The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

Arrick hands me water and helps me sit up on the bed to take a drink before laying me back down.

“I’m sorry” I say for the hundredth time since he picked me up and carried me back to bed and tucked me in. He’s spent the last two minutes sweeping off petals and pushing stuff off the bedside to lay a bowl from my bathroom for me and feels my head with the back of his hand.

“For throwing up? Don’t be … It’s not your fault you’re sick.” He seems a little odd as he says it and I catch a flicker run across his face. My stomach drops that after all the effort he made in here, I destroyed it all. He’s disappointed, I know he is.

I am. I’m devastated.

“What is it? Are you upset because I ruined our wedding night?” I catch his arm and pull him back to me needily as he lays my glass down. Hating that I could ruin our special day in this way.

“It’s just sex, Sophs, we can have plenty of that when you feel better. You haven’t ruined anything.” He runs his thumb across my bottom lip and leans in to kiss me on the cheek gently. Trying to show me he’s not upset, that it’s okay. Meanwhile, I’m gutted.

“Then what is it?” I catch his fingers and pull his hand to my chest, now covered by a satin sheet, tucked under my armpits as I lay here looking up at him.

“It’s nothing, ignore me.” He brushes my hair from my face and places a damp cloth on my head to cool my sudden flash fever that started when I threw up.

“Arrick don’t … Talk to me, you’re making me anxious.” I sit upright and have to grab his arm as another bout of dizziness hits me from sitting too fast. He steadies me, pulls me against his arm to keep me upright and then rubs his face nervously. Looking me over as he takes the same damp rag that fell between us and throws it back on the bedside table. He looks wary and unsure and my stomach tightens with nerves.

He is mad at me.

“It’s just… The last couple of weeks…” He trails off and shakes his head like he can’t believe he’s saying this out loud. It only hitches my tension and I watch him obsessively, trying to figure out his head.

“What? Spit it out.” I snap in frustration at him and feel antsy with how he is being. I have no clue where this is coming from as he has said nothing to me in the last couple of weeks about me being anything. We’ve been getting on fine, despite wedding plans and all that crap. He is springing this out of nowhere and now he has me imagining the absolute worse.

Does he regret the wedding? Marrying me? Is that what this is? Doubts now he’s starting to sober a little and reality is setting in.

He sighs heavily, scans my face, and must see how distraught he is making me. I’m close to hysteria.

“You still seem pregnant, and this… Tonight. It got me thinking that’s all.”

What?

I recoil as though he has slapped me, and I gawp like he’s lost his mind. Words falling out of my mouth defensively.

“We haven’t had sex since, Arrick. How could I be pregnant?” I stare at him in stupefaction. I have no words for that level of absurdity coming out of him. He is clearly over intoxicated and it’s dumbing him down. This has come completely out of left field and I do not know how to even react to this.

“I don’t know. That’s why I said ignore me.” He looks crestfallen and goes back to staring at the cloth on the table.

that that’s the only way he could imagine that I might be, but he

that at all.” He looks utterly overwrought that I would think that, and it calms my frantic thoughts almost instantly. I wouldn’t, even if I could let someone else

to fall pregnant with no sex.” I can’t think straight, head cloudy with feeling shit and trying to rationalize where

you didn’t really lose it?” He comes back looking sheepish and I pull myself back and look him dead in the eye, blood draining from me as his words start to cut me in the heart.

real.” I start to cry, falling apart at this turn in our conversation and what he thinks I have gotten wrong. Arrick pales

that way. Don’t cry, Sophs. I’m sorry. It’s that… You went two years of never getting sick and now in less than two months, you throw up after you drink alcohol. The

know. It’s happened twice, not like a hundred times, it could be a coincidence. Why are you doing this?” I’m getting hysterical, breaking up inside and feeling heavy with the weight of pain caving

him stupid. Insane. Grasping at straws

that’s happened, I know I am making you upset, but there are things I can’t help seeing… Like these.” He motions at my breasts and I have to admit, the last couple weeks I had to up a bra size because they felt firmer, but it means nothing. I gained weight from sitting around sewing for two weeks and eating take out. I was

pregnant!” I snap drily, wiping my tears, but

I have one, Sophs. I notice these things and

up as if to say ‘Go, be more insane if you really have to’ completely blown away that we are actually arguing about this today of all days. I hate alcohol, I

eating crazy foods still. Sleeping more. Emotional and touchy. Moody with everyone else except me now. Your breasts are bigger and your softening around the waist and ass enough that I actually noticed, not that it’s

deflated but he’s on a roll and I can see he is putting it together

touched before. Like gherkins in your burger, or pickles with salad the other day and last night you sat and straight ate a

lost your ever-loving mind.” I state flatly and glare at him for

off, but you seem to be going the opposite way.” He seems frantic and I keep telling myself it’s because he’s really drunk. My normal clear thinking and logical Arrick is not here right now and I shouldn’t

lightening

break my heart all over again. I know that my baby died, I was there, and maybe he’s having a harder time accepting it than I thought he was, because he wasn’t. If this is him finally coming to the realization it’s gone and

of

Arrick sits back down and looks at me with a broken expression. Taking in my face and visibly pulling himself together, like he realizes what he’s doing

I know you got checked out, and I guess I hoped that maybe there was a chance. I kept trying to ignore all the little signals as nothing, but tonight it seems too coincidental.” His voice is torn and low and it stabs me with hos broken he sounds. I blanche at him and how his head works and feel utterly powerless. I know that no sex means no baby, but

that it hurts you still, but I’m not, you

for me.

and adamant you weren’t, and you were wrong about it that time.”

that maybe

again. Your ruining our wedding night with this and I want you to stop.” I start to

want our baby. It’s in my head all the time, and I hoped that you

dies a little inside. His pain on show without any masks and it ruins what’s left of me. He’s hurting and broken, and I can’t fix this for him. He needs to know so he can

have something going on down there and that’s why I still feel unwell, but I can promise you. We lost our baby and I am no longer pregnant.” I say it slowly as tears pour down my face and we stare at each other. Both desperate in our personal hell and as much as I don’t want to do this, I feel like somehow, he thinks he needs me to. He takes

you to go to hospital with me tonight. If there’s no explanation for all of it in a test, then I’m scared that maybe something else is wrong with you. I want

me tomorrow before we

and as much as I still don’t want to do this, I