The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

I walk out of the bathroom, draped in his fluffy robe, free of grime, city smells and chaos. Refreshed by the shower I told him I needed to take alone, and I feel less surreal. I needed some head space to process this stuff, and even though he was reluctant to let me out of his sight, he agreed, as long as I knew he would be charging in if I took too long. I didn’t doubt he would.

He’s sat on the bed when I walk out, backed up against the headboard, his phone in his hand and his knees propped up holding it. He sees me and slides his legs down, leaning over to put his phone on his docking station and motions for me to come to him, with complete exhaustion on that face. I climb up on the bed without hesitation, shimmy into his open arms, curling up beside him to sit up against his chest and snuggle into muscles that fit so perfectly around me.

“Your friend is okay, she’s in the hospital under Alexi’s care. He says not to worry about her anymore.” Arry cuddles me in, kisses the top of my head and I nod, filled with relief and getting some comfort for that at least. I don’t want to talk about her. I just want my day to feel normal, like none of this happened at all.

“You decided to camp on your bed and wait for me?” I ask, blinking up at him with a smile. He looks normal now. like he’s washed his face, calmed down his inner chaos and even his hair. He has fresh clothes on too, and it’s only now I realize that he had been wearing last night’s clothes when I walked in here earlier. Arrick was never the type to fall to pieces and neglect his appearance like that; it reinforces everything I mean to him and I’m hit with that gut aching gnaw of guilt that I could ever doubt that.

“I wanted to be close to you… In case you needed me.” He gazes back seriously and I’m glad to see that he seems more pulled together and back to calm and cool. He is back to being my Arry, stable and chilled, hiding the war of emotions he keeps below the surface and I finally feel more at peace. He’s my stability, my constant level, and when he falls apart then I suddenly don’t know how to be. I never realized before how much I need that side of him to be this way.

“You’re lame.” I sigh and turn my face, so I can snuggle against his heartbeat, listening to its lulling rhythm, so utterly drained. I know there’s a world of stuff we should say to each other and that I should apologize.

“I know, baby…. You make me lame though. I really know how to make a mess of everything when it comes to you. I couldn’t live without you, Sophie.” My heart tugs at the sudden raw way it comes out of his mouth and his eyes narrow a little as he fights back fresh emotions. I sigh heavily, my heart aching with so much between us, closing my eyes, using his steady breathing and heartbeat to keep me grounded and hope all this intensity will float away and leave us back to being how we were, before any of last night or this morning happened. I want to forget all of it.

“I’m sorry about last night. About how I acted, the things I said.” there’s that familiar tug in my throat, the inability to talk about this without getting close to tears. All I did in the car coming here, was think about how stupid I was, how horribly I acted and how wrong I was to lay hands on him.

it’s never okay and I wonder if I need to go back to my counsellor to readdress the anger issues. The impulsive need in me to

“You have nothing to be sorry for, baby… I did all of that. I made

but he tilts my face back by the chin. Not letting

York trying to find you. I came back, Sophs, got to my apartment and thought, ‘what the fuck am I doing?’ I realized that I left you, after telling you a million times I never would, and hightailed right back to you, baby. I ran all the way, because I knew I was wasting time looking for a cab, feeling like the biggest asshole going and knowing I was just fucking things up more than I have already. Losing you all over again.” He narrows his eyes, furrows his brows and nudges his nose a little closer, wanting me

haven’t been fucking things up, I have. By being insecure, jealous, and stupid whenever she calls you.” I answer softly, full of regret and hating that is how we even got here. If I hadn’t acted that way then he would have told me about Miami, while he was still there. He would have kept me dancing after arguing with Miranda and then we

one of being with you, I should have told you about Miami as soon as she showed up. I was wrong and didn’t put myself in your head. I kept thinking doing the right thing was how to play it and all I was doing was making it harder for you to trust me again. I’ll never keep anything from you again, I swear. I need to stop putting my own stupid ideas over what you need from me, stop thinking about how it makes me look and start realizing it hurts you. All of this is because of me, last night was the climax to you holding it all in for weeks. I know you, you’re not irrational and jealous with other women I know… Just her. It should have been a neon sign that I needed to do a better job at making you feel loved

defend him against himself, truly adoring him in every way and hating that he’s trying to blame himself

and the thought of how many girls get attacked in the city every day, so he flew out to help look. I must have called you twenty times and begged you to answer. I called Christian and Jenny too and no one knew where you were.” He squeezes me a little tighter, lost in memory

my eyes and he smiles too, breaking that

cell on silent as I really didn’t think you would call or even come back. I didn’t know you were looking for me. I thought you were done.” I answer him honestly, untangling myself from him and managing to sit

like an asshole…. All it took was walking into this apartment without you and I realized how wrong this all was. I love you…More than I can ever express, because I don’t know how else to say it. Those three words don’t seem to be enough for the level of emotion I have for you. I’ll never stop loving you, no matter how mad we get at each other. You make me better, you complete my life; without you, Sophie, I don’t know how to breathe or just be. I need you more than you will ever know.” The intensity of those soft brown eyes locked on mine take my breath away, tears rolling down my chin

me. I know that sometimes I make it impossible to love me.” I look away from him, so he doesn’t see how ashamed I am for everything I do to him. He tugs

when you’re acting out and getting hellcat on me. I love you so much it rips my head apart.” He strokes my cheek and brushes a thumb across my mouth, bringing my eyes back to him. “I text Natasha and told her I’m done with her. To stay away and leave me alone. I saw another side to this whole thing last night, saw a side to her that I never knew existed and it made me realize that I’m hurting you for a girl that isn’t worth the effort. She’s gone, she’s not going to be an issue and

whisper softly, more tears slide over my cheek, he lifts my chin, brushes it