The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

“Don’t talk to me” I yell at him as he walks into the bedroom and turns and walks straight back out with a frown and a sigh, doing his best not to fight with me again. We have been fighting all day about everything and nothing and I am being my crazy, irrational self-right now, who doesn’t want to converse or touch in any way. Good old Sophie is reverting inside her head to deal with this shit and Arry is on the verge of some sort of silent mental break down.

Feeling enraged, crazy upset that this is ruining everything for us. My head’s a chaos of mess and conflicting thoughts and fear.

A baby, a real live little human being inside of me, that we put there, and it screws everything up. I can’t go home unless by land and sea and Arry would never be okay with that long-haul journey. He wants me to stay put until I can fly again, stay put when he goes back to our city to finish the last weeks of his ties to his family business and leave me here again. Stuck in this hellhole that I want to see the back of and go home.

It ruins my last term of school, our wedding plans, my life, everything.

What the hell am I supposed to do with a little person? I don’t even know if I like babies.

I barely take care of myself, Arry does everything and makes sure my life runs as smoothly as it can. He has no clue how to take care of a baby either and I don’t want to have to go through this.

Pregnancy… Birth!

Watching Emma give birth was the single most terrifying thing in my life and did not look pleasant or do-able at all.

What the hell are we going to do?

Arrick reappears carrying a tray and a grim expression and slides it on the bed by my feet. Not saying a word, just a determined expression to handle his ‘moody little Madame’ without causing another Armageddon. Everything he has said since this morning has set me off and I feel like howling into a cushion for the rest of the day.

We didn’t sleep. We sat numb and silent for a long time and then I cried, a lot. Arrick tried to console me, which riled me, and we sort of grew from bickering to all-out war by the time the sun came fully up. Everything he is doing or saying right now, is making me irrationally crazy and I know it’s probably because I am mid meltdown. We handle things differently. I need space to vent, scream, pace and process. Arry is more of the smother me and talk it out type and right now, we are so not on the same page. I’m exhausted. I want the chaos of my head and moods to stop and give me a five-minute break.

He places the food laden tray carefully down, although I almost kick it off when I see he has switched my normal junk munchies for health food and fruit juice and glare at him coolly.

“Don’t you dare.” I stare at the tray and then him as he sighs heavily.

“You’re pregnant… That means you need to eat better, Sophs.”

“Don’t start with this shit… I can’t handle any more on top of this and I just want a Pepsi and a huge tub of Ben and Jerrys right now.” I balk at him, but he ignores me and sits down beside the tray looking detached from reality. Arry is processing, it’s all over that face and knowing him he has a million thoughts, that are crazily over dramatic, running through that clever little head right now.

“We have to accept that this is our reality… It’s happening, and we can do this. We weren’t ready, we’re in shock … but… We can do this, Sophs. We have good families, a great support network, money to hire help, and a million options for us.” He’s in calm and controlled, taking charge mode, and I flop back against the cushions in defeat. Heart exploding in my chest with the pressure of all this on top of me.

“Yeah option one. Sophie gets dumped in France for two months while Arry fucks off back to New York and starts changing everything in readiness for a baby… I know you. I’ll come back to a completely different home and life and hate it even more.” Tears start biting and I stare at the ceiling in heartbreak. This changes everything and it’s only the beginning.

“I won’t change anything until your home, but you can’t fly, and I do have to go back for a little while. Not the whole two months. Just a couple of weeks to see the end of these contracts and merger meetings and then I am done with all of it. I gave my father that.” He sounds tired, looks exhausted and suddenly, I feel so small and feeble and want him to make this all go away for me.

But he can’t.

Because I’m pregnant.

Shit.

“This isn’t how it was supposed to be.” The tears hit hard and my voice breaks and seems to snap Arry out of his trance like state. Closing my eyes tight and covering my face as I let loose; within seconds he’s beside me on the bed wrapping me up in his body and holding me close.

“I know, baby. It’s not how I imagined it would be either, not how I thought I would react, but it’s filtering in and I can’t say that I’m not happy about this. It’s still our baby, Sophs. A part of us, something we made together.” He sounds soft and soothing and I can tell he is slowly warming to the idea in full blown Arry manner. Letting it sink in and dissecting all possible outcomes like the weirdo he is.

Arry likes kids, he’s good with his nieces and nephews and I know he wants kids one day, well now, so it’s easier for him to accept. It won’t change his life in the way it will change mine. He still gets to go about his business, do his thing and not experience anything until I pop out a brat.

I don’t even like children that much, well, except ones related to me, but they don’t count.

God knows what that will do to my hatchling hole. I mean pushing out an Ava sized bundle from down there, when even Arry’s manhood is a tight fit. What the hell kind of black magic is that?

He will never want to have sex with me again if its baby sized for eternity. It won’t even touch the sides.

Oh my god, we will never be alone ever again to even have sex or do anything remotely kinky. What am I supposed to do with a little person by my side every second? I’m too selfish a girl and too self-absorbed for that kind of shit. What does one even do with a little bundle of mini Arrick, twenty-four hours a day?

“Stop crying, Sophs… It’s going to be okay. We are going to be okay.” Arrick is squeezing me half to death as the tears keep falling, but it’s making me angrier with all the dumb thoughts going off in my head.

for you to say, you don’t have to get fat and weird and turn into a hormonal psycho who then has to push a human out of their body.” I blurt it out and sniff

even act like an adult while having a fight with my future

his voice at his asshole remark makes me snap up to see him smirking, actual fucking smiling

Sometimes I really hate you.” I shove him in the abs, but

be a hellish few months, knowing you, and your diva ways. You should be nice to me right now, baby, even with the amount of patience and understanding I have for you… I can’t promise I won’t want to strangle you by the end of this.” He’s smiling again and I snarl like a feral

worst thing ever.” Enraged, losing my

think of a lot worse things. Come on, Sophs… Look at Jake and Emma. They

throw his arms free, so I can get away and roll off the bed to the opposite side. “Stop trying to make me think this is okay when

know you’re freaking out right now, being stroppy Sophie and having an all-out tantrum. Give it a few days and you’ll start to see it this way too.”

lounging on the bed. Unaffected by my crazy. Either he has processed this crazily fast or he’s drunk on shock and acting like a weirdo. He

motions a little finger wiggle at me, a half smile,

to

throw a second cushion at him, only this time I hear him chuckle as he

boy are we on

you up anymore either, huh?” He appears at the bedroom door behind me and dodges the cushion from the couch I throw at him too. Rage

Ass fucking hole!

pace around and look for things to throw at him to make me feel better. In my head this is all his fault… his seed, his sex, his seductive ways, and right now blaming him is

don’t want

grins, and I swear if I knew throwing a glass vase

I sulk and know my fire is dying, to be replaced with fatigue. The ounces of energy and strength in my voice are fading. Being up all night is not good for me at any time, especially not when I have

you haven’t thrown my ring at me, then I’m guessing that’s a good sign.” He

the hell is wrong with

snarl, and frown all at the same

always loved seeing you like this.” He grins this time, like a Cheshire cat and I sigh

between my knees in bewilderment. Arry comes and sits

hire help, continue

my head up and glare at him

home twiddling my thumbs. I need to go to school. I want to go to school and still reach for

if New York will be willing to take you on for a few months and

doing that!” I snap losing my fragile temper once more and this

We can’t just bury our head in the sand with this.” He’s keeping his voice gentle, his eyes on me and

Dickhead.

curl up into a ball in the corner of the couch. Being my cute, little spit ball, difficult Sophie, self, that

whole lot more when I was moving on from my past and like he’s being

need to head back to the city so soon.” I know that’s code for I may look calm, but I’m not, and I need to go get my brother to talk me down from jumping off a ledge and maybe hold my hand. I wish he didn’t feel the need to be so pulled together in front of me. I want him to be like I’m being, to freak out with me like he was in the first few minutes. I need him to

away, you’re making me worse.” I slap the hand off me that comes to my thigh

him like this, Baby. Give me a little break, please.”

hand slap before retreating in the direction of the hall with an indulgent look back

Ughhh.

I’m fucking pregnant.

the ground would open and swallow me

his crappy food platter of all things wholesome is calling to me, whether I want to admit it or not. I get up and slink to the bedroom in search of nourishment and close the door behind

***

extract from my

fruit and three tubs of ice cream, Sophs.” He yanks it free and pulls the spoon

didn’t want snails.” I

were mushrooms and it’s called real food. You didn’t touch anything either of us made you all

to lose the rag with me. He’s tried to give me space and I tried

paired up. I have seriously no maternal instinct, no great beginning in life to show

You’re coming to the kitchen to eat and then I’m showering you and getting you out of this bed.” Arry yanks me by the ankle and sends me flying backwards to land on my back on the bed, which is now a little food

because I told him I was going to castrate him in his sleep if he even tried. He is getting the full brunt of the blame now. I don’t care if I am being a psychopath.

this morning and even that made me irrationally insane