Ex-Husband's Regret

Shoot out
Nothing about the day spelled disaster. The sun was shining and everything seemed to be well in place as I drove down the familiar streets.

The chapel was fully packed when we arrived. Almost everyone had come to pay their last respects.

I surveyed the place and was satisfied to see everything was in place. None of the others had been much help when it came to the burial preparation. I was the one that was left to shoulder the weight of everything.

I didn’t complain though. I took it as a chance for me to reciprocate what he’d done for me. After all, he had fed me, clothed me and put a room over my head.

The service was about to begin and most people were already seated. I decided to sit on the opposite side. It didn’t feel right sitting with the rest. It especially didn’t feel right sitting next to Emma.

“Mom, why are we sitting here…shouldn’t we sit next to grandma?” Noah asks, pointing at where the others were.

Of course we were getting weird looks but I didn’t care. After all, it wasn’t a secret that I wasn’t wholly accepted by the family after everything that happened.

“Most people are already seated. I don’t want us to cause a fracas” I lie.

He looks like he doesn’t believe me but choses to let it go. The father arrives and the sermon begins just as I feel someone sit next to me.

I tense. I would know his presence and cologne anywhere. I don’t know what he was doing seated here. He should be with his precious Emma. In fact I would prefer if he were there.

Damn I sound bitter. Which I was. Bitter, angry and hurt.

“Dad” Noah whisper yells, which causes a few people to turn and look at us.

I glower at them making them turn back around.

“Can I sit between the two of you?” Noah whispers to me.

I breathe a sigh of relief. Thank goodness for small miracles. I wouldn’t have to be near his suffocating presence.

to switch seats with him. The moment we do, I feel the tension ease up a

how will you leave it? Will you have made a difference? Changed it and touched the lives of those that you met along the way? Or will you leave it with regrets?” the

Will those around me even care? Whom am I kidding? They wouldn’t. They would probably hold a celebratory feast. The only one who will be affected

in the fact that I can never be good enough for anyone. I wasn’t as beautiful as she was. S**y as she was. Smart as she was. Loved as she was. I wasn’t perfect as Emma was. I was nothing compared

pain is bigger than mine. Her happiness is a priority over mine. She always comes first in everyone’s mind while I’m left chasing after leftovers of

Noah’s voice pulls me out of my

the service was over

okay?” his deep voice always makes

to him let alone look at him but I’ll

my shoulders I stand up, without looking at him. I know it seems rude but I just can’t look at him. Not when the memory

Noah,

the door. Once we’re outside we’re bombarded by a crowd of

buried father yet and I

show your face” Emma’s bitter voice says behind

her. Her face was blotchy and her eyes were red and puffy,

sigh. I so didn’t want to face

now Emma. Can we just bury

so that I’m the only

you that I am here to stay. You also took my family from me all those years ago but no more. I plan to take everything back, including the man that was meant to be

between me and the departing back of my sister but doesn’t say anything. I’m left

because none of them were mine to begin with. The family she’s talking about worships the ground she walks one. And Rowan? Rowan

that wanted to drown me, I lead Noah to the place that would be father’s

huddled together. Looking at them and me you would think that I was a stranger just attending

as they lower

begin to cover his coffin with soil until he is completely buried. Mother’s wails are the loudest as she begs for father to come back to her. Emma and Travis both have silent tears running down their faces as they hold