The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

I know Sophs loves me, she tells me all the time. I don’t get what this is and why she’s so upset about it. I don’t get why she feels the need to keep emphasizing she cares about me. I know this, she knows I love her too.... I honestly don’t understand, unless she somehow feels I don’t anymore, because I left her here and walked off mad?

“Okay.... You said that ....” I move towards her, smiling a little as I try to get my head around why she is being odd, trying to weigh up my theory and it suddenly registers with the way she is watching me painfully, intensely; as though seeking some sort of answer to what she said. The penny drops from a great height and almost takes me out with the impact of the blow as I stupendously connect the dots and stumble with the fallout.

“By love? ...... Sophs.... What do you mean?” I frown at her as a tightening knot, envelopes my guts and my anxiety hitches steadily, a little tremor of clarity pushing through at exactly what she is telling me. Fogginess giving way to a little niggling realization that brings up a huge wave of nervous nausea. I must visibly pale as it feels like all the blood drains from my face.

“I’m sorry, Arry, I didn’t mean to. It’s not like I meant for things to change... It just happened.” She looks even more devastated this time, eyes glazing with tears, breaking me apart. I can’t breathe as it forces its way into my head, exactly what she means. I pause, momentarily stunned and have no clue how to react at all. Still as stone while my brain throws itself into a frenzy of emotions and thoughts and I am rendered temporarily stunned as it sinks in and set’s my brain on fire.

Sophie is my best friend, the girl I love like a best friend. Like a sister.

“You don’t love me like that, Sophs, you don’t know what you’re saying. This is stupid, you’re confused.” It tumbles from my mouth as my mind tries to catch up, still in shock, fumbling and staring at those searching scared eyes she’s locked on me and I can barely breathe. My body turns rigid; I can see her staring at me, that beautiful little face so open and afraid, and yet all I can feel is a huge building wave of sheer panic and a need to back away from her at a hundred miles an hour. My feet seem to follow, and I halt myself from literally running away from her.

My hands have a mind of their own and grasping at fuck knows what, between us. I shove them down and try to stop my feet from turning again to get away from her. Needless to say, this is not a reaction I ever thought I would have to something I never thought I would hear from Sophs of all people.

We are not like this with one another.... we’re best friends. It’s not right, it’s weird on so many levels and I don’t look at her that way.

“Arry?” She reaches for me this time, stepping towards me, but the wave of blackness closing in on me makes me move away impulsively. Afraid that her touch might send me running and that would be the shittiest thing to do to her right now. Trying to control my breathing, lungs heavy, as her eyes bore into me, eating me away with that terrified look in her eye. I want to be who she needs, to hold her and tell her it’s all going to be okay, but I’m freaking out, and realizing that nothing is going to be fucking okay if she looks at me in that way.

That’s like kissing and sex...... Sophie and sex...No, no, no, NOPE!!!

right, Sophs; this is wrong on so many levels, it’s practically incest.!” I blanch at her, head in chaos, thoughts tumbling around crazily. I can’t even begin to comprehend what being that way with her would be like. It’s wrong on so many levels. My body is in a state of cold panic and my blood is sending weird icy waves from my

wouldn’t, couldn’t, daren’t, ever cross that line with her. She’s MY Sophie! The way she’s looking at me is ripping my insides out on top of all that. Wounded, hurt by my scathing rejection, and it’s

my own panting breath is drowning out her voice. “I didn’t know until yesterday that this is what is even wrong with me. This is all a shock to me too, and it’s not like I don’t know that this isn’t right. I know you don’t look or feel that way about me, I know you’re in love with Natasha and this fucks me and you up in every way. You don’t need to point this out to me … I already know, Arry!” She

her if she feels this

yet my brain telling me not to touch her and give

objectively, sizing her up, wondering if I even could.... That we might be able to even cross any line like that. I know that I find her beautiful, stunning even, but it’s Sophie... it’s my little Mimmo. I have no clue if I could ever give her more than what we have. I refused to allow my head to ever go there once I got to know her, although once upon a time,

ache pins my chest as I visualize her in my head, reminding me that my heart is

wrap around her and hug this all away, but I know it won’t help either of us. So majorly confused. I never saw this coming at all, and I am pretty sure Sophie is having some sort of midlife crisis, that this is all a

of this. She slumps down on the floor facing me, as I hit the wall behind my back and slump down too, mirroring her across the carpet,

never been that kind of a deal to me...well, maybe that once, a long time ago. I looked at her that way for a brief moment, but that was before. We have come so far since I first met her, we have become so much more to each other than this. She’s my

would be doing it.” She sniffs through quiet tears and my heart is literally wrenched out of my chest. She looks so broken and

Sophie, just not the way you want

and me, Sophs, it’s always been innocent. It’s always been platonic. I don’t get how this...”

you? Really?” Anger spikes in her voice, that dripping sarcasm replacing the pain, and for a moment I stare at her in awe. The beauty that is Sophie. That fire when she’s hurt, that self-preservation kicking in to fiercely protect her wounded soul. I hate that it’s here between us now, but at the same time it’s a part of her that I have always

because of me, it’s aimed my way, as I watch that angelic beauty start to close up on me, reverting to inner Sophie to shield herself from the agony that I’m inflicting on her. Stomach and heart meeting in unison as both drop low in my pelvis with a thudding pang of regret. I’m never usually the cause for

She struggles to her feet, that mask lifting up to shield her emotions, her face calming to impassive, and her wall building. I can see it happening right in front of me and I’m powerless to do anything about it. It’s killing me to see it from this side once more. It’s been five whole years since I was over this side of the wall, and it took

are not as rubber as they were moments ago. I think the shock is wearing off,