The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

Arrick hands me water and helps me sit up on the bed to take a drink before laying me back down.

“I’m sorry” I say for the hundredth time since he picked me up and carried me back to bed and tucked me in. He’s spent the last two minutes sweeping off petals and pushing stuff off the bedside to lay a bowl from my bathroom for me and feels my head with the back of his hand.

“For throwing up? Don’t be … It’s not your fault you’re sick.” He seems a little odd as he says it and I catch a flicker run across his face. My stomach drops that after all the effort he made in here, I destroyed it all. He’s disappointed, I know he is.

I am. I’m devastated.

“What is it? Are you upset because I ruined our wedding night?” I catch his arm and pull him back to me needily as he lays my glass down. Hating that I could ruin our special day in this way.

“It’s just sex, Sophs, we can have plenty of that when you feel better. You haven’t ruined anything.” He runs his thumb across my bottom lip and leans in to kiss me on the cheek gently. Trying to show me he’s not upset, that it’s okay. Meanwhile, I’m gutted.

“Then what is it?” I catch his fingers and pull his hand to my chest, now covered by a satin sheet, tucked under my armpits as I lay here looking up at him.

“It’s nothing, ignore me.” He brushes my hair from my face and places a damp cloth on my head to cool my sudden flash fever that started when I threw up.

“Arrick don’t … Talk to me, you’re making me anxious.” I sit upright and have to grab his arm as another bout of dizziness hits me from sitting too fast. He steadies me, pulls me against his arm to keep me upright and then rubs his face nervously. Looking me over as he takes the same damp rag that fell between us and throws it back on the bedside table. He looks wary and unsure and my stomach tightens with nerves.

He is mad at me.

“It’s just… The last couple of weeks…” He trails off and shakes his head like he can’t believe he’s saying this out loud. It only hitches my tension and I watch him obsessively, trying to figure out his head.

“What? Spit it out.” I snap in frustration at him and feel antsy with how he is being. I have no clue where this is coming from as he has said nothing to me in the last couple of weeks about me being anything. We’ve been getting on fine, despite wedding plans and all that crap. He is springing this out of nowhere and now he has me imagining the absolute worse.

Does he regret the wedding? Marrying me? Is that what this is? Doubts now he’s starting to sober a little and reality is setting in.

He sighs heavily, scans my face, and must see how distraught he is making me. I’m close to hysteria.

“You still seem pregnant, and this… Tonight. It got me thinking that’s all.”

What?

I recoil as though he has slapped me, and I gawp like he’s lost his mind. Words falling out of my mouth defensively.

“We haven’t had sex since, Arrick. How could I be pregnant?” I stare at him in stupefaction. I have no words for that level of absurdity coming out of him. He is clearly over intoxicated and it’s dumbing him down. This has come completely out of left field and I do not know how to even react to this.

“I don’t know. That’s why I said ignore me.” He looks crestfallen and goes back to staring at the cloth on the table.

way he could imagine that I

would think that, and it calms my frantic thoughts

why would you think that? It’s impossible for me to fall pregnant with no sex.” I can’t think straight, head cloudy with feeling shit and trying to rationalize

dead in the eye, blood draining from me as his words start to cut me in the heart. He has no idea how deep the wounds from that day

held it. Please don’t tell me that I don’t know what I went through. Don’t make me feel like it wasn’t real.” I start to cry, falling apart at this turn in

way. Don’t cry, Sophs. I’m sorry. It’s that… You went two years of never getting sick and now in less than two months, you throw up after you drink

stupid intolerance or something. I don’t know. It’s happened twice, not like a hundred times, it could be a coincidence. Why are you doing this?” I’m getting hysterical, breaking up inside and feeling heavy with the weight of pain caving in

him stupid. Insane.

are things I can’t help seeing… Like these.” He motions at my breasts and I have to admit, the last couple weeks I had to up a bra size because they felt firmer, but it means nothing. I gained weight from sitting around sewing for two weeks and eating take out.

boobs, therefore I’m pregnant!” I snap drily, wiping my tears, but he

I have one, Sophs. I notice these things and tried to tell myself they were because

as if to say ‘Go, be more insane if you really have to’ completely blown away that we are actually arguing about this today of all days. I

Moody with everyone else except me now. Your breasts are bigger and your softening around the waist and ass enough that I actually noticed,

I can see

pickles with salad the other day and last night you sat and straight ate a family sized bag of prawn crackers. You hate them when we

have lost your ever-loving mind.” I state flatly and glare at him for

opposite way.” He seems frantic and I keep telling myself it’s because he’s really drunk. My normal clear thinking and logical Arrick is not here right now and I shouldn’t be mad for this thoughtlessness, but I can’t help it. He’s making me crazy. “Please, if I go find

like lightening and snap at

again. I know that my baby died, I was there, and maybe he’s having a harder time accepting it than I thought he was, because he wasn’t. If this is him finally coming to

today of

He’s ripping me to shreds, knowing that I did this to both of us. Arrick sits back

too coincidental.” His voice is torn and low and it stabs me with hos broken he sounds. I blanche at him and how his head works and feel utterly powerless. I know that no sex means no baby, but I can see how

I do. I get that it hurts you still, but I’m not, you need to accept it.” I am trying to keep my tone

for me.

adamant you weren’t, and you were wrong about it that time.” He takes one last attempt at pleading his case and my temper starts to

trying like crazy to curb my rage and understand that maybe this is grief talking. Gritting my teeth, adopting the tone I use to talk to Mia, while clenching my fists in the

with this and I want you to stop.” I start to cry hopelessly, letting it out in sheer desperation

my head all the time,

my heart dies a little inside. His pain on show without any masks and it ruins what’s left of me. He’s hurting and broken, and I can’t fix this for him. He needs to know so he can let it go or else he will drive himself insane with over thinking. All I can do is give him what he needs, even if it

you what I already know. I wasn’t entirely honest, Arrick. I didn’t go see a doctor when we came back and maybe I should have. I might be sick, maybe I have something going on down there and that’s why I still feel unwell, but I can promise you. We lost our baby and I am no longer pregnant.” I say it slowly as tears pour down my face and we stare at each other. Both desperate in our personal hell and as much as I

to go to hospital with me tonight. If there’s no explanation for all of it

tonight in a hospital. The test will be negative, and I swear you can take me tomorrow before we head off on our honeymoon to your family boat. Just go find somewhere

sanity and as much as I still don’t want to do this, I have to