We sit across from each other in the busy little barbecue bistro, the used plates laid between us, and I feel a hundred times better if not a little too stuffed. I sort of regret the pie and donuts, but I had a point to make to him and I was in no backing down mood.

The walk here, the food, and the time to silently ponder it all, has brought me down to a more even level of insanity. He’s kept his distance, not touched me, or talked, but let me think, until I had some sense of calm; outwardly at least. The food has almost annihilated my thoughts of anything else. My hunger was so ravenous, that I focused completely on demolishing the food he bought me, trying to ignore the surprising yet affectionate expression he had while watching me eat. He hasn’t dared to touch anything on the plates I requested but has stuck to his own as though he knows that in doing so, I’ll most likely turn feral.

This hunger is rather worrying. I hope it doesn’t stay this way for the next eight months!

This place is one of my favorites for take-out.

Being surrounded by normal people doing normal things is easing the chaos in my head. If I can pretend that things are not as bad as they seem, I can act like none of it is happening to me right now.

“You look better.” Jake cuts into my train of thought, and I glance up at him. He’s lounging in the wooden seat, watching me, while folding a napkin into a tiny square. The fidgeting tell-tale sign that he’s not as laid back and comfortable as he appears but is mulling over the emotional turmoil in his own head.

“I just needed to let everything sink in. It’s been a lot to deal with the last few days. To be honest, I have no way of coping with it all at once.” I push away my plate, now

longer wanting the smell wafting

having some sort of mid-life breakdown with all of this.

to handle my feelings from my younger life; yet Jake has forced

you. I’m finding all this hard, Emma, not just because of the baby, because I really miss you. I don’t want you anywhere but with me. I can’t think straight when you’re not around me.” He looks away and frowns across the café and my heart constricts a little at

so much pain, and this … today … well it just adds to the mess going on inside of my head. I’m hardly

that much?” The pain on his face makes

have no idea how to be a mother or even deal with kids, it’s not like I had a good example … When have you ever seen me near a child? Please don’t say Sophie because she’s almost an adult. I’m scared; and this … It couldn’t have come at a worse time than what’s happening between us right now.” I sigh, rubbing my fingers into my scalp, twirling a strand of my hair. I look out the window at the far end of the bistro, closing my eyes, wishing I could

I’m sorry baby. I’m sorry for all of this but you must believe me when I say we’re

but we can get through it together. If you let me in, just a little, let me help you get through this. I want all of

Why do

forgiving me … It’s not something you need to do right now to move on, Emma. That’s something I’ll earn over time when I prove to you that you can. I’m just asking for a chance to do this right, for you to take a chance on us again. We were good together. We are good together and I won’t lose you over a dumb mistake that I made impulsively. We can be happy, Emma, I know I can make you happy.” That intense serious face, the love in

I’m ever going to get used to this. It’s terrifying and a black hole of confusion in my head right now.

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