The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

Chapter 59

“All I know is that without you in my life, Sophs, I fall apart, and everything just sucks. I can’t seem to pull myself together, and that raises some major fucking questions as to what Natasha is to me.” His face crumbles, fusing brow over lost boy eyes and the heaviest sigh ever.

My heart almost stops beating, my voice caught in my throat at this confession of sorts, and I no longer know what to do, or what to say. Tears start free falling down my face as Arrick gently wipes them away with soft fingertips. Watching me, agony mirrored in his expression.

“What do you want from me?” I blurt out, unsure what to even think or feel anymore, heart constricting with the return of my pain and suffering.

This is what I wanted, wasn’t it?

Then why does it still feel like he’s pushing me away?

all day; she only knows I’m looking for you. I just needed to know you were okay, that you were safe. I just needed to find you.” Arrick seems to struggle with the closeness and steps back again, dragging air into his lungs heavily, screwing up his face as though battling something in his head and rubs his hand up the back of his neck and hair in agitation. “I didn’t think beyond finding you, and I never intended to say any of this to you. All this shit wasn’t why I looked for you. I

go from that to this. How you can say you don’t feel that way and then do a complete turnaround?” Clutching, trying to get

the adopted kid of a family that has been an extension of my own since I was born. I put you on the very firm side of platonic, and put up a million boundaries so long ago, mentally shelved you on the ‘never go there’ and ‘never see you in any other way’ pile.” He rubs his face with both palms roughly, giving me space, yet again, and so obviously in turmoil. “You trust me, everyone trusts me when it comes to you. How can I cross that boundary? That’s without even getting to the fact that I have a girl who loves me, sitting in my apartment right now, and completely trusts that I would never hurt her like this.” He’s more ravaged with every word out of his mouth, suddenly so clear as to why his head is in the throes of world war three and he’s acting like a guy

me to say.” I’m completely bewildered as it runs through me, calming my tears and instead of pain or fear, or even confusion, I just feel weirdly detached. Like this is all some dream and I no longer have a connection to my emotions. I think I may be in shock, like all of this has gotten too

off the floor and puts it back on his shoulder, running hands down his

and this mess you created and worry about us later.” He sounds exhausted, defeated and I am so not ready to have this conversation swiped

this then drop it.” I snap at

you want me to say? I’m an

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