I simply stand there, staring after him. Im shaking again,

fresh bout of weeping. I consider calling Cora, but

she accused me of selfishly unloading my problems onto

refrain.

wolf is pacing anxiously in my head, whimpering like a pup

I am – if more feral. She’s begging me to do something,

falling apart when

much more distraught about Sinclair’s

after him! She begs. I can’t stand it, we have

I grumble in reply. Even if I wasn’t on bed rest and it was perfectly safe,

áble to catch up with him. Besides, he’ll only be

house.

understanding, though she’s still

a little ball and pulling the blankets

has certainly been angry with me in the

some thought. Why weren’t you this upset when he

spanked me or dragged me

argues. I was barely awake in

in the past it’s been protective. This is the

first time he’s walked out.

I assure her, but there’s a small part of me that fears

exact same thing.

to come back, even if

all, he lives here. But somewhere deep down inside

who imagines I’ll never see

we’re not worth the trouble, and simply takes off for

pastures? My wolf presses.

entire

to abandon his duty that

her paws. It wouldn’t be the first time. He told us

pup, especially with humans –

with us – what

this was

it!” I cry aloud, clamping my hands over my

inside my head. “

stop it,

from my chest, and the more