When did this happen? When did my feelings spill beyond friendship this badly?
I’ve seen him with other women …
He’s always been this way, when did I start reacting like this? Breaking my heart over him being his Casanova self.
“Tell the others, after I’m gone, I had to go away for a couple of days.” He’s picking up his suitcase, his body stiff with tension and the hatred oozing between us is unbearable.
“What reason shall I give?” I sound alien. This fake politeness between us, thick in the stifling air. We’re both exceptionally good at cold and polite.
“I don’t give a shit, Emma … The truth for all I care.” He flexes his eyebrows sardonically.
That was a blow … it hurt; it knocked the wind out of my sails. I move back as he stalks out with suitcase in hand, he slides his shades on, despite it being duller in here and he doesn’t even look at me; he seems beyond pissed.
Should I follow him? Should I stay here?
Stop hovering, Emma, it’s pathetic.
know what to do, this isn’t me, not anymore. He’s up the hall and out the door in the blink of an eye, obviously determined to leave. I hesitate and follow, I’m not sure why, but I suddenly need to cling to his presence, the last moments of him. I just want him to stop this, he’s
he always does. I want him to brush my hair back and take care of me. I want the Jake I know and care about, not this cruel cold man who
him near the rear of the boat, he’s following
god. He really is going, it’s not
into the waiting boat. I can’t bear to see him leave, so I turn on my heel and run back to my room at full speed. I
I’ve ever held back slips out with the pain I’ve always avoided. I can’t breathe, it’s
Jake’s breaking my heart.
***
as though I’m floating on the ocean directly, but I’m still laid on my bed. It’s night and dark… I haven’t left, and I
do this to me … release so much … doubt … insecurity … pain. I haven’t sobbed properly since I was five years old; back then I didn’t cry over heartache, I only knew
ever experienced, it leads to breaking down over the way my life has turned out. The way I am. I think
she break this way over Ray
her kind of heartache. Ray inflicted more than heartbreak on her. I have no clue what to
that monster makes me
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