The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

Chapter 59

“All I know is that without you in my life, Sophs, I fall apart, and everything just sucks. I can’t seem to pull myself together, and that raises some major fucking questions as to what Natasha is to me.” His face crumbles, fusing brow over lost boy eyes and the heaviest sigh ever.

My heart almost stops beating, my voice caught in my throat at this confession of sorts, and I no longer know what to do, or what to say. Tears start free falling down my face as Arrick gently wipes them away with soft fingertips. Watching me, agony mirrored in his expression.

“What do you want from me?” I blurt out, unsure what to even think or feel anymore, heart constricting with the return of my pain and suffering.

This is what I wanted, wasn’t it?

Then why does it still feel like he’s pushing me away?

the closeness and steps back again, dragging air into his lungs heavily, screwing up his face

about me though, you were so sure. I can’t understand how you can go from that to this. How you can say you don’t feel that way and then do a complete turnaround?” Clutching, trying to get my head around it and really not doing it well. Brain slowly rehashing everything he has said, and

I shouldn’t see you in any other way, so many boundaries this crosses. It’s not exactly easy to realize that the kid I was so sure was like a little sister to me, is someone I can even contemplate wanting in that way. You have no idea how messed up my own head is with every fucking little detail of why this isn’t right. It’s You... Mio Mimmo, my Sophs. My sidekick, my Robin, and my best friend. My brother is your godfather for God’s sake, and you’re the adopted kid of a family that has been an extension of my own since I was born. I put you on the very firm side of platonic, and put up a million boundaries so long ago, mentally shelved you on the ‘never go there’ and ‘never see you in any other way’ pile.” He rubs his face with both palms roughly, giving me space,

just feel weirdly detached. Like this is all some dream and I no longer have a connection to my emotions. I think I may be in shock, like all of this has gotten too much to absorb, so my mind has taken a timeout, or my heart

and puts it back on his shoulder, running hands down his face and exhaling slowly, as though somehow trying to regain control of this

a time. Deal with your family and this mess you created and worry about us later.” He sounds exhausted,

then drop it.” I snap at him, aware of the

this right now; I don’t have answers or a solution. Natasha is waiting in my apartment, with no clue as to where I am, other than looking for you. I have a life and a relationship. I never thought I would find myself torn between two women I love like this. What do you want me to say? I’m an asshole? Yes, I fucking am. I never thought I would find myself contemplating even kissing you, let alone fucking up my life, or the life of my girlfriend, over it.”

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