‘So, what now? He just lets me get away with threatening him? I get handed to you and forgotten?’ My voice is harsh yet low and I whisper hoarsely at him, aware that the door is open and you never know what night staff are still close by.

Even I don’t believe that will be the outcome. Alexi is one to exact revenge and punishment for far less crimes. He won’t forget that I pulled his own gun on him and held it to his heart. He would never allow me to go without some sort of reckoning for such gross behaviour. I mean the guy flipped over me throwing salad at him; I have no doubt pointing his gun at his heart is a far worse crime. That comes with a far worse punishment.

‘He knows you weren’t trying to kill him. You were scared, upset … drunk.’ Mico turns his attention back to me and just looks helpless. Smoothing the edge of my bedclothes in an awkward manner and tapping his thumb on the over bed table at the foot. That infuriating Alexi trait and I glance away, pain slicing my soul in two. I hate that he still gets to me when he is not even here.

‘So, what does that mean? I’m forgiven? … life goes on. A pitiful little show from a desperate plaything.’

I told him I loved him … and he destroyed me for it.

‘No.’ Mico inhales heavily, and yet I hold my breath and just eye him in question, tensing on the answer to what I am waking up to.

Where do I go from here? What does Alexi do with me now?

‘Alexi has told me to release you, all debt wiped. You go your way, we go ours. It’s over Camilla. You’re free.’ Mico sighs heavily as though somehow that’s a relief for him rather than me, and I frown trying to take it in.

I don’t know how to react. Everything in me just falls eerily silent and I blink at him in disbelief. Numb inside so suddenly as my mind tries to understand the words that have just come out of his mouth.

‘Just like that? Fifty grand struck off.’ I sound as disbelieving as I feel. Alternate universe flying in to smack me in the head.

I can’t believe that something Alexi held over me to keep me in his clutches is now dismissed as nothing, now that he has broken me. I’m dropped like an unwanted and used toy. I have lost the fun value, I guess. Alexi no longer wants a toy that’s cracked … he has new playthings to ruin. Where is the fun in that?

‘It’s pocket change to him. Take this opportunity to start a new life somewhere far away from the name Carrero. Forget him, forget us and get off this path.’ Mico watches me carefully, that warmth on his face showing through, and his voice reflects a hint of affection for me.

He is my first real friend in life. Pity he comes connected to that bastard cousin of his. Looks enough like him, sounds like him, and when he’s in shadow and his eyes are not as green as they normally are, he can pull expressions just like him.

The tears bite my eyes and that stubborn aching throb inside of me raises its ugly head. Traumatised for so many reasons.

Everything I felt last night washing over me as I become more lucid and in tune with my surroundings. Every memory of what happened almost crystal clear as the minutes roll by and I cringe at my own behaviour.

I am appalled that I genuinely tried to kill myself.

I am so god damn stupid. I swore I would never let a man push me over the edge, and yet here I am. One fucking man undid all of me and sent me spiralling out of control. I am no better than my mother with her pathetic addiction to prick men with control issues and abuse fetishes.

I refuse to keep being a victim in my own tragedy.

anymore. I’m done. Maybe I just needed a knock to the head to help me think straight and realise

to pick up and find that cold part of my soul that shields me like a

is a heartless bitch who lets no man fuck

lived through worse than Carrero and I won’t let

and stone-faced, unreadable, much like his bastard cousin and just ponders me for a moment. Nothing on that expression to give his feelings

the grimace that almost cringes out

He slides a thick envelope out of his inner pocket and gently throws it to land in my lap, a heavy thud of a weighty packet and I flinch with the tenderness of

and I glance

has never given me reason to be so when it

the flap with one finger to see what it is, peeking warily and my eyes almost pop out of my head at the pile of one-hundred-dollar notes jam-packed into such a small vessel. It’s crammed full. There has to be thousands here. Fifty at

you giving me this?’ My voice trembles

feels responsible; it’s your foot up

a punch in the stomach, that one word that leaves a sour taste in my mouth pushes everything else aside

single ounce of flickering hope dies right inside of me. And I toss it back to Mico at the foot of the bed with a look of disgust for even letting me touch it. Feeling dirty as though he’s infected me

Give it back to him and tell him …

just sighs heavily at my venomous pitch and scowling looks. My anger isn’t for

money, it’s nothing to him.’ He tries for a defensive low tone, but I

bed as that fire in my belly builds

throw me a life saver. He can fuck off. I don’t need anything from him ever again. I will never accept another

as rage consumes me, and he just continues to stand there like the silent black statue I know he can be. Unfazed by bat shit crazy Camilla! It irks me that he has that

have; and she is rising in all her glory, fuelled by Alexi hatred right now. I need to hold onto that and let it feed

…’ Mico breaks into

know where to collect my belongings.’ I snap at him, closing down, pushing away. He may be my friend, my first real one, but I am doing the only thing I know how to do in life to protect myself. I am running away. Emotionally, mentally and when I am well—physically. I don’t need other humans touching

but I raise

over—all of it. It’s a concussion and

know I am putting myself first and this is the right thing. It only hurts for a

I don’t have friends.

have to

waits for what seems like an eternity as he analyses the stubborn set of my jaw and finally relents. He has the sense to know this is a battle he will not win. I won’t back down and all of this is just delaying the inevitable. He sighs heavily, eyes dropping as

it as though he’s thinking of trying again. Defeat crosses his face as he thinks better

determined half smile and

way, at any time … I’m not my cousin Camilla. I’m your friend and I

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