The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

“Now we’re done eating how about I get out all the stuff I have planned for your wedding and we go through it, there’s a ton you still need to agree to and oversee. Arrick’s been great at responding… When you won’t, but I need your input.” Leila blinks at me across the dinner table as the twins high tail it after their father for the TV room, squealing like crazy because he promised them a transformers movie marathon and popcorn. Leila seems glad to have her two hurricanes leave her alone for a little while and looks overwrought and a tad frazzled tonight.

I never doubted my sister loves her kids, but I don’t see them having anymore. Two boys with Leila’s spirit, and Daniel’s ADHD, is enough for any family to handle. Daniel seems content too, he loves his boys and I think they have their happy number.

“How about, not right now?” I try to avoid the topic, heart sinking at even the thought of a wedding and fish for my cell to text Christian back. We have been texting on and off since he came to Paris and tonight he wants to know why he just saw Arry going solo for dinner with Nathan, Jenny, Jason and Claire, when he knows I am back in the states. I mute my phone and slide it back into my bag. I’ll call him later and try and palm him off with some plausible reason.

“Right… Screw this… Tell me what the fuck is going on! Arrick had to go back to the city for work? … Fine, I get that lame excuse. For days though, without coming back here once? I know him, Sophie. It’s only an hour on the jet here, and Jake and Giovanni come home every night. He would come with them if you two were okay… In fact, if you were okay you wouldn’t still be here, because home is not a place you hang around when he’s not here.” Leila shocks me out of my distraction with her outburst and I instantly tense.

I sigh and drop my face on the table groaning, because I know what’s coming and denial is futile. Leila is like a blood hound even on a bad day. Lying never gets by her and evasion gets you physically assaulted. I love my sister, but sometimes she is terrifying.

“Leave me alone… We’re fine, we don’t need to live in each other’s pockets all the time.” I try for petulance and moody teen, but it gets me a bread roll thrown at my head.

“Really? Two years of Arrick and Sophie conjoined twins … In fact, eight years of that, then suddenly you two are sleeping apart. What gives? Please tell me there IS still a wedding to be had?” She seems furious and it riles me because this is my damn life and I am sick of everyone thinking they can control it and me. When are they all going to give me some credit and realize we have been happily living together, well sort of happily, for the last two years. We can handle our own problems.

Can we?

“Look, I don’t know okay. Paris made everything shitty and right now… I don’t need this bullshit, Leila.” I snap at her and get up angrily from the table almost knocking her house maid over in the process as she tries to pick up plates. I mumble an apology and help right the pile in her hand that’s leaning dangerously.

“So, are you even together anymore?” Leila is homing in on me, wide eyed and I guess shocked at the turn in this nice evening dinner and I pull my jacket on.

“Yes… Sort of. Wedding… I don’t know… Talking about this? Nope… Goodnight, Leila.” I make to go for the door, and she is after me faster than a panther, grabbing my wrist before I get out safely. Spinning me to her with amazing strength for a short ass.

“Why, Sophie… What did he do? Do I need to hurt him?” Leila looks tearful and I know this isn’t just sadness for me. She adores Arrick like a kid brother, so this bites her on both ends. I never thought how much Arry and I falling apart could affect the rest of them, but I now see how it would go. Our parents, our families, they are all so intertwined that us breaking would change the whole dynamic. We may be two bloodlines, but the Huntsbergers and the Carreros consider each other family.

“Nothing… I … I feel trapped and hemmed in. Not by him, but kinda by him… I can’t explain it. I need space, Leila. Trust me… I know what I will lose, I still love him just as much. Can you not hit me with wedding stuff until my feet are more firmly planted back here in the US of A. I’ve barely been back five minutes and I need to acclimatize to American soil once more.” I don’t give her any more time to harass me, turning to head out but she is relentless.

in desperation, knowing she has me running and

some faith in me. Kiss the boys goodbye.” I move fast before she catches me, and I’m halfway out to the front door of her gorgeous hallway

I head out across the lawn for home. I’m staying in my old room and I know that I should face up to why I even wanted to be here tomorrow and speak to my mom. I need to get

***

now, yet it’s been mild, and the sea looks unnervingly calm at this early hour. I pull my jacket around me a little more, against the cold wind and watch the curl and crash of waves as the tide moves in again. Letting all the sounds of nature overtake my brain

no reason. A few hours of crazy dreams where I woke up sweating and panting and calling out Arrick’s name. I don’t recall what it was about, only that I felt like sobbing when I came around and ever since all I have wanted is his presence. I’m restless, achy, and still with the damn morning nausea that hasn’t begun

no idea if that means something or if I am over-thinking and all of this is my body not even close to recovering and completely normal. I

was before six a.m. and headed out with no real plan in mind this morning. It’s funny that even after all these years my feet took me the well beaten path that Arry used to take almost every weekend for something to do. Down to the beach to wander around and watch the sea.

I miss him.

in asking him to go but the lack of texts or calls from him have hurt me. There

silence, but I want to be surer of what I am doing before I breach the subject with him again. I don’t want to walk back into bickering and fighting.

has drained away and I am back to feeling lost. Like back before I was his and

on Arry’s presence because of the devastating loneliness, has begun to recede in being here only a couple of days. I’m more like myself in simple ways, and I know that this time around my

time after being gone a year. He’s not stupid though, he’s choosing to not pry until I’m ready to tell him. Jenny has been less frequent with her calls and texts, not

sadness, the anger, and the numbness. Emma was right. I maybe went into denial and shock at finding out I was pregnant, but deep down my heart invested anyway and I am grieving. I cannot deny that anymore. I’m sad because it was real, it was a part of both of us inside of me and I let it slip away. I had one job, that was to protect our

guilt is

My pain is real.

***

hunger and coldness call me back along the beach, I hear arguing when I close the front door behind

listening to the raised voices down the hall in a closed room. It’s hard not to hear it when two people are screaming at one

my brothers voice and she nods nervously and scurries off to hang up my belongings. Olivia is a shy and quiet girl that is about my