There have been so many tears this morning. I’ve seen Leila, Daniel and the twins, after I went to see Ava at the hospital with Jake and Emma; another beautiful little green-eyed darling, yet she’s fair, so I think she will be a mix of her two parents rather than one of each.

It’s clear that they are both completely infatuated with her, and they had all three kids in the private room while Jake was taking it in turns to cuddle up with them and the baby, to let them see their new sister. The whole scene was just heart-warming. Emma looks amazing, recovering in bed and hoping to be home later today, despite Jake’s reservations that she should stay there for a few days.

I throw the last of my clothes in the packing boxes on my bed. I have taken everything I want this time, including some stuffed bears and personal things with sentimental value and the rest of my cosmetics. It’s real this time, leaving home properly, and this time with my family backing me. No more running and hiding, but actually doing it the right way and starting a life that is no longer under my parent’s’ roof.

A life with a purpose and a goal.

There’s some unspoken vibe that everyone knows this is different. I’m not just running away to party and act recklessly. Following a plan that might take me somewhere better and have some sort of road in my life that leads to something more. The paperwork is waiting back home in Arrick’s apartment for me for the design school, and I can’t wait to go back and get the ball rolling. I could stay a few more days, spend time with the new addition, but my heart is aching to get things moving, and I know Arrick needs to leave anyway. He has commitments in the city, and I want to go home with him, not later. Despite how things are between us.

Mostly everyone has gone now, to the hospital to see baby Ava, and I want it that way. Staying here and packing up is harder than any other impulsive time I left. This time I know it’s real, it’s not a short- term fix to a problem, but a real meaningful step out the door with no plans to come back here. Growing up, finally doing something right, and I don’t want the added emotion of my family hanging around or dragging out the goodbyes.

“You about done?” Arrick’s voice comes from the open door. I’ve spoken to him only via text all day. Even timing my hospital trip to avoid him. Short brief responses because I am still pissed, and this is the first time I’ve laid eyes on him. I don’t know how to feel about him at the moment, and nothing coursing through me is very affectionate towards him.

“Yup.” I answer flatly, turning with attitude, still ready to do battle and bristling with hurt pride and a hurt heart when I’m faced with a huge bunch of white flowers in a crazily expensive display inches from me. I falter and just stare at the dozens of white roses and baby’s breath staring me right in the face, clouding him completely from view. I frown, eyes roaming how beautiful they are, yet that inner demon in me is never ready to accept an apology when I am still feeling this way.

“What are those for?” I eye him warily as his head appears from behind the bunch, lowering it with a cute smile, looking too confident in himself today. Dressed up in a shirt and chinos over boots and looking a bit too ‘first date’ for my liking.

do right? When they fuck up. Apologize with roses?” He holds them out to me with a doe-eyed expression; obviously thinking cute and coy will work with me, because I’m female. I forgot how much of a player he used to be, and I’m not impressed that he is pulling out his arsenal of Casanova

is just pissing

everything I want. Opening drawers and

to your girlfriend! She’s the one you betrayed, not me.” I respond sarcastically, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice that’s strangling me. Arrick puts the flowers on the bed and walks after me, catching my wrist as I move around and tugs me back to face him. I have no choice but to be pulled, always at a disadvantage

of any heartfelt apology, just that infuriating deadpan expression when

push past him, stalking towards the bed. I walk to the edge and pick up the bunch of flowers, surprised by how heavy it actually feels, how much prettier they are up close, and how gorgeous they smell. There’s a tiny flicker of doubt, possibly my resolve weakening at how thoughtful it was that he obviously drove somewhere to pick these up for me before coming here. I only take a moment’s hesitation to decide. I turn and walk towards my table where a beautiful vase is sat empty, by the window which is

Feeling his eyes on me as he too see’s the vase I seem to be going for. Thinking

purposely, with two more steps to my open exit, and throw the whole damn thing right out onto the back patio with a flourish. Turning with a raised brow as we hear the delayed ‘woosh’ of exploding cellophane and scattering flowers on concrete slabs.

to even react. He just keeps staring at me, bewildered. I guess he probably just wasted a couple of hundred

drawers. Almost a daring him to react. I could use an all-out screaming fight with him to clear some of this inner rage. Completely bristling for an

all.” I retort bitchily, and then slam

obviously a no-go.” Arrick tries to make light of it, tone casual, even though I know he’s still shaking his

think the no-go is probably the girlfriend, to be honest.” I snap icily, aware his eyes are followings me as I cross the room. Trying my hardest

supposed to choose? The outcome is the same. One of you gets hurt by me, no matter what I do, and that kills me.” Arrick bangs into

by the time I find an apartment, you can kiss me goodbye. Cos I’m not having you fuck with my heart right up until I start school. How about that, Huh?” I shove him out of the way, putting all my strength into it, satisfied when it

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