Ex-Husband's Regret

Chapter 60

“What are you doing here?” I ask through my sobs.

He comes and kneels before me, his eyes staring at me with an emotion I can’t figure out.

“Emma told me she saw you at the store. She said you looked hysterical and that you bought a bunch of pregnancy tests before leaving” he tells me softly, his fingers wiping away my tears.

Damn it Emma and her big mouth! What the hell did she think she’ll accomplish by telling Rowan that I bought pregnancy tests?

“She shouldn’t have told you. It’s none of her business neither is it yours” I hiss.

He doesn’t react instead he asks. “Have you taken the test?”

I just nod my head as more tears fill my eyes.

“And?”

I don’t answer him. I just couldn’t bring myself to admit what the test informed me.

When I don’t answer he surveys the room. His eyes land on them laying near the sink. He stands up and goes to check them. I should be fucking angry that he was violating my privacy, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Not when I had much more important things to worry about.

He comes back and this time instead of kneeling before me. He instead sits next to me.

“Congratulation. You’re going to be a great mother” he tell me an odd catch in his voice.

I lay my head on his shoulder as I speak. “Am I? You didn’t ever want to have another baby with me even though I wanted one desperately. I thought it’s because you thought I was a bad mother”

I was always so insecure when it came to Rowan. I knew the real reason. He didn’t want another baby because he was holding out hope that Emma will come back. I lied to myself because it was better to think he thought I wasn’t a good mother than to acknowledge that he just didn’t want a

baby with me.

“I’ve never thought you’re a bad mother, Ava. You’re the fucking best. One just has to look at the relationship between you and Noah to know it’s true” he pauses. “Can I tell you something?”

I nod my head.

“I was always jealous of the bond you have with Noah. I still am” he confesses. I lift my head in

shock.

2

“Really”

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I still can’t believe that Rowan was right now sitting on the bathroom floor with me. The Rowan i

know wouldn’t have cared at all, let alone wipe away my tears.

“Yeah” he answers

We stay in silence after that. I soon start feeling drowsy. I don’t know when I slept or how he carried me to my bed. The last thing I felt before falling into deep sleep, was his lips on my

forehead.

When I wake up, it’s midafternoon the next day. I find breakfast on my side table. Which was

probably cold.

I get out of bed and make an appointment with my gynecologist. I take a quick shower then get

felt

ignore the food. I didn’t know who brought it,

Rowan.

getting to the doctor’s office. I get

the private clinic.

husbands. It takes me back to

appointments.

was giving birth, given he showed little care for me and

was expecting.

my details and take

called.

Sharp” I’m finally called after about forty

walk to Dr. Raven’s

what can I do for you this

a pregnancy test yesterday and they were positive,

just wanted a confirmation”

my hands. Completely nervous and nearing

316

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you lay on the bed, while I

nod

up on the bed and stare at the ceiling. I

pull up

do as she says, my hands shaking. She squirts the gel on my stomach and begins moving

wand around.

Around three months along.” she

fills

blink back the tears and grip the hem of my

but I wasn’t.

is a blur. She cleans me up and gives me instructions.

I leave her office and pass by her secretary’s desk. She gives

for me the images of the

I leave like the

had held hope. Hope that the tests were false. It’s know

aren’t accurate. I was hoping that it will

proof that I was

backseat.

for a while not sure where I am, until I finally

the cliff.

baby? I didn’t want him or her. I didn’t want a baby conceived

same man

her and not feel any type of resentment? I wanted to forget my

will make sure I don’t. He or she will be a reminder of how

betrayed me.

to take a step forward. Just

pain, or sadness or heartache. I would be free of the constant darkness

drowning me.

4/6

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cat in the distance, but I don’t turn. I still don’t turn when a

you think you’re doing,

even as the wind picks up I feel its force. As if it was also urging

step

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