When did this happen? When did my feelings spill beyond friendship this badly?

I’ve seen him with other women …

He’s always been this way, when did I start reacting like this? Breaking my heart over him being his Casanova self.

“Tell the others, after I’m gone, I had to go away for a couple of days.” He’s picking up his suitcase, his body stiff with tension and the hatred oozing between us is unbearable.

“What reason shall I give?” I sound alien. This fake politeness between us, thick in the stifling air. We’re both exceptionally good at cold and polite.

“I don’t give a shit, Emma … The truth for all I care.” He flexes his eyebrows sardonically.

That was a blow … it hurt; it knocked the wind out of my sails. I move back as he stalks out with suitcase in hand, he slides his shades on, despite it being duller in here and he doesn’t even look at me; he seems beyond pissed.

Should I follow him? Should I stay here?

Stop hovering, Emma, it’s pathetic.

hall and out the door in the blink of an eye, obviously determined to leave. I hesitate and follow, I’m not sure why, but

my eyes, the way he always does. I want

consumes me. I catch sight of him near the

going, it’s not

heel and run back to my room at full speed. I run

back slips out with the pain I’ve always

Jake’s breaking my heart.

***

in the dark, watching the shadows of the water on my ceiling, I’m still and numb. As sensation as though I’m floating on the ocean directly, but

my body is ravaged and weak. I didn’t know that it could do this to me … release so much … doubt … insecurity … pain. I haven’t sobbed properly since I

to breaking down over the way my life has turned out. The way I am. I think of my mother and wonder if she disintegrated like this over

over Ray Vanquis when

Jake never dated me, he never left me in that way. I never experienced her kind of heartache. Ray inflicted more than heartbreak on

thought of that

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