The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

Arrick hands me water and helps me sit up on the bed to take a drink before laying me back down.

“I’m sorry” I say for the hundredth time since he picked me up and carried me back to bed and tucked me in. He’s spent the last two minutes sweeping off petals and pushing stuff off the bedside to lay a bowl from my bathroom for me and feels my head with the back of his hand.

“For throwing up? Don’t be … It’s not your fault you’re sick.” He seems a little odd as he says it and I catch a flicker run across his face. My stomach drops that after all the effort he made in here, I destroyed it all. He’s disappointed, I know he is.

I am. I’m devastated.

“What is it? Are you upset because I ruined our wedding night?” I catch his arm and pull him back to me needily as he lays my glass down. Hating that I could ruin our special day in this way.

“It’s just sex, Sophs, we can have plenty of that when you feel better. You haven’t ruined anything.” He runs his thumb across my bottom lip and leans in to kiss me on the cheek gently. Trying to show me he’s not upset, that it’s okay. Meanwhile, I’m gutted.

“Then what is it?” I catch his fingers and pull his hand to my chest, now covered by a satin sheet, tucked under my armpits as I lay here looking up at him.

“It’s nothing, ignore me.” He brushes my hair from my face and places a damp cloth on my head to cool my sudden flash fever that started when I threw up.

“Arrick don’t … Talk to me, you’re making me anxious.” I sit upright and have to grab his arm as another bout of dizziness hits me from sitting too fast. He steadies me, pulls me against his arm to keep me upright and then rubs his face nervously. Looking me over as he takes the same damp rag that fell between us and throws it back on the bedside table. He looks wary and unsure and my stomach tightens with nerves.

He is mad at me.

“It’s just… The last couple of weeks…” He trails off and shakes his head like he can’t believe he’s saying this out loud. It only hitches my tension and I watch him obsessively, trying to figure out his head.

“What? Spit it out.” I snap in frustration at him and feel antsy with how he is being. I have no clue where this is coming from as he has said nothing to me in the last couple of weeks about me being anything. We’ve been getting on fine, despite wedding plans and all that crap. He is springing this out of nowhere and now he has me imagining the absolute worse.

Does he regret the wedding? Marrying me? Is that what this is? Doubts now he’s starting to sober a little and reality is setting in.

He sighs heavily, scans my face, and must see how distraught he is making me. I’m close to hysteria.

“You still seem pregnant, and this… Tonight. It got me thinking that’s all.”

What?

I recoil as though he has slapped me, and I gawp like he’s lost his mind. Words falling out of my mouth defensively.

“We haven’t had sex since, Arrick. How could I be pregnant?” I stare at him in stupefaction. I have no words for that level of absurdity coming out of him. He is clearly over intoxicated and it’s dumbing him down. This has come completely out of left field and I do not know how to even react to this.

“I don’t know. That’s why I said ignore me.” He looks crestfallen and goes back to staring at the cloth on the table.

way he could imagine that I might be, but he sits straight immediately and grabs

He looks utterly overwrought that I would think that, and it calms my frantic thoughts almost instantly. I wouldn’t, even if I could let someone else touch me that way. He is

to fall pregnant with no sex.” I can’t think straight, head cloudy with feeling shit and trying to rationalize where he would get such a

comes back looking sheepish and I pull myself back and look him dead in the eye, blood draining from

touched it and held it. Please don’t tell me that I don’t know what I went through. Don’t make me feel like it wasn’t real.” I start to cry, falling apart at this turn in our conversation and what he thinks I have gotten wrong. Arrick

that way. Don’t cry, Sophs. I’m sorry. It’s that… You went two years of never getting sick and now in less than two months, you

be a coincidence. Why are you doing this?” I’m getting hysterical, breaking up inside and feeling heavy with the weight of pain caving

stupid. Insane. Grasping at straws

He motions at my breasts and I have to admit, the last couple weeks I had to up a bra size because they felt firmer, but it means nothing. I gained weight from sitting around

I’m pregnant!” I snap drily, wiping my

I notice these things and tried to tell myself they were because you were recovering, but

my hands up as if to say ‘Go, be more insane if you really have to’ completely blown away that we are actually arguing about this today of all days. I hate alcohol, I should have known it would sweep in and

foods still. Sleeping more. Emotional and touchy. Moody with everyone else except me now. Your breasts are bigger and your softening around the waist and ass enough that I actually noticed, not that it’s bad. You look crazy

but he’s on a roll and I can see he is putting it together all in his head and trying to

gherkins in your burger, or pickles with salad the other day and last night you sat and straight ate a family sized bag of prawn crackers. You hate them when we get Chinese food. I know it’s cliché, but the stereotypes come from somewhere.” Arry looks convinced and his

lost your ever-loving mind.” I state flatly and glare at

myself it’s because he’s really drunk. My normal clear thinking and logical Arrick is not here right now and I shouldn’t be mad for this thoughtlessness, but I can’t help it. He’s making me crazy. “Please, if I go find a

like lightening

want to do this on my wedding night to appease his doubts. I know it will say negative and break my heart all over again. I know that my baby died, I was there, and maybe he’s having a harder time accepting it than I thought he was,

of all

at him in utter heartbreak for making this one night about this one thing. He’s ripping me to shreds, knowing that I did this to both of us. Arrick sits back down and looks at me with a broken expression. Taking in my face and visibly

I know you got checked out, and I guess I hoped that maybe there was a chance. I kept trying to ignore all the little signals as nothing, but tonight it seems too coincidental.” His voice is torn and low and it stabs me with hos broken he sounds. I blanche at him and how his head works and feel utterly powerless. I know that no sex means no baby,

me to be. I do. I get that it hurts you still, but I’m not, you need to accept it.” I am trying to keep my

me. Let this

what you were like last time, denying it and adamant you weren’t, and you were wrong about it that time.” He takes one last attempt at pleading his case and my temper starts to

feel like I am really going to lose it with him, but my compassionate side is trying like crazy to curb my rage and understand that maybe this is grief talking. Gritting my teeth, adopting

thinking straight. We haven’t had sex; we can’t be pregnant again. Your ruining our wedding night with this and I want you to stop.”

baby. It’s in my head all the time,

His pain on show without any masks and it ruins what’s left of me. He’s hurting and broken, and I can’t fix this for him. He needs to know so he can let

All it will do is tell you what I already know. I wasn’t entirely honest, Arrick. I didn’t go see a doctor when we came back and maybe I should have. I might be sick, maybe I have something going on down there and that’s why I still feel unwell, but I can promise you. We lost our baby and I am no longer pregnant.” I say it slowly as tears pour down my face and we stare at each other. Both desperate in our personal hell and as much as I don’t want

all of it

will be negative, and I swear you can take me tomorrow before we head off on our honeymoon to your family boat. Just go find somewhere and

as much as I still don’t want to do this, I have to