The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

I quietly walk into my family home late in the evening, sliding in unseen and head for the stairs in the hopes of getting to my room before anyone knows I’m back. I’m exhausted, mentally, and physically, and just need to go lie down and get my head together. I’m a mess, fragile, completely drained and generally just spent. I came away with so much in my head that I think my mind has shut down and gone into reboot mode in a bid to protect me from having a mental breakdown.

I wept in Emma’s arms for what seemed like an eternity, before we moved to the cozy snug by the playroom, for more privacy. We talked for hours just going around and around in circles. Emma really did hit a home run with accuracy. The more we talked it out and I came to terms with it, the more I could see she was right. This was always about him!

I’ve been living like a crazy heartbroken maniac for months. Flitting from meaningless man to man, unbroken over being cheated on, badly treated, or used, because my heart is already fully invested elsewhere and the pain it’s causing is drowning everything else out. I’ve been grasping for love wherever I can find it, in a bid to rid myself of the torment of him inside my soul. I just feel so stupid, so blind and confused.

when the worried voice of my mom calling to me floats up behind me, halting me in my tracks. That sense of sinking

mess my face is in after hours of crying into Emma’s lap. She will only question me endlessly and get more hurt with my inability to tell her what’s

I am so fucked.

stair, despite staying silent. “I’ll come down early for breakfast with you.

things. Not clamming up and you know … running off. I would like that so much, my darling.” My mom’s soft voice, absolutely loaded with devotion, ruins me. The guilt I have been carrying for so long just seems a hundred times heavier with opening my eyes to what my problem has been all along. She didn’t