The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

Chapter 59

“All I know is that without you in my life, Sophs, I fall apart, and everything just sucks. I can’t seem to pull myself together, and that raises some major fucking questions as to what Natasha is to me.” His face crumbles, fusing brow over lost boy eyes and the heaviest sigh ever.

My heart almost stops beating, my voice caught in my throat at this confession of sorts, and I no longer know what to do, or what to say. Tears start free falling down my face as Arrick gently wipes them away with soft fingertips. Watching me, agony mirrored in his expression.

“What do you want from me?” I blurt out, unsure what to even think or feel anymore, heart constricting with the return of my pain and suffering.

This is what I wanted, wasn’t it?

Then why does it still feel like he’s pushing me away?

okay, that you were safe. I just needed to find you.” Arrick seems to struggle with the closeness and steps back again, dragging air into his lungs heavily, screwing up his face as though

that way and

so many boundaries this crosses. It’s not exactly easy to realize that the kid I was so sure was like a little sister to me, is someone I can even contemplate wanting in that way. You have no idea how messed up my own head is with every fucking little detail of why this isn’t right. It’s You... Mio Mimmo, my Sophs. My sidekick, my Robin, and my best friend. My brother is your godfather for God’s sake, and you’re the adopted kid of a family that has been an extension of my own since I was born. I put you on the very firm side of platonic, and put up a million boundaries so long ago, mentally shelved you on the ‘never go there’ and ‘never see you in any other way’ pile.” He rubs his face with both palms roughly, giving me space, yet again, and so obviously in turmoil. “You trust me, everyone trusts me when it comes to you. How can I cross that

I’m completely bewildered as it runs through me, calming my tears and instead of pain or fear, or even confusion, I just feel weirdly detached. Like this is all some dream and I no longer have a connection to my emotions. I think I may be in shock, like all of this has gotten too much to absorb,

the floor and puts it back on his shoulder, running hands down his face

just get to my apartment, Sophs, take one thing at a time. Deal with your family and this mess you created and worry about us later.” He sounds exhausted, defeated and I am so not ready to have

then drop it.” I snap at him, aware of the hypocrisy in

my apartment, with no clue as to where I am, other than looking for you. I have a life and a relationship. I never thought I would find myself torn between two women I love like this. What do you want me to say? I’m an asshole? Yes, I fucking am. I never thought I would find myself contemplating even kissing you, let alone fucking up my life, or the life of my girlfriend, over it.” He raises his palms in desperation, his face ashen and crushed. I am a little stunned with the way he phrases it, as though he actually thought about throwing everything

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