‘So, what now? He just lets me get away with threatening him? I get handed to you and forgotten?’ My voice is harsh yet low and I whisper hoarsely at him, aware that the door is open and you never know what night staff are still close by.

Even I don’t believe that will be the outcome. Alexi is one to exact revenge and punishment for far less crimes. He won’t forget that I pulled his own gun on him and held it to his heart. He would never allow me to go without some sort of reckoning for such gross behaviour. I mean the guy flipped over me throwing salad at him; I have no doubt pointing his gun at his heart is a far worse crime. That comes with a far worse punishment.

‘He knows you weren’t trying to kill him. You were scared, upset … drunk.’ Mico turns his attention back to me and just looks helpless. Smoothing the edge of my bedclothes in an awkward manner and tapping his thumb on the over bed table at the foot. That infuriating Alexi trait and I glance away, pain slicing my soul in two. I hate that he still gets to me when he is not even here.

‘So, what does that mean? I’m forgiven? … life goes on. A pitiful little show from a desperate plaything.’

I told him I loved him … and he destroyed me for it.

‘No.’ Mico inhales heavily, and yet I hold my breath and just eye him in question, tensing on the answer to what I am waking up to.

Where do I go from here? What does Alexi do with me now?

‘Alexi has told me to release you, all debt wiped. You go your way, we go ours. It’s over Camilla. You’re free.’ Mico sighs heavily as though somehow that’s a relief for him rather than me, and I frown trying to take it in.

I don’t know how to react. Everything in me just falls eerily silent and I blink at him in disbelief. Numb inside so suddenly as my mind tries to understand the words that have just come out of his mouth.

‘Just like that? Fifty grand struck off.’ I sound as disbelieving as I feel. Alternate universe flying in to smack me in the head.

I can’t believe that something Alexi held over me to keep me in his clutches is now dismissed as nothing, now that he has broken me. I’m dropped like an unwanted and used toy. I have lost the fun value, I guess. Alexi no longer wants a toy that’s cracked … he has new playthings to ruin. Where is the fun in that?

‘It’s pocket change to him. Take this opportunity to start a new life somewhere far away from the name Carrero. Forget him, forget us and get off this path.’ Mico watches me carefully, that warmth on his face showing through, and his voice reflects a hint of affection for me.

He is my first real friend in life. Pity he comes connected to that bastard cousin of his. Looks enough like him, sounds like him, and when he’s in shadow and his eyes are not as green as they normally are, he can pull expressions just like him.

The tears bite my eyes and that stubborn aching throb inside of me raises its ugly head. Traumatised for so many reasons.

Everything I felt last night washing over me as I become more lucid and in tune with my surroundings. Every memory of what happened almost crystal clear as the minutes roll by and I cringe at my own behaviour.

I am appalled that I genuinely tried to kill myself.

I am so god damn stupid. I swore I would never let a man push me over the edge, and yet here I am. One fucking man undid all of me and sent me spiralling out of control. I am no better than my mother with her pathetic addiction to prick men with control issues and abuse fetishes.

I refuse to keep being a victim in my own tragedy.

to worry about me showing up anymore. I’m done. Maybe I just needed a knock to the head to help me think straight and realise I should stay a million miles away

to pick up and find that cold part of my soul that

who lets no

Carrero and I won’t let him keep

stone-faced, unreadable, much like his bastard cousin and just ponders me for a moment.

have to hide the grimace that almost cringes

his inner pocket and gently throws it to land in my lap, a heavy thud of a weighty packet and

of Carrero new start.’ He jests without any real humour behind the empty smile and I glance from him to the package in question. Nervous but I have

me reason to

the flap with one finger to see what it is, peeking warily and my eyes almost pop out of my head at the pile of one-hundred-dollar notes jam-packed into such a small vessel. It’s crammed full. There has

you giving me this?’ My

feels responsible; it’s your foot up to a new

punch in the stomach, that one word that leaves a sour taste in my mouth pushes everything else aside and I

at the foot of the bed with a look of disgust for even letting me touch it. Feeling dirty as

back for. Give it back to him and tell him … I survived on my own my whole life; I don’t need

my venomous pitch and

nothing to him.’ He tries for a defensive low tone, but I start shaking my head impulsively, even

as that fire in my belly builds like a volcano waiting to

He can fuck off. I don’t need anything from him ever

consumes me, and he just continues to stand there like the silent black statue I know he can be. Unfazed by bat shit crazy Camilla! It irks me

need to hold onto that and let it feed and fuel my willpower. He may have knocked me down to dust, but I have the know-how to mix it back up to cement and

not what this is …’ Mico breaks

just go. If we’re done then I just need to get better, get out and know where to collect my belongings.’ I snap at him, closing down, pushing away. He may be my friend, my first real one, but I am doing the only thing I know how to do in life to protect myself. I am running away. Emotionally, mentally and when I am well—physically. I don’t need other humans touching my life

trying to soften my resolve, but I raise a palm. Remorse at being rude to him pushed

you both gone. I don’t need you standing guard by my bed or waiting for me to change my mind. It’s over—all of it. It’s a concussion and I’m not suicidal. I

mind as the one human being who was really decent towards me. I know I am putting myself first and this is the right thing. It only hurts for a little while and then it will all go

I don’t have friends.

to

battle he will not win. I won’t back down and all of this is just delaying the

weighing it as though he’s thinking of trying again. Defeat crosses his face as he thinks better of it and slides it back into his jacket

out to me with a more determined half smile and locks his eyes back on mine with a newly

will be on the end of that cell phone should you ever need help, in any way, at any time … I’m not my cousin

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