The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

“Don’t be nervous. We will soon see what’s what.” My mom pats my hand as she leads the way into her clinic and turns on all the lights quickly. Illuminating the empty building with a ‘blink, blink’ of strip lighting that hurts my eyes. I can’t speak, so numb with shock, not sure how to feel and Arrick is being equally silent.

He went and got her for me. After the tests, as we didn’t know what else to feel or think and she came right away. It was surreal and hard to tell her everything, but he did most of the talking as I kept staring at all three identical tests and kept asking myself how. She was upset that I never told her, that I never got checked out by her when I was staying here but she put her doctor hat on and went to fetch her keys for her clinic and brought us down here in a cab. She runs her own practice and as key holder she had no qualms about doing this tonight. None of us would sleep otherwise.

It’s almost two a.m. I feel like the walking dead and if it weren’t for Arrick holding me up with hands on my waist as he guides me into the sterile room, they use for doing sonograms, I think I would have fallen over. This is like some weird dream and I desperately need to wake up.

I’m sick with tension, body cold and shivering even though he put his jacket on me and neither of us have really said or reacted since my mom was brought into this. It’s like we are both relying on her to take control and everyone is eerily calm.

“You still haven’t said if you think the tests could be right.” Arrick’s voice breaks and I close my eyes and sag against him with complete fatigue and overwhelm as my mom moves around switching on machines.

“And I won’t until I can see exactly what is going on. I think you have both been through enough and there is no point speculating until I check a few things out.”

“Does it have to go inside of me.” I blurt out meekly, tears biting my eyes as I blink them open at her. Some internal old fear about anything other than Arrick touching me down there and she looks instantly sobered. Obviously realizing why I ask.

“No. Not if we don’t need to. I think the sonogram on your stomach, like a sort of x-ray for the womb, will be enough for tonight.” She is trying to reassure me and even though I trust her, I don’t think I can handle it. Arrick wraps me in his arms and pushes his cheek down next to mine.

“It’s okay.” It’s all he says but the sound of his strong voice and calm tone stills the fluttering nerves. Holding me tight, being my rock. I want to cry but I can’t. It’s like everything is paused in time and nothing is real.

“Hop on the bed and lay down. I need you to lift your dress up to under your bust.” My mom points to a leather couch thing in the center of the room and I move obediently. Arrick pulls paper roll across it first and then helps me get up and maneuvers my dress and jacket to do as she asked. He keeps looking at me and brushing his fingers across my face as though trying to keep me sane. I know I must look shocked. Pale skinned and wide eyed and I really feel like I’ve been hit by a train. He’s being the sane one. Calm, cool, and strong, like Arry of old when I am in crisis. It’s weird how we can flit back and forth this way. It was only a half hour ago I was trying to be his support.

“Whatever happens. Whatever the outcome. I love you and I’m right here.” He leans in and kisses me gently and I can’t help the little sob that escapes me. Scared of what we might find.

a loving look and I watch her move around gathering things on a little table on wheels and stops to

excels in pediatrics but chose to be a family practitioner in a small clinic near home, so she could stay close and raise her kids. My mom qualified as a surgeon a long time ago but

exterior and I stare at him, squeezing his fingers until something hard imprints on my hand and I glance down to see it’s his wedding ring

almost like I had forgotten what today has been, now this is all that is consuming me, and I start to cry. Opening a well of bottled up emotion since

me tight, awkwardly seeing as I am laying on a weird bed, but

... this isn’t how I imagined our wedding day would end.” I blub into his neck and he squeezes me tighter. Kissing my temple and

would it?” He says half lightheartedly and then pulls back and nods that my mom is standing waiting with a

***

stare at the image on scream in complete disbelief and I can’t get my head round it at all. Even though it’s right there plain as day and I can see it. Nothing she is saying s filtering into

the hard-plastic tool on my abdomen around a bit more for a new angle. She’s engrossed in her screen and

a little bean with a

eyes at me and goes back to looking at the screen, clicking the keyboard to make measurements and pull-down menus. Double

of this is real, but Arrick is

who are, like Alexi and Gino. I was a twin too.” Arrick blinks

told me that before and if he was… Where is it? This is news to me. I can’t imagine there ever being

screen once more. I reach up and touch his face, but he catches my fingers and kisses them with a smile. He’s saying he’s okay about it, a long-ago healed scar about his own

fully and not really getting any easier at seeing something on that screen. I feel so detached, like this is all some

lost both, as they share a sac. Arrick was non-identical too, Sylvana carried it to around two months. Some babies are not strong enough and nature intervenes.” My mom pats my abdomen gently, a look of sadness on her face for her closest friend and gives one last push around before

image as it moves in and out with my own breathing. The

image at the little white oblong nestled in what looks like a dark cavern and my Mom nods at him, patting him on the shoulder. He seems so young in this