Ex-Husband's Regret

Shoot out
Nothing about the day spelled disaster. The sun was shining and everything seemed to be well in place as I drove down the familiar streets.

The chapel was fully packed when we arrived. Almost everyone had come to pay their last respects.

I surveyed the place and was satisfied to see everything was in place. None of the others had been much help when it came to the burial preparation. I was the one that was left to shoulder the weight of everything.

I didn’t complain though. I took it as a chance for me to reciprocate what he’d done for me. After all, he had fed me, clothed me and put a room over my head.

The service was about to begin and most people were already seated. I decided to sit on the opposite side. It didn’t feel right sitting with the rest. It especially didn’t feel right sitting next to Emma.

“Mom, why are we sitting here…shouldn’t we sit next to grandma?” Noah asks, pointing at where the others were.

Of course we were getting weird looks but I didn’t care. After all, it wasn’t a secret that I wasn’t wholly accepted by the family after everything that happened.

“Most people are already seated. I don’t want us to cause a fracas” I lie.

He looks like he doesn’t believe me but choses to let it go. The father arrives and the sermon begins just as I feel someone sit next to me.

I tense. I would know his presence and cologne anywhere. I don’t know what he was doing seated here. He should be with his precious Emma. In fact I would prefer if he were there.

Damn I sound bitter. Which I was. Bitter, angry and hurt.

“Dad” Noah whisper yells, which causes a few people to turn and look at us.

I glower at them making them turn back around.

“Can I sit between the two of you?” Noah whispers to me.

I breathe a sigh of relief. Thank goodness for small miracles. I wouldn’t have to be near his suffocating presence.

switch seats with him. The moment we do, I feel the tension ease up

must leave this world one day, the question is how will you leave it? Will you have made a difference? Changed it and touched the lives of

me even care? Whom am I kidding? They wouldn’t. They would probably hold a celebratory feast. The only one who

that I can never be good enough for anyone. I wasn’t as beautiful as she was. S**y as she was. Smart as she was. Loved as she was. I wasn’t perfect as Emma was. I was nothing compared

my pain or suffering. It’s all about Emma. Her pain is bigger than mine. Her happiness is a priority over mine. She always comes first in everyone’s mind while I’m left chasing after

me out of

that the service was over and everyone was

you okay?” his deep

at him but I’ll have to because for the next

I stand up, without looking at him. I know it seems rude but I just can’t look at him. Not

Noah,

towards the door. Once we’re outside we’re bombarded by a crowd of people

yet and I was

to show your face” Emma’s bitter

and her eyes were red and puffy, but she still

I so didn’t want

now Emma. Can we just bury

I’m

no more. I plan to take everything back, including the man that was meant to be mine” she then steps aside and

sister but doesn’t say anything.

take anything back because none of them were mine to begin with. The family

pain that wanted to drown me, I lead Noah to the place that

from mother, Emma and Travis. They’re huddled together. Looking at them and me you would think that I was a stranger

says as they lower father’s body to the

then begin to cover his coffin with soil until he is completely buried. Mother’s wails are the loudest as she begs for father to come back to her. Emma and Travis both have silent tears running down their faces as they