The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

I walk into the elevator with my chaperone and slump back against the cold steel interior, heart thumping through my chest at how Arry is going to react. Pretty sure he’s going to be crazy mad at me for this one, another stupid and dangerous situation, even though it wasn’t my fault at all. I know he’s going to yell at me, off the charts explode, and well, after last night he probably still doesn’t like me very much.

My heart’s pounding through my chest, nerves eating away at me as we wait in silence to get to his floor. Whoever buzzed us in on the other end wasn’t him, some male voice I don’t recognize, so knowing he isn’t alone makes this even more stressful. Last thing I need is a bunch of witnesses while my boyfriend tears me a new one and probably dumps my ass spectacularly. I mean why the hell would he keep wanting to do this, after last right and now this? Getting him dragged into some crazy unbelievable bullshit. He’s right, I’m toxic and I attract all sorts of trouble. I’m a mess and I’m screwing up his life.

He’s better off without me.

When the doors slide open I’m faced with two men standing casually on guard, both identically suited and booted and looking very Mafia’esque. I half smile their way nervously, getting nods in return and glance around expecting to see Arrick. They are completely out of place in his apartment and I’m aware that my driver follows me inside. There doesn’t seem to be any sign of Arrick at all.

“I think they were on the veranda.” One man nods to me and I sigh, smiling a thanks as I leave them to it and wander towards the back of his apartment apprehensively, on almost tip toes because I’m so consumed with nerves. My heart starts thudding through my stomach and I begin to physically shake.

I have literally no idea how he’s going to react at all and I’m tense with nerves, I think I may throw up. I’m hot and unwell from the sheer stress of the last twelve hours and I’m pretty sure I may pass out before the hour is done. All my strength saps away and I’m left feeling weak and shaky as I tentatively proceed.

I can see from here the doors are open but voices coming from his study pull my attention in there instead. I pause as I catch sight of Jake and Arrick in the open doored study, in view from where I am, yet neither looking my way, so they don’t see me at all.

Jake has his hands on Arry’s shoulders, standing facing, but Arrick has his own hands in his hair, clutching the shortness as though he is on the verge of pulling it out, head tipped down and almost leaning the top of it into his brother’s chest; posture looking completely rumpled and loose. They don’t see me approaching, but I’m glued to how much he looks so unlike his normally calm and composed self.

Jake is practically holding him up and he is so slumped it’s like he has no life in him, his form screams of pain. It brings back the wave of heart wrenching tears, and they fill my eyes instantly.

“She’ll be okay, Alexi won’t let anything happen to her. You know he’ll fix this and get her out safely.” Jake sounds ravaged too, tears in his eyes fully trained on the top of his brother’s head while Arrick seems inconsolable. His voice broken when he responds quietly, and it only wounds me to my core.

“I left her…. I left my baby girl out there alone, Jake, hurt and crying. Like an asshole. I left her… I said such cruel shit to her that I didn’t even mean…. I was pissed and lashing out, so stupid, so fucking wrong. All I keep seeing is her face, begging me not to leave her and it’s ripping my insides out. I left her, I said I would never. I hurt her, again… This is because of me if I stayed, or kept her with me, then…. if anything happens to her…..I can’t forgive myself for this.” His voice is like the night he took me to the garden after Leila’s party, wrecked and torn, obviously overcome with emotion. Broken like he was when he got on his knees to stop me from leaving.

He sounds alien and my throat catches with so much raw emotion it chokes me, and I can’t call out. Edging further towards them while holding back tears at how much pain my boy is in, because of me. I made him like this, and I can’t control how much it hurts me, ripping my insides out as I cover my mouth with my hand to muffle my sob.

“You didn’t know this would happen. You can’t think that way, you have to tell yourself she’s going to be okay. It was a fight, nothing more Arry…. You’ll see her again and you’ll fix things.” I walk towards them, hoping to catch their attention, unable to say anything, emotion rendering my throat mute, and strangling me. I hate that he thinks this is his fault. It crushes my insides with so much guilt because it’s not.

how much I love her and wouldn’t be able to live without her. If they do anything to her. I’ll kill every fucking one of them with my bare hands.” He breaks and seems to cry as Jake pulls him into his chest, a proper embrace as he breaks down

me as I get to the door and the relief flushes through his face instantly. I almost see him visibly slump too, those green eyes a little red rimmed and intense as he frowns at me with a half-smile and inhales

himself that I am real. I have never seen him in so much pain, and it breaks what’s left of me as he comes at me

crosses toward me at speed and scoops me into his arms so fast I can’t react. He wraps himself

strength of his embrace and hug him back tightly. Clinging on desperately, while Arrick almost crushes me with need, finally in the one place I have longed to be all

him to this. I can feel the wetness

baby. I’m sorry…. So goddamn sorry.” He gasps between quick inhales, crushing me a little so much, that I’m finding it hard to breathe, but I don’t protest. His hands cup my face as he pulls me hard against his mouth, kissing my cheek and eye and jaw clumsily, planting lips anywhere that comes in contact and showering me with heartfelt adoration of a crazy person. He lets go to slide me to my own feet to wrap his arms back around me again and squeezes

how it feels. I don’t mind the bone cracking, as long as he doesn’t hate me anymore. Obviously still loves me if

cry, silent tears and cling on desperately, every part of me cocooned in the one safe place I never want to leave ever again.

Knowing that I mean this much to him, that he loves me this much; even when I’ve been awful and violent and undeserving of it. I have never seen him this way with anyone else,

or even a graceful kiss, more a pushed on me, forced, ‘I am so relieved to have you back’, sort of kiss. Every part of his face squished to mine and his arms makes their way back around me to squeeze the life out of me once more. This time he wraps them around my shoulders and head like he wants to force us into one and never be separated again. I’m starting to think he might crush me to death, it’s obvious he still hasn’t quite gotten control of his inner emotions and isn’t aware how indelicate he

hold enough for Jake to slide me out of his arms a

me a full proper embrace, squeezing me too and then kisses me on the forehead as he lets me go, less crushingly so and using his sleeve to wipe his own eyes which are leaking a little manly moisture too. Seems I can

big tough Carreros to

back to his circle of proximity and litters my skin with small kisses as he goes. He seems completely lost and focusing on tasks and touching, while he pulls

I’m no longer awake or

recaptured by Arrick pulling me into every inch of his body, so his face is against my cheek and wraps himself like an octopus around me. Returning to death by forced hugs and pretty sure he’s going to crack ribs this time. Jake smiles at him in a very endearing ‘my

eyes scanning it and face scowling to that age old Carrero glare. Anger spiking that

me that it hurts like a MOFO by the way!” I giggle, through tears, somewhere in relief and disbelief that this has even been my day so far. No pain from my hand anymore and I guess because I am still high on adrenalin and know I will crash later. I’m dreading the later

the seriousness of the last few hours and both stare at me with so many mixed emotions. Jake is

how it came to be, and we never brought it up after we found each other again. I guess two

a jealous

and kissing any part of my face or head he gets near. Repeatedly checking that I’m okay by smoothing his hands and eyes over me, assessing, checking obsessively. It feels good. Safe. Needed. Like I’m in