The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

Arrick hands me water and helps me sit up on the bed to take a drink before laying me back down.

“I’m sorry” I say for the hundredth time since he picked me up and carried me back to bed and tucked me in. He’s spent the last two minutes sweeping off petals and pushing stuff off the bedside to lay a bowl from my bathroom for me and feels my head with the back of his hand.

“For throwing up? Don’t be … It’s not your fault you’re sick.” He seems a little odd as he says it and I catch a flicker run across his face. My stomach drops that after all the effort he made in here, I destroyed it all. He’s disappointed, I know he is.

I am. I’m devastated.

“What is it? Are you upset because I ruined our wedding night?” I catch his arm and pull him back to me needily as he lays my glass down. Hating that I could ruin our special day in this way.

“It’s just sex, Sophs, we can have plenty of that when you feel better. You haven’t ruined anything.” He runs his thumb across my bottom lip and leans in to kiss me on the cheek gently. Trying to show me he’s not upset, that it’s okay. Meanwhile, I’m gutted.

“Then what is it?” I catch his fingers and pull his hand to my chest, now covered by a satin sheet, tucked under my armpits as I lay here looking up at him.

“It’s nothing, ignore me.” He brushes my hair from my face and places a damp cloth on my head to cool my sudden flash fever that started when I threw up.

“Arrick don’t … Talk to me, you’re making me anxious.” I sit upright and have to grab his arm as another bout of dizziness hits me from sitting too fast. He steadies me, pulls me against his arm to keep me upright and then rubs his face nervously. Looking me over as he takes the same damp rag that fell between us and throws it back on the bedside table. He looks wary and unsure and my stomach tightens with nerves.

He is mad at me.

“It’s just… The last couple of weeks…” He trails off and shakes his head like he can’t believe he’s saying this out loud. It only hitches my tension and I watch him obsessively, trying to figure out his head.

“What? Spit it out.” I snap in frustration at him and feel antsy with how he is being. I have no clue where this is coming from as he has said nothing to me in the last couple of weeks about me being anything. We’ve been getting on fine, despite wedding plans and all that crap. He is springing this out of nowhere and now he has me imagining the absolute worse.

Does he regret the wedding? Marrying me? Is that what this is? Doubts now he’s starting to sober a little and reality is setting in.

He sighs heavily, scans my face, and must see how distraught he is making me. I’m close to hysteria.

“You still seem pregnant, and this… Tonight. It got me thinking that’s all.”

What?

I recoil as though he has slapped me, and I gawp like he’s lost his mind. Words falling out of my mouth defensively.

“We haven’t had sex since, Arrick. How could I be pregnant?” I stare at him in stupefaction. I have no words for that level of absurdity coming out of him. He is clearly over intoxicated and it’s dumbing him down. This has come completely out of left field and I do not know how to even react to this.

“I don’t know. That’s why I said ignore me.” He looks crestfallen and goes back to staring at the cloth on the table.

cheated on you?” I blurt out in complete shock, head faltering that that’s the only way he could imagine that I might be, but he sits straight immediately and grabs my hand as my eyes

Sophie. No way in fucking hell, I swear. I trust you and know what it would take to let a guy touch you the way I do. I never thought of that at all.” He looks utterly overwrought that I would think that, and it calms my frantic thoughts almost instantly. I wouldn’t, even if I could let someone else touch me that way. He is all I have ever wanted, even when

think that? It’s impossible for me to fall pregnant with no sex.” I can’t think straight, head cloudy

and look him dead in the eye, blood draining from me

what I went through. Don’t make me feel like it wasn’t real.” I start to cry, falling apart at this turn in our

never getting sick and now in less than two months, you throw up after you drink alcohol.

this?” I’m getting hysterical, breaking up inside and feeling heavy with the weight of pain

drunk is making him stupid. Insane. Grasping at

am making you upset, but there are things I can’t help seeing… Like these.” He motions at my breasts and I have to admit, the last couple weeks I had to up a bra size because they felt firmer, but it means nothing. I gained weight

I snap drily,

these things and tried to tell myself they were

‘Go, be more insane if you really have to’ completely blown away that we are actually arguing about this today of all days. I hate alcohol, I should

and your softening around the waist and ass enough that I actually noticed, not that it’s bad. You look crazy beautiful

I try to stop him, feeling deflated but he’s on a roll and I can see he is putting it together all in his head

or pickles with salad the other day and last night you sat and straight ate a family sized bag of prawn crackers. You hate them when we get Chinese food. I know it’s cliché,

I state flatly and glare at him

My normal clear thinking and logical Arrick is not here right now and I shouldn’t be mad for this thoughtlessness, but I can’t help it. He’s making me crazy. “Please, if I go find a twenty-four-hour

get up like lightening and snap at

my wedding night to appease his doubts. I know it will say negative and break my heart all over again. I know that my baby died, I was there, and maybe he’s having a harder time accepting it than I thought he was, because he wasn’t. If this is him finally coming to

of all

one thing. He’s ripping me to shreds, knowing that I did this to both of us. Arrick sits back down and looks at me with a broken expression. Taking in my face and visibly pulling himself together, like he realizes what he’s doing to our special night. What he’s doing

I guess I hoped that maybe there was a chance. I kept trying to ignore all the little signals as nothing, but tonight it seems too coincidental.” His voice is torn and low and it stabs me with hos broken he sounds. I blanche at him and how his head works and feel

I get that it hurts you still, but I’m not, you

for me. Let

weren’t, and you were wrong about it that time.” He takes one last attempt at pleading his case and my temper starts

him, but my compassionate side is trying like crazy to curb my rage and understand that maybe this is grief

We haven’t had sex; we can’t be pregnant again. Your ruining our wedding night with this and I want you to stop.” I start to cry hopelessly, letting it out in sheer desperation and he climbs on the bed

baby. I … I want our baby. It’s in my head all the time, and I hoped that you throwing

heart dies a little inside. His pain on show without any masks and it ruins what’s left of me. He’s hurting and broken, and I can’t fix this for him. He needs to know so he can let it go or else he will drive himself insane with over thinking. All

Arrick. I didn’t go see a doctor when we came back and maybe I should have. I might be sick, maybe I have something going on down there and that’s why I still feel unwell, but I can promise you. We lost our baby and I am no longer pregnant.” I say it slowly as tears pour down my face and we stare at each other. Both desperate in our personal hell and as much as I don’t want to do this, I feel like somehow, he thinks

for all of it in a test,

tomorrow before we head

much as I still don’t want to do