The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

Chapter 59

“All I know is that without you in my life, Sophs, I fall apart, and everything just sucks. I can’t seem to pull myself together, and that raises some major fucking questions as to what Natasha is to me.” His face crumbles, fusing brow over lost boy eyes and the heaviest sigh ever.

My heart almost stops beating, my voice caught in my throat at this confession of sorts, and I no longer know what to do, or what to say. Tears start free falling down my face as Arrick gently wipes them away with soft fingertips. Watching me, agony mirrored in his expression.

“What do you want from me?” I blurt out, unsure what to even think or feel anymore, heart constricting with the return of my pain and suffering.

This is what I wanted, wasn’t it?

Then why does it still feel like he’s pushing me away?

screwing up his face as though battling something in his head and rubs his hand up the back of his neck and hair in agitation. “I didn’t think beyond finding you, and

so sure. I can’t understand how you can go from that to this. How you can say you don’t feel that way and then do a complete turnaround?” Clutching, trying to get my head around it

of my own since I was born. I put you on the very firm side of platonic, and put up a million boundaries so long ago, mentally shelved you on the ‘never go there’ and ‘never see you in any other way’ pile.” He rubs his face with both palms roughly, giving me space, yet again, and so obviously in turmoil. “You trust me, everyone trusts me when it comes to you. How can I cross that boundary? That’s without even getting to the fact that I have a girl who loves me, sitting in my apartment right now, and completely trusts that I would never hurt her like this.” He’s more ravaged with every word out of his mouth,

all some dream and I no longer have a connection to my emotions. I think I may be

puts it back on his shoulder, running hands down his face and exhaling slowly, as though somehow trying to

at a time. Deal with your family and this mess you created and worry about us later.” He sounds exhausted, defeated and I am so not ready

just hit me with this then drop it.” I snap at him, aware

apartment, with no clue as to where I am, other than looking for you. I have a life and a relationship. I never thought I would find myself torn between two women I love like this. What do you want me to say? I’m an asshole? Yes, I fucking am. I never thought I would find myself contemplating even kissing you, let alone fucking up my life, or the life of my girlfriend, over it.”

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