The Carrero Contract - Selling Your Soul (Mafia Romance)

People like him that did awful things. It would both fuel that wicked brain with more emotional tools and probably give him a sadistic kick. I quickly distract myself by picking up on a weird detail in what she said instead and let it go.

‘’You call him Lex? I can’t see him as a Lex somehow.’’ I try to move her onto something less raw and to the bone, distracting her instead with something menial. Only people I ever hear calling him that are his cousin and brother, it’s oddly personal. I look her up and down not sure what to make of that obvious affection, even for him she’s a bit young. She doesn’t look old enough to have even left school yet. I never pegged him for that kind, and it makes me feel sick to my stomach that he could be, and I just never realised it.

No better than Rick and his tastes in young girls. I find it repulsive to think of him looking at someone like her in that way, and yet I can’t ignore that tiny bite of jealousy, stupidly.

‘‘I’ve known him my whole life, I consider him like an honorary uncle or even like an older brother, he can be intimidating sometimes but I like him.’’ No hint of a lie, the kid is smitten in a family connected way—innocent and naïve. She’s clearly deranged but clearly NOT sexually connected. Knowing that she sees him as family makes me feel better, immediately relieved even if there’s something wrong with her.

I guess family is different though, Sophie seemed to have genuine affection for him too and I wonder what it is they see in him. I guess she gets to see a different side to him than most and it makes me realise even more so how much my hopes of meaning something to him are based on fantasy.

If he cared, I would have as much insight into the other side of him as the little girl standing in front of me. Someone he allows to see beyond what he is in this world if there is another side to him. The hints of softness I saw in fleeting moments that he obviously lets those he cares about see fully. Yet another sharp reminder that he never let me behind that barrier once.

Let it go, Camilla … Let him go. You can’t make him love you and he clearly had a sense of obligation over care last night. He wants me gone and probably didn’t want me to die on his turf, or in his apartment.

I should just stick with the plan and start my life somewhere else, get my head straight and sort my heart out; go back to my numb existence where I had freedom to play men for my own benefit.

When did I become this woman? Head on a man obsessively, letting it overtake every part of my thoughts to the point he effects all my decisions and needs. I’m losing my marbles, losing my sense of self and becoming pathetic. I used to watch girls like this, going gaga over some suave man with a nice smile, and completely pity them for their naivety and weakness.

I swore it would never be me.

wore and I would never be duped by one,

like he would treat me well, trust me, give me a relationship or even care about me, and yet I went and fell for him anyway. Against all the odds the girl

all those years really did screw me

you, you don’t need to stick around, I feel like I could take

hassle Mico is coming by soon to shift swap and is bringing soup, he feels bad that he didn’t know you were sick.’’ I don’t really know how that

Really though, I am a

said much to me and kept his distance

from me and is now discarding me after he has gotten it. I don’t know how to feel knowing that someone is willing to take care of me because I am sick for no reason other than he wants to; it makes me feel uneasy in

by the name of Anjelo. Hottest guy I have ever laid eyes on and

what a can of worms men and sex can be. I also happen to think she really doesn’t

get it back and it changes everything, trust me, I know.’’ I sound friendly enough but

why I even feel like I should be giving any sort of advice to flippant young girls I don’t even know. I don’t care about the lives of others, and I have no space for those kinds of complications or problems. No one in the world ever cared about mine or me, so I learned to

… he seemed concerned about you, I don’t normally see him too hot about women.’’ She sits on the edge of the bed uninvited with wide probing eyes, youthfully curious and I just sigh at her knowing when I have no chance of shaking

was lumped with under Rick’s command. I learned fast that women are devious witches who

with you to cool you down.

literally gawp at her, fragments of memory making sense, but none of it does. I literally just stare at her as though I am not hearing her right, trying to pull back fuzzy memories without much success. I do have a vague recollection of listening to Alexi talk to me under a constant stream of cool fluid, but it’s so far away and lost in the recess of my brain I cannot fully conjure