The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

“Don’t be nervous. We will soon see what’s what.” My mom pats my hand as she leads the way into her clinic and turns on all the lights quickly. Illuminating the empty building with a ‘blink, blink’ of strip lighting that hurts my eyes. I can’t speak, so numb with shock, not sure how to feel and Arrick is being equally silent.

He went and got her for me. After the tests, as we didn’t know what else to feel or think and she came right away. It was surreal and hard to tell her everything, but he did most of the talking as I kept staring at all three identical tests and kept asking myself how. She was upset that I never told her, that I never got checked out by her when I was staying here but she put her doctor hat on and went to fetch her keys for her clinic and brought us down here in a cab. She runs her own practice and as key holder she had no qualms about doing this tonight. None of us would sleep otherwise.

It’s almost two a.m. I feel like the walking dead and if it weren’t for Arrick holding me up with hands on my waist as he guides me into the sterile room, they use for doing sonograms, I think I would have fallen over. This is like some weird dream and I desperately need to wake up.

I’m sick with tension, body cold and shivering even though he put his jacket on me and neither of us have really said or reacted since my mom was brought into this. It’s like we are both relying on her to take control and everyone is eerily calm.

“You still haven’t said if you think the tests could be right.” Arrick’s voice breaks and I close my eyes and sag against him with complete fatigue and overwhelm as my mom moves around switching on machines.

“And I won’t until I can see exactly what is going on. I think you have both been through enough and there is no point speculating until I check a few things out.”

“Does it have to go inside of me.” I blurt out meekly, tears biting my eyes as I blink them open at her. Some internal old fear about anything other than Arrick touching me down there and she looks instantly sobered. Obviously realizing why I ask.

“No. Not if we don’t need to. I think the sonogram on your stomach, like a sort of x-ray for the womb, will be enough for tonight.” She is trying to reassure me and even though I trust her, I don’t think I can handle it. Arrick wraps me in his arms and pushes his cheek down next to mine.

“It’s okay.” It’s all he says but the sound of his strong voice and calm tone stills the fluttering nerves. Holding me tight, being my rock. I want to cry but I can’t. It’s like everything is paused in time and nothing is real.

“Hop on the bed and lay down. I need you to lift your dress up to under your bust.” My mom points to a leather couch thing in the center of the room and I move obediently. Arrick pulls paper roll across it first and then helps me get up and maneuvers my dress and jacket to do as she asked. He keeps looking at me and brushing his fingers across my face as though trying to keep me sane. I know I must look shocked. Pale skinned and wide eyed and I really feel like I’ve been hit by a train. He’s being the sane one. Calm, cool, and strong, like Arry of old when I am in crisis. It’s weird how we can flit back and forth this way. It was only a half hour ago I was trying to be his support.

“Whatever happens. Whatever the outcome. I love you and I’m right here.” He leans in and kisses me gently and I can’t help the little sob that escapes me. Scared of what we might find.

I watch her move around gathering things on a little table on wheels and stops to wash her hands. She looks at home in this place and it’s the first time I have ever came here to see her in her

clinic near home, so she could stay close and raise her kids. My mom qualified as a surgeon a long time ago but didn’t stick with that as

over a million thoughts behind that calm exterior and I stare at him, squeezing his fingers until something hard imprints on my hand and I glance down to see it’s his wedding ring I

like I had forgotten what today has been, now this is all that is consuming me,

and cuddles me tight, awkwardly seeing as I am laying on a weird bed, but he half pulls me up and wraps himself around me

this isn’t how I imagined our wedding day would end.” I blub into his neck and he squeezes me tighter. Kissing my temple and breathing against me as he nuzzles me close. Surrounding me with the smell of

went according to plan though would it?” He says half lightheartedly and then pulls back and nods that my mom is standing waiting with a bottle of jelly

***

in complete disbelief and I can’t get my head round it at all. Even though it’s right there plain as day and I can see it. Nothing she is saying s filtering into my skull except complete

weeks on the button.” My mom says and pushes the hard-plastic tool on my abdomen around a bit more for a new angle. She’s engrossed

blink again and stare at what looks like a little bean with a pulsing spot on a black fuzzy image

still a viable pregnancy.” She smiles through glazed eyes at me and goes back to looking at the screen, clicking the

I blanche again, still having a hard time believing any of this is real, but

unlikely, Sophs. My dad’s a twin, I have several cousins who are, like Alexi and Gino. I was a twin too.” Arrick blinks at the

news to me. I can’t imagine there ever being two of him at all. I can’t

well up as he looks at the little thing on the screen once more. I reach up and touch his face, but he catches my fingers and kisses them with a smile. He’s saying he’s okay about it, a long-ago healed scar about his own twin but I know he’s

the other one in there?” I turn back to my mom, unable to let this sink in fully and not really getting any easier at

If they were identical like Gino and Alexi then you would have lost both, as they share a sac. Arrick was non-identical too, Sylvana carried it to around two months. Some babies are not strong enough and nature intervenes.” My mom pats my abdomen gently, a look of sadness on her face for her closest friend and gives one last push around before

and white image as it moves in and out with my own breathing. The tiny bean has a little pulsing beat at the top and Arrick moves closer to the screen to really stare

baby, right there?” He points in the middle of the image at the little white oblong nestled in what looks like a dark cavern and my Mom nods at him, patting him on the shoulder. He seems so young