The Carrero Effect - Falling for the Boss (Billionaire CEO)

Chapter 89

“Teenage Emma, only less aggressive.” She shrugs. “And yet so much changed … emotional … open, and honest … even warm.” She giggles with an apologetic expression.

“You make me sound like I was awful to be friends with.” I chide softly, guilt coursing through me again. I lower my lashes, ashamed in a way that I’ve been this way toward her for so long. So blind to it.

“You have your charms, Ems … You’ve no idea the allure you have, even when you’re acting the ice maiden.” She smiles. “There’s always a hint of something more in you … Like it’s just out of reach; I can see why Jake would pursue it … That elusive prize, always dangling out there, that door sitting ajar, waiting to be opened.” She grins at me, my face flushing with her version of how she sees me. It’s so disconnected with who I am. Who I think I am, and my mind reels.

Is she right? Does Jake see something worth chasing, worth holding on for, and trying to figure out?

“My messed-up brain.” I grimace sadly, she smiles back at me gently. Her eyes softening with understanding.

“Have you ever just come out and told him how you feel? He may surprise you.” She coaxes, placing a hand over mine once again.

Why have I never done this? With Sarah I mean, this female bonding, sharing our problems, being real and letting someone else figure out your heartbreak with you. That shoulder to lean on.

Because I’m incapable of showing people that I’m capable of being hurt, defensively protecting myself, always hiding. Jake has stripped me of my armor, slowly and surely.

“It’s too hard.” I admit sadly. “I’m scared all the time, Sarah … Scared of what he’ll say … Scared of what he’s thinking … feeling … He’s complicated, he sleeps around … He has women at every city we go to, always at arm’s length … He doesn’t do love and I couldn’t bear his rejection.” The words slice me open; I can’t think about these women he has sex with, the pain is too acute. She’s watching me carefully, sipping her cocoa and thinking.

“You think he wants to be with that girl though; Marissa?”

he still brought her home with us and left the airport with her.” the tears tug at my eyes and I push them down. I shift to cross my legs under the throw and cradle my cup closer, in a bid to regain my equilibrium, feeling like the warmth is soothing me somehow. I can’t analyze what is there between them, it’s

just shake my head and shrug, I really

He closed up … Jake isn’t ready for that kind of

where all my self-doubt

self-doubt has always existed, always gnawing at me, reminding me how worthless I am, in the grand scheme of things. Having a father reject you and

hard, Sarah sighs heavily, mirroring how I feel; there isn’t anything much to say on this subject. We’ve dissected

after a brief reflective

and I know she has your cell number, so I guess she’s not actually trying to contact you directly.” She pauses, hesitant for a second. “I spoke to her briefly, she’s doing well, her nurse is taking care of her.” She smiles at me gently. Sarah text me this all before and hadn’t been surprised

many hot drinks with nausea rising. Sarah raises an eyebrow, then lets my comment pass. I haven’t told her about Ray … About what happened in Chicago. I will, I promise myself to tell Sarah everything, just not right now. This is all new

going to talk to her?” she asks instead, her bright blue eyes focused on my face. I’m avoiding it, looking at my hands in my lap, and

to her again? How can I ever

don’t have the energy or the inclination to go there anymore. I have so many emotions about my mother, so much conflict, love, and hate. It’s not something I can evaluate anytime soon. Especially not with

mind. I briefly told her,

Sarah. I have

That damned Carrero charm.

did for her what someone should have done for you, Ems.” Sarah is so direct and spot on that I snap my eyes to her, inhaling lightly. I want to deny it, want to brush it off like old Emma would, return to cold and controlled, “no one hurts me”,

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