Ex-Husband's Regret

Shoot out
Nothing about the day spelled disaster. The sun was shining and everything seemed to be well in place as I drove down the familiar streets.

The chapel was fully packed when we arrived. Almost everyone had come to pay their last respects.

I surveyed the place and was satisfied to see everything was in place. None of the others had been much help when it came to the burial preparation. I was the one that was left to shoulder the weight of everything.

I didn’t complain though. I took it as a chance for me to reciprocate what he’d done for me. After all, he had fed me, clothed me and put a room over my head.

The service was about to begin and most people were already seated. I decided to sit on the opposite side. It didn’t feel right sitting with the rest. It especially didn’t feel right sitting next to Emma.

“Mom, why are we sitting here…shouldn’t we sit next to grandma?” Noah asks, pointing at where the others were.

Of course we were getting weird looks but I didn’t care. After all, it wasn’t a secret that I wasn’t wholly accepted by the family after everything that happened.

“Most people are already seated. I don’t want us to cause a fracas” I lie.

He looks like he doesn’t believe me but choses to let it go. The father arrives and the sermon begins just as I feel someone sit next to me.

I tense. I would know his presence and cologne anywhere. I don’t know what he was doing seated here. He should be with his precious Emma. In fact I would prefer if he were there.

Damn I sound bitter. Which I was. Bitter, angry and hurt.

“Dad” Noah whisper yells, which causes a few people to turn and look at us.

I glower at them making them turn back around.

“Can I sit between the two of you?” Noah whispers to me.

I breathe a sigh of relief. Thank goodness for small miracles. I wouldn’t have to be near his suffocating presence.

The moment we do, I feel the tension ease up

you leave it? Will you have made a difference? Changed it and touched the lives of those that you met

burial? Will those around me even care? Whom am I kidding? They wouldn’t. They would probably hold a celebratory feast. The only one who will be affected by my death will be Noah. Just him and no

Emma nailed in the fact that I can never be good enough for anyone. I wasn’t as beautiful as she was. S**y as she was. Smart as she was. Loved as she was.

sees my pain or suffering. It’s all about Emma. Her pain is bigger

voice pulls me out of

I realize that the service

his deep voice always

let alone look at him but I’ll have to because for the next ten

but I just can’t look at him. Not when the memory of him staring lovingly at Emma is still fresh in

Noah,

of people wanting to give us their condolences.

yet and

to show your face” Emma’s bitter

Her face was blotchy and her eyes were red and puffy, but she still looked like

sigh. I so didn’t want to face her

Can we just bury father

leans in so that I’m the

more. I plan to take everything back, including the man that was meant to be mine” she then steps

me and the departing back of my sister but doesn’t say anything. I’m left shocked at her words

have to take anything back because none of them were mine to begin with. The family she’s talking about worships the ground she walks one. And Rowan? Rowan was

pain that wanted to drown me, I lead Noah to the place that

Travis. They’re huddled together. Looking at them and me you would

the preacher says as they lower father’s body

Mother’s wails are the loudest as she begs for father to come back to