Ex-Husband's Regret

Shoot out
Nothing about the day spelled disaster. The sun was shining and everything seemed to be well in place as I drove down the familiar streets.

The chapel was fully packed when we arrived. Almost everyone had come to pay their last respects.

I surveyed the place and was satisfied to see everything was in place. None of the others had been much help when it came to the burial preparation. I was the one that was left to shoulder the weight of everything.

I didn’t complain though. I took it as a chance for me to reciprocate what he’d done for me. After all, he had fed me, clothed me and put a room over my head.

The service was about to begin and most people were already seated. I decided to sit on the opposite side. It didn’t feel right sitting with the rest. It especially didn’t feel right sitting next to Emma.

“Mom, why are we sitting here…shouldn’t we sit next to grandma?” Noah asks, pointing at where the others were.

Of course we were getting weird looks but I didn’t care. After all, it wasn’t a secret that I wasn’t wholly accepted by the family after everything that happened.

“Most people are already seated. I don’t want us to cause a fracas” I lie.

He looks like he doesn’t believe me but choses to let it go. The father arrives and the sermon begins just as I feel someone sit next to me.

I tense. I would know his presence and cologne anywhere. I don’t know what he was doing seated here. He should be with his precious Emma. In fact I would prefer if he were there.

Damn I sound bitter. Which I was. Bitter, angry and hurt.

“Dad” Noah whisper yells, which causes a few people to turn and look at us.

I glower at them making them turn back around.

“Can I sit between the two of you?” Noah whispers to me.

I breathe a sigh of relief. Thank goodness for small miracles. I wouldn’t have to be near his suffocating presence.

moving us, I’m able to switch seats with him. The moment we do, I feel the tension ease up

day, the question is how will you leave it? Will you have made a difference? Changed it and touched the lives of those that you met along the way? Or will you leave it with

think about it. If I were to die today, who will attend my burial? Will those around me even care? Whom am I kidding?

hold myself back. Living under the perfect shadow that was Emma nailed in the fact that I can never be good enough for anyone. I wasn’t as beautiful

It’s all about Emma. Her pain is bigger than mine. Her

voice pulls me out of my

service was

his deep voice always

but I’ll have

just can’t look at him. Not when the memory of him staring lovingly at Emma is

Noah, let’s

we walk towards the door. Once we’re outside we’re bombarded by a crowd of people wanting to

hadn’t buried father yet and I was

finally decided to show your face” Emma’s

blotchy and her eyes were red and

didn’t want to face

now Emma. Can we just

in so that I’m the only one

You also took my family from me all those years ago but no more. I plan to take everything back,

but doesn’t say anything. I’m left shocked at her words

back because none of them were mine to begin with. The family she’s talking about worships the ground she walks one. And Rowan? Rowan was and still is

the pain that wanted to drown me, I lead Noah

little distance from mother, Emma and Travis. They’re huddled together. Looking at them and me you would think that I was a stranger just attending the

says as they lower father’s body

for father to come back to her. Emma and Travis