The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

Chapter 59

“All I know is that without you in my life, Sophs, I fall apart, and everything just sucks. I can’t seem to pull myself together, and that raises some major fucking questions as to what Natasha is to me.” His face crumbles, fusing brow over lost boy eyes and the heaviest sigh ever.

My heart almost stops beating, my voice caught in my throat at this confession of sorts, and I no longer know what to do, or what to say. Tears start free falling down my face as Arrick gently wipes them away with soft fingertips. Watching me, agony mirrored in his expression.

“What do you want from me?” I blurt out, unsure what to even think or feel anymore, heart constricting with the return of my pain and suffering.

This is what I wanted, wasn’t it?

Then why does it still feel like he’s pushing me away?

you were safe. I just needed to find you.” Arrick seems to struggle with the closeness and steps back again, dragging air into his lungs heavily, screwing up his face as though battling something in his head and rubs his hand up the back of his neck and hair in agitation. “I didn’t think beyond finding you, and I never intended to say any of this to you. All this shit wasn’t why I looked for you. I just wanted you home and safe, to know where you were, and that you weren’t out there alone with some idiot hurting you. I couldn’t get it out

way about me though, you were so sure. I can’t understand how you can go from that to this. How you can say you don’t feel that way and then

is someone I can even contemplate wanting in that way. You have no idea how messed up my own head is with every fucking little detail of why this isn’t right. It’s You... Mio Mimmo, my Sophs. My sidekick, my Robin, and my best friend. My brother is your godfather for God’s sake, and you’re the adopted kid of a family that has been an extension of my own since I was born. I put you on the very firm

runs through me, calming my tears and instead of pain or fear, or even confusion, I just feel weirdly detached. Like this is all some dream and I no longer have a connection to my emotions. I think I may be in shock, like all of this has gotten too much to absorb,

puts it back on his shoulder, running hands down his face

family and this mess you created and worry

I snap at him, aware of

can’t deal with this right now; I don’t have answers or a solution. Natasha is waiting in my apartment, with no clue as to where I am, other than looking for you. I have a life and a relationship. I never thought I would find myself torn between two women I love like this. What do you want me to say? I’m an asshole? Yes, I fucking am. I never thought I would find myself contemplating even kissing you, let alone fucking up my life, or the life of my girlfriend, over it.” He raises his palms in desperation, his face ashen and crushed. I am a little stunned with the way he phrases it, as though he actually thought about throwing

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