“Emma, I believe he’s the one for you, mistakes aside. I truly believe you’ll never find another love or happiness in the way you found it with him. He seems to know what you need, almost instinctively, and he gives you it. He understands you. You have no idea how rare that is.” She tightens her grasp on my hand and gazes at me fondly. Those tropical blue eyes twinkling with love. “You changed someone like him, Emma, he changed you, you have no idea how huge that is. I don’t think he’ll ever look anywhere else again if you give him another chance, no, in fact I know he won’t.”

“I can’t just push aside what he did.” I sigh.

“But you can learn to forgive him, and you can only do that by talking to him and seeing what happens next.” She strokes back my hair from my face wiping away some of the wetness on my cheek. “You can’t wallow in here and hide away forever.”

“It hurts me when I think of him, or even see his name on a text or an email. I can’t bear to open any that he’s sent; not even the letter Mathews brought the first day.” I shrug at her hauling my hair across my face twisting it harshly. Lately, every anxiety driven habit and fidget I’d learned to control has returned tenfold, reminding me of him and his warm hands pulling my fingers from my hair. I yank my hands away clenching my fists to curb the urge.

“You’re doing what you always do, you’re pushing it away, denying its effect on you. It’s hurting you trying to catch it all in that little black box in your head, but it won’t work with this. You look awful.” Sarah smiles at me but I can see the concern in her eyes. “I’m not telling you to run back to him with open arms, just go see him … Or let him come see you. Talking is the only way forward.” The way she inclines her head with a knowing look gives me a tingle of suspicion. Something in that ‘know it all’ expression makes me stop and take note.

“He’s talked to you, hasn’t he?” I finally click that she knows more than I managed to say through hysterical tears, and she changed her whole attitude in the last few hours since my call. I’m not dumb, only Jake could’ve given her the insight that I don’t have. The way she’s been fighting to give him a chance when only hours ago she wanted to rip that pretty head from his wide, strong shoulders.

More like his asshole head and arrogant shoulders. Man up, Emma!

“Yes, he did. I wasn’t sure if I should tell you. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind if I’m being honest. He gave me his number a while back when I couldn’t get through to you at work and had to call your main office.” She looks away sheepishly as though she’s done something wrong.

“What did he say? How did he sound?” I can’t help myself, it’s like dangling alcohol in front of a drunk, any tiny insight into Jake right now is what I need and crave, even if it’s something I’m not sure my frayed emotions can handle right now. I know how contradictory my reaction is to what I’ve been thinking, but it’s an instinctive impulse I have no control over.

… That kind of threw me.” She shrugs nonchalantly. “I was all set to yell at him but then I sort of didn’t, he sounded like a man who’s living through hell Emma …

betrays my urge to cry. I don’t want to hear how hurt he is or how different he is. I want to know my domineering cocky asshole is still in there. I need him to

like lead in my mouth. “… Tell me what

he wanted me

I couldn’t bear to hear him say any of it. I don’t think I could handle it. Please Sarah.” I turn to her with watery, pleading, eyes, and a grim expression. My pain is so visible she lets out a small cry of sympathy,

more, my begging gaze boring into her, weakening her resolve. Defeat in her

gut. He said he knew instantly he was throwing away everything that mattered to him, that he was being an idiot,

I don’t give one, she carries on. “He said he switched on his phone when he couldn’t stand it any longer and had two messages and a voicemail from you. It was like having his heart ripped out all over again. He knew as soon as he saw them, he’d lost you. He knew the second he told you what he’d done you would go.” She sighs and raises her eyebrows in an ‘I’m sorry’ kind

I already know. I bite down the burning knot of agony in my throat, fighting

guy; except now you love him. We all have insecurities, and we all jump to conclusions and make stupid mistakes, even him.” She hands me the box of tissues from the side. No one knows more than me that we’re capable of irrationality when

the queen of

I can never forgive him? Never stop feeling this

at her. “He really loves you in a way that makes me kind of jealous.” She smiles, casting her eyes to her shut bedroom door. “Not all men are so easy to love or show it so openly. But Jake and you, I think you’re the exception to the rule, you two really are the

right now.” I sigh, wiping my nose with my sleeve, ungraceful and completely angst pushed. The old Emma would be

I’m not saying that for him, I’m saying it for you. I don’t think I’ll ever see you get over him if you do.” She sets a serious look on her gentle face. “You owe it to yourself to try to forgive him, if you can’t then at least you know you tried.” Sarah’s warmth calms me bringing some sense of numb back to the

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