Ex-Husband's Regret

Shoot out
Nothing about the day spelled disaster. The sun was shining and everything seemed to be well in place as I drove down the familiar streets.

The chapel was fully packed when we arrived. Almost everyone had come to pay their last respects.

I surveyed the place and was satisfied to see everything was in place. None of the others had been much help when it came to the burial preparation. I was the one that was left to shoulder the weight of everything.

I didn’t complain though. I took it as a chance for me to reciprocate what he’d done for me. After all, he had fed me, clothed me and put a room over my head.

The service was about to begin and most people were already seated. I decided to sit on the opposite side. It didn’t feel right sitting with the rest. It especially didn’t feel right sitting next to Emma.

“Mom, why are we sitting here…shouldn’t we sit next to grandma?” Noah asks, pointing at where the others were.

Of course we were getting weird looks but I didn’t care. After all, it wasn’t a secret that I wasn’t wholly accepted by the family after everything that happened.

“Most people are already seated. I don’t want us to cause a fracas” I lie.

He looks like he doesn’t believe me but choses to let it go. The father arrives and the sermon begins just as I feel someone sit next to me.

I tense. I would know his presence and cologne anywhere. I don’t know what he was doing seated here. He should be with his precious Emma. In fact I would prefer if he were there.

Damn I sound bitter. Which I was. Bitter, angry and hurt.

“Dad” Noah whisper yells, which causes a few people to turn and look at us.

I glower at them making them turn back around.

“Can I sit between the two of you?” Noah whispers to me.

I breathe a sigh of relief. Thank goodness for small miracles. I wouldn’t have to be near his suffocating presence.

able to switch seats with him. The

it? Will you have made a difference? Changed it and touched the lives of those that you met along the way? Or

it. If I were to die today, who will attend my burial? Will those around me even care? Whom am I kidding? They wouldn’t. They would probably hold a celebratory feast. The only one who

any friends mostly because I hold myself back. Living under the perfect shadow that was Emma nailed in the fact that I can never be good enough for anyone. I wasn’t as beautiful as she

now when we’re older, I’m still in her shadow. No one sees my pain or suffering. It’s all about Emma. Her pain is bigger than mine. Her

Noah’s voice pulls me out of my

then I realize that the service was over and everyone

you okay?” his deep voice always makes me

but I’ll have to because for the next ten years we’ll

I just can’t look at him. Not when the memory

Noah,

by a crowd of people wanting to give us their condolences. I spot some of

buried father yet and

you’ve finally decided to show your face”

and her eyes were red and puffy, but she still looked like a

I so didn’t want to face

we just

leans in so that I’m

ago but no more. I plan to take everything back, including the man that was meant to be mine” she then steps aside and leaves just

doesn’t say anything. I’m left shocked at her words but not

anything back because none of them were mine to begin with. The family she’s talking about worships the ground she walks one. And Rowan? Rowan

pain that wanted to drown me, I lead Noah

a little distance from mother, Emma and Travis. They’re huddled together. Looking at them and me you would think that I was a stranger just attending the burial instead of part of

preacher says as they lower father’s body to

is completely buried. Mother’s wails are the loudest as she begs for father