The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

“What are you doing, Kiddo?” Jake nudges me in the side as he comes up beside me on the wooden bench, where I have been watching their kids play together from afar. Sat in the far end of their beautiful gardens under the shade of the trees.

Arrick left. I don’t know if he drove one of his family cars back to the city or hopped on a flight, but all I know is he is gone and has been for a couple of hours.

“Sitting in your garden” I clear my throat and avoid eye contact, knowing fine well what he means.

“Breaking up with the guy you want to marry and sending him packing? We both know you can’t survive without him, so I am asking again… What are you doing?” Jake slides his legs out casually and stretches beside me, occupying way too much space to ignore him and I sink back beside him with a huge sigh.

“Trying to get though whatever this is, alone for once. To stop needing other people to help fix me.” I avoid him, even though I can feel those green eyes zoned in on the side of my face. Studying me with that quick brain and picking me apart. A Carrero trait that is a little annoying at times.

“So, sending home my little brother in a complete mess, thinking he’s lost the only girl who will ever make him happy… Probably has his head in his shiny oven right now.” Jake nudges me playfully and even though I know he’s trying to get to me with humor, it cuts a little close to the bone.

Arrick probably is a mess. I know him, how much he loves me and that’s half the problem. He is suffocating me with it.

“If I didn’t make him think it was a breakup … He wouldn’t have gone. I need space right now. Arrick isn’t good at space when all his care giver cylinders are firing full throttle.”

That’s an understatement.

“So, you send him off single and broken-hearted back to the city to spend the next week with a busty PA who practically undresses in front of him at every opportunity… Smooth move.” He chuckles and shoulders me as I spin to him in a flash of fury, insane instant jealousy as my breath and heart stop simultaneously and a fire engulfs me. I catch him grinning at me and gawp in reaction.

“You’re an asshole… Why would you say that to me?” I balk, slapping him hard across the shoulder a tad aggressively. He laughs at my feeble assault and shrugs.

“Just checking you still love him.” He winks, and I glare harder.

“If she lays one fucking finger on him…” I grind out murderously, seething inwardly with a picture of that bitch in my mind’s eye. Even the thought makes me feel sick and Jake shoves me.

“He’s single, isn’t he? … You don’t have a say really.” He’s trying to get to me, because Jake can be an ass and he thinks he can play me into running home after Arrick, but it will fix nothing. All he is doing is making me feel crazy frantic and insecure about what he might do now we’re not together.

is technically true makes me feel ill to my stomach. I don’t even want to think that he could or would do

as I start to cry, and

took a firm grip of his heart. Will he be stupid enough to go home, get drunk and try to punch his heartbreak out? Most likely… Sex with his

little splintered splices of pain and head a mess with this

my face against his chest in a fatherly way, kissing me on top of my hair

I’m jealous about her, didn’t he?” I swallow down

he wanted you to know you had nothing to worry about, and that he is still infatuated with you. Arry understands why it’s left you a little sensitive.” He kicks his feet out on the grass and sinks lower, pulling me with him so he’s comfier and I end up with a face full of Jake bicep in the process. I wriggle and squirm to get free, but he doesn’t relent until I end up pushing his arm back down out of my way. Over the years I have learned to trust him like a second father, and I know he would

think I should watch her, mistrust her?” I glance up at him sideways, still trying to get comfortable, wondering how much he actually notices with working beside them. I feel awful for asking, like I’m snooping on Arry, but this is something which has crossed my mind a few times. Jake sits thoughtfully for a few seconds and gazes at his kids across the lawn. A small hint of a smile as he watches them play. Fatherly pride that

he felt working with her crossed any

I have doubts she tried until it was too late. I know I’m trying to deflect my mind to something pointless and I sigh heavily at everything. “My head is way messy. I have no clue what to think or feel lately, about anything.” Her aside. I am so

and I think time apart might not be the best idea, but if it’s what you think you need then I’m here if you need me. Emma is here to talk, when you’re ready and even though your family

and stare blankly back at the garden. Mia is throwing sand over Lucas, who seems to be encouraging it, and Ava

Kids are weird.

lean on other people, I stayed to get head space and not talk this out with other people. Well my mom; I have yet to find the courage to go and do it. We have never had the kind of relationship where I confide in her and

too. It’s easy to rock up and cry on them because he paves the way by doing all the hard talking first. I sometimes wish I was more like him, in his willingness to talk things out with people he trusts and respects. My initial reaction is to internalize and then eventually let Arrick coax it out of me. I’m not good

to be more like him. Open up to Jake, seeing as he seems willing to be my ear right

It was all intense from the get-go… The baby’s needs, Arrick wants… It wasn’t about me at all! I had no say in anything, no control, and now I want to be able to take some time to think about

brushed them aside without really taking them into account, because he thought you

loved died in our lifetimes, so we have never had to handle any sort of sadness in that way. At no time have we both needed

shit… He’s right. He deserves a medal for the way he deals with me sometimes. I know I’m not easy.” I sniff again, remorse eating away inside of me about how I have treated him. How often he puts up or shuts up and let’s my moods or tantrums go. He does way too much for me and what do I give back to him? Attitude, grief. Arry should have run from me a long time ago. It aches knowing that I have been so self-absorbed and spoiled for so long that I disregard the way I sometimes push him around. I guess I never thought before of how selfish I am

He deals with you the way you need, it’s natural for him. You two have always effortlessly seemed to know how to cohabit and adjust accordingly. That’s rare.” Jake squeezes me again and then loosens his hold a little, so I can sit up again, and he keeps his arm around my shoulder. I watch Mia in the sand pit showing her siblings how to turn out a little castle from a pink bucket

of knowing or being what each

a way to get through it. Deep down you do still know each other, you’re both blinded by your own pain right now. Hold onto how you feel about him and

to keep that in my

to make me crazy sometimes, but he’s perfect for me. I give him such a hard time and I don’t mean to. Arrick could have chosen any other girl in the world and had an easier life than the one he has with me.” It’s a