The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

I walk out of the bathroom, draped in his fluffy robe, free of grime, city smells and chaos. Refreshed by the shower I told him I needed to take alone, and I feel less surreal. I needed some head space to process this stuff, and even though he was reluctant to let me out of his sight, he agreed, as long as I knew he would be charging in if I took too long. I didn’t doubt he would.

He’s sat on the bed when I walk out, backed up against the headboard, his phone in his hand and his knees propped up holding it. He sees me and slides his legs down, leaning over to put his phone on his docking station and motions for me to come to him, with complete exhaustion on that face. I climb up on the bed without hesitation, shimmy into his open arms, curling up beside him to sit up against his chest and snuggle into muscles that fit so perfectly around me.

“Your friend is okay, she’s in the hospital under Alexi’s care. He says not to worry about her anymore.” Arry cuddles me in, kisses the top of my head and I nod, filled with relief and getting some comfort for that at least. I don’t want to talk about her. I just want my day to feel normal, like none of this happened at all.

“You decided to camp on your bed and wait for me?” I ask, blinking up at him with a smile. He looks normal now. like he’s washed his face, calmed down his inner chaos and even his hair. He has fresh clothes on too, and it’s only now I realize that he had been wearing last night’s clothes when I walked in here earlier. Arrick was never the type to fall to pieces and neglect his appearance like that; it reinforces everything I mean to him and I’m hit with that gut aching gnaw of guilt that I could ever doubt that.

“I wanted to be close to you… In case you needed me.” He gazes back seriously and I’m glad to see that he seems more pulled together and back to calm and cool. He is back to being my Arry, stable and chilled, hiding the war of emotions he keeps below the surface and I finally feel more at peace. He’s my stability, my constant level, and when he falls apart then I suddenly don’t know how to be. I never realized before how much I need that side of him to be this way.

“You’re lame.” I sigh and turn my face, so I can snuggle against his heartbeat, listening to its lulling rhythm, so utterly drained. I know there’s a world of stuff we should say to each other and that I should apologize.

“I know, baby…. You make me lame though. I really know how to make a mess of everything when it comes to you. I couldn’t live without you, Sophie.” My heart tugs at the sudden raw way it comes out of his mouth and his eyes narrow a little as he fights back fresh emotions. I sigh heavily, my heart aching with so much between us, closing my eyes, using his steady breathing and heartbeat to keep me grounded and hope all this intensity will float away and leave us back to being how we were, before any of last night or this morning happened. I want to forget all of it.

“I’m sorry about last night. About how I acted, the things I said.” there’s that familiar tug in my throat, the inability to talk about this without getting close to tears. All I did in the car coming here, was think about how stupid I was, how horribly I acted and how wrong I was to lay hands on him.

okay, it’s never okay and I wonder if I need to go back to my counsellor to readdress the anger issues. The impulsive need in me to lash out

maneuver me to sit up too, so we’re face to face as he strokes my cheek, brushing back my damp hair and focusing his eyes on mine. “You have nothing to be sorry for, baby… I did all of that. I made last night happen. It was all my fault, all of it,

bitch, Arrick.” I look away, but he tilts my face back by the chin. Not letting me

is all I thought about when I was walking the streets of New York trying to find you. I came back, Sophs, got to my apartment and thought, ‘what the fuck am I doing?’ I realized that I left you, after telling you a million times I never would, and hightailed right back to you, baby. I ran all the way, because I knew I was wasting time looking for a cab, feeling like the biggest asshole going and knowing I was just fucking things up more than I have already. Losing you all over again.” He narrows his eyes, furrows his brows and nudges his nose a little closer, wanting

we even got here. If I hadn’t acted that way then he would have told me about Miami, while

how it makes me look

try to defend him against himself, truly adoring him in every way and hating that he’s trying to blame himself for everything. He can’t dismiss the fact I attacked her and him last night. I know I have responsibility in this too,

many girls get attacked in the city every day, so he flew out to help look. I must have called you twenty times and begged you to answer. I called Christian and Jenny too and no

times.” I giggle, tears in my eyes and

answer him honestly, untangling myself from him and managing to sit up properly, overheated from his embrace while

would, not expecting that I would. It’s proof that I’m not making you feel like you’re all that matters to me. That I’m failing to make you believe that I will always come back for you. No matter what, no matter the fight. I was pissed and drunk, thinking like an asshole…. All it took was walking into this apartment without you and I realized how wrong this all was. I love you…More than I can ever express, because I don’t know how else to say it. Those three words don’t seem to be enough for the level of emotion I have for you. I’ll never stop loving you, no matter how mad we get at each other. You make me better, you complete my life; without you, Sophie, I don’t know how to breathe or just be. I need you more than you will ever know.” The intensity of those soft brown

he doesn’t see how ashamed I am for everything I do to him. He tugs at my hand as he gets up on his knees and faces me, sliding

and brushes a thumb across my mouth, bringing my eyes back to him. “I text Natasha and told her I’m done with her. To stay away and leave me alone. I saw another side to this whole thing last night, saw a side to her that I never knew existed and it made me realize that I’m hurting you for a girl that isn’t worth the effort. She’s gone, she’s not going to be an issue and I blocked her cell number, so she can’t even respond.” He searches my gaze for a reaction and I’m overwhelmed suddenly. That he would do that for me, even though I never asked him to. Wanted it for so long but knew my reasons were so selfish, yet he’s done it anyway. My eyes fill with

softly, more tears slide over my cheek, he lifts my chin, brushes it away