Ex-Husband's Regret

Shoot out
Nothing about the day spelled disaster. The sun was shining and everything seemed to be well in place as I drove down the familiar streets.

The chapel was fully packed when we arrived. Almost everyone had come to pay their last respects.

I surveyed the place and was satisfied to see everything was in place. None of the others had been much help when it came to the burial preparation. I was the one that was left to shoulder the weight of everything.

I didn’t complain though. I took it as a chance for me to reciprocate what he’d done for me. After all, he had fed me, clothed me and put a room over my head.

The service was about to begin and most people were already seated. I decided to sit on the opposite side. It didn’t feel right sitting with the rest. It especially didn’t feel right sitting next to Emma.

“Mom, why are we sitting here…shouldn’t we sit next to grandma?” Noah asks, pointing at where the others were.

Of course we were getting weird looks but I didn’t care. After all, it wasn’t a secret that I wasn’t wholly accepted by the family after everything that happened.

“Most people are already seated. I don’t want us to cause a fracas” I lie.

He looks like he doesn’t believe me but choses to let it go. The father arrives and the sermon begins just as I feel someone sit next to me.

I tense. I would know his presence and cologne anywhere. I don’t know what he was doing seated here. He should be with his precious Emma. In fact I would prefer if he were there.

Damn I sound bitter. Which I was. Bitter, angry and hurt.

“Dad” Noah whisper yells, which causes a few people to turn and look at us.

I glower at them making them turn back around.

“Can I sit between the two of you?” Noah whispers to me.

I breathe a sigh of relief. Thank goodness for small miracles. I wouldn’t have to be near his suffocating presence.

with him. The moment we do, I feel

made a difference? Changed it and touched the lives of those that

can’t help but think about it. If I were to die today, who will attend my burial? Will those around me even care? Whom am I kidding? They wouldn’t. They would probably hold

mostly because I hold myself back. Living under the perfect shadow that was Emma nailed in the fact that I can never be good enough for anyone. I wasn’t as beautiful as she was. S**y as she was. Smart

Her pain is bigger

pulls me

realize that the service was over

okay?” his deep voice always

talk to him let alone look at him but I’ll have to because for the next ten years

I just can’t look at him. Not

Noah,

we’re outside we’re bombarded by a crowd of people wanting to give us their condolences.

hadn’t buried father yet and I was already

decided to show your face”

her. Her face was blotchy and her eyes were red and puffy, but she still looked like a

I so didn’t want to face her

Can we just

then leans in so that I’m the only one that can hear

more. I plan to take everything back, including the man that was meant to be mine” she

but doesn’t say

to take anything back because none of them were mine to begin with. The

I lead Noah to the place that would

and me you would think that I was a stranger just attending the burial instead of

the preacher says as they lower father’s body to the

cover his coffin with soil until he is completely buried. Mother’s wails are the loudest as she begs for father to come back to her.