Surrogate For Alpha Dom

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

leave you unless

out of the bed in a heartbeat, pacing

front of the bed. “This is exactly

reality. If you’re angry

Consequences of my

leaps out of the nest, stalking forward

you when you’ve just had a panic attack, Ella.

fine, but I need to let my wolf out and run off

the door, bypassing

at the last moment, he turns back, his wolf glowing in

rumbles angrily, “I

when I’m out of control this way. If

ask the guards.”

hear his wolf racing

I simply stand there, staring after him.

a fresh bout of weeping. I consider calling

she accused me of selfishly unloading my problems onto her,

refrain.

anxiously in my head, whimpering like

feral. She’s begging me to do

I might have felt terrible for falling apart when

my wolf seems much more distraught about

She begs. I can’t stand it,

grumble in reply. Even if I wasn’t on bed rest and it was perfectly safe,

up with him. Besides,

house.

understanding, though she’s still beside herself.

curling into a little ball and pulling the blankets

though Sinclair has certainly been angry with me in the past.

after some thought. Why weren’t you this upset when he accused me of

digger, or when he spanked me or dragged me out of

different. She argues. I was barely

in the past it’s been protective. This

the first time he’s walked out. What

course he’ll come back. I assure her, but there’s a small

exact same thing.

back, even if

lives here. But somewhere deep

who imagines I’ll

worth the trouble, and simply takes off

pastures? My wolf presses.

entire life is here. His

abandon his duty

in her paws. It wouldn’t be the

especially with humans – but

seriously wrong with us – what if he’s finally figured it

this was

I cry aloud, clamping my hands over

inside my head. “

it, stop it,

wrenches from my chest, and the more time that passes,