The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

Pushing his mouth to mine, kissing me with intention and cooling my jets completely as he tugs my arms across my back snugly. It’s not a passionate, tongue caressing kiss but it hits the mark and renders me mute in the blink of an eye. Calming the tidal wave of insanity and making me surrender to him on every level with minimal effort and I hate that he suckered me this way and exposed a severe Achilles heel. Finally, he pulls free and regards at me for a long moment.

“I’ll let your arms go if you promise to calm down, take a breath and hear me out.” He gazes at me imploringly, swallowing nervously and despite myself, sticking up my chin in defiance, I nod. My heart hammering from exertion, my brain trying to take control, but I am so spent; the exhaustive outburst has taken what little energy I had left in me and another bout of attack won’t be effective in any way.

“Fine.” He waits a second to see if I mean it, before releasing me and I pull my arms across my chest again as he does so. I turn away, taking on a stubborn and angry pose when really, I am scared that he’s just going to deliver another blow to my wounded soul. Arrick moves back to give me space, moving to my bed and sits down, breathing a little excessively and looking completely shattered too. He pats the space beside him, gazing my way but I only scowl at him and meet a resigned frown.

“I love you … I am in love with you. I fucked up, screwed everything up because I was scared and stupid as shit. I made the wrong choice, a lot of wrong choices concerning you because of how much I thought I would lose, and I have spent every second since regretting it, Sophie. I lost the only thing which ever mattered to me in all of it. You have to believe that. I meant all of it.” Arrick stands up again, obviously hating that I am still standing here like a statue. Anger brimming inside as he gets closer to me and I turn on him aggressively again before he can lay another hand on me.

“Why should I believe you? Where were you? Three fucking months since you asked me to leave your apartment. Where the fuck were you?” I yell at him, tears finding a fresh wave and rolling down my face. Even when I thought I had no more tears left to fall. He reaches for me impulsively, but I step back away from him and pull myself into a tight huddle, wrapping my arms around myself. He pauses and waits, realizing I am on the severe defensive and touch will only make me worse. He appraises my body language and expression, so fully focused on my eyes, with so many emotions on his face it’s weird to see. The cool and calm poker face is gone and instead, a guy who is seriously struggling to stay in control.

“I came for you. I did … I swear. Four weeks after you left, when I realized just how badly I had ruined all of our lives, Sophs, like I told you. When I couldn’t function anymore with not seeing you. I came to try and do this then.” He reaches for me again and clenches his fist, pulling it back in frustration at not being able to touch me, but I stay glaring at him coldly. My heart is torn with the many things he still has to answer for, so much my heart and head want to hear before I can even contemplate forgiving him.

Like why she is even here if she is nothing to him?

understanding why he’s saying he came when he didn’t. I would have seen him, spoken to him, maybe even been able to forgive

outside your apartment. I didn’t know he was gay, and to me, it looked like you had found someone else, you looked happy. I knew I didn’t have a right to fuck any of that up for you, even if I was there to try and get you back. Jake already told me that you didn’t want me near you anymore, I didn’t know how to react.” Arrick turns away and back

gave up so easily.” I turn my back on him and go off looking for a box of tissues, trying so hard to keep the tears at bay and failing. I am

She would still be trying right now to claw back what we had if I let her. She wanted to keep trying, she wanted to fix it and go back to how we were. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stay with her. You were never the second choice. You have always been the one for me, even when I couldn’t see it. I felt like I had severed half of my soul and had nothing left to be happy about … I never gave up on you, I saw you happy with him and knew you deserved that more than I deserved

him and frown his way, watching as his eyes stay on me wherever I go. Impulsively wiping away my tears not that they have stopped flowing

couldn’t exactly make her forgive me for something I didn’t even regret, and there was no way in hell I could stay with her when you were all I wanted. I was pining for you, every second that I was around her; all I thought about was you. This constant weight in my chest has been a reminder every second that I’m nothing without you, Sophs.” Arrick swallows hard, his

go was the single stupidest thing I have ever done in my life; failing to see what you are to me. How much I need you.” Arrick bites on his bottom lip and swallows hard, curbing

reaction is because of that, and my emotional exhaustion. Trying so hard to stay strong, but he is saying everything I ever wanted to hear, breaking me apart in so many ways that I can” stay strong. I turn back to stare back at him, unable to say anything while my heads this much of a wreck. Arrick sees my silence as a reason to keep talking, closing the gap a little between

wanting him to see how badly this is ripping me apart as he gets closer, afraid to let him in. He comes up behind me, unable to stop my sadness even when I feel his hands on my shoulders and my

have been, and I can’t be cruel to someone who never deserved any of this. She knows we’re over; she knows it’s because I’m in love with you. She knows that we’re not getting back together, even if I never get you back. I asked her to come here and see my family this weekend, to get her away from the city and her problems. I never thought anything would happen with you and waking up to the realization she was arriving while we were together, in bed … I didn’t know how the hell to handle it. That’s what the “fuck” was all about, not that you were beside me, that was pretty much the happiest moment in my life.” Arrick sounds tired, hell I’m tired. I don’t know what to think or feel and I just can’t seem

know what to say.” I finally sniff, sighing as he slides them down my arms slowly, sending a million goosebumps in their wake

the first time I see real fear in him. Something I never