The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

Chapter 219

Arrick’s POV

~ Breaking up with Natasha ~

Sitting on my couch, leaning forward with elbows propped on my knees, I stare at my cell for the millionth time and scroll to Sophie’s name on the list. Last call was twenty-eight days ago... twenty-eight long days of hell, silence, loneliness, and lack of Sophie. Twenty-eight days; the last time I felt anything but the constant absence of her and heavy pit in my stomach, from her disappearing in every single way, and leaving a gaping silent sunless space in my life.

I’m missing her like crazy, keeping her last texts messages because it’s all I have left of her to hold on to. I scroll to the very last one, again. It’s a nothing text; I don’t even remember what it was in response too, as it’s not connected to the conversation before it. Just one single text, one that sums her up in so very few words and I stare at it as my chest heaves with that same ingrained weight that I feel daily. Body sagging at the sight of it and mood plummeting.

You’re lame, Douchebag xxx

I stare at her smiling face, I saved as her contact image, and it has the same effect that it has every time I do this to myself. Like a gut punch from something sharp. Dull, yet piercing. She has no idea how much this hurts. I never knew I could miss someone with the depths of agony that I miss her. That missing someone could make every part of you ache, like a toothache you cannot relieve, no matter what you do.

That unique agony of a slicing sharp pain cutting through your chest a million times an hour with every single thought of her. I trawl my cell almost daily, for the snippets of video on my phone that have her in them, for the signs of her in my life, our past life. It’s all I have since she disappeared on all my social media; she either removed her accounts, or blocked me on every single one, I know because I have searched for her and nothing comes up.

All the pictures she’d tagged me in are gone too. It’s like she wiped out every connection in one fell swoop. She blocked me from her life in all ways. Cut me off and severed me, like I deserve, like she should because I hurt her.

I stare at that smiling, once happy face. Taken on a trip, a couple years back long before Tasha was in my life. Perfection in a picture. That almost love heart shaped face, framed in natural honey blonde hair, big tropical blue eyes that even now haunt my soul, and the devastating mouth of a born seductress. Pouted soft pink lips, natural blushed cheeks, and flawless complexion.

Sophie could have been a model in another lifetime, if she had a start with the Huntsbergers long ago, and never developed the fear of men she has now. She’s beautiful enough. I don’t have a single bad picture of her in my cell, every one as photogenically flawless as the previous. She never really acted like she knew she was gorgeous; I don’t think she ever saw it and it only made me love her all the more. I know it’s not right, to sit and stare at her face anytime I’m alone, to try and find pieces of her I can draw back to me. Natasha is clinging to me, trying so hard to make this work, but my heart walked out that door four weeks ago, and never looked back and try as I might, a human can’t function without one.

even doing anymore. It kills me to know she was right here, in my grasp and I had her in any way I wanted her, but I still let her go. I dream about her, I think about her every day, yet I know I lost all of it. She was more than just my best friend, she was ingrained on my soul, so that severing

I made her go,

want to hear from me, and I keep telling myself to give her time. I thought I knew what I needed to do, to fix this whole mess. I figured in time we could sort

things from my life, she took the sun, the happiness, and the sense of purpose with her. Since she walked away, I feel like I don’t care about anything anymore. My job, my career, my training; I’m just going through the motions emptily and some days it takes me all my strength

the top of the screen, above Sophie’s smiling face. I have to drag my eyes from her to look, and it takes a

are we going out

of duty and guilt washing over me, it always drags me back to this. The fact I am still here, still doing this, and trying to make amends. I sigh as my thumb hovers over the home key on my cell, the one which will

it gets worse every time. Every blonde girl I see, every dumb unicorn or fast food vendor. Every cheesy pop song, old movie, or lame girly cartoon. I just see her. Everywhere. Like my own personal torment. It never feels any better.

Sure x

Natasha. I don’t even know why anymore; I have no energy or inclination

again, when it should be me. I’m the one who fucked it all up, I’m the one who

having her company. Nate has been busting my ass the last few weeks, over how off focus my game is and my trainer managed to punch me square in the jaw today, because I let my guard down.

myself over this. I made my choice and I need to man up and live with the consequences. It will get better, it will pass. Sophie is still

feelings are less bruised, and people are more open to building bridges. I can’t give up on the hope that I will see

The last few weeks I’ve kept myself busy almost constantly, so that I can come home and crash and sleep away the hours before

next to me, doe eyed at the cartoon unicorn on screen and sobbing her eyes out when she finds her family in the sea. Clinging to me, in a

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