62 Noah’s back

Ava

+15 BONUS

I’m cleaning the house. A thorough cleaning just to keep my mind off things. I’m still coming to

terms with the fact that I’m pregnant.

When Rowan rejected the idea of us having another baby. I all but gave up on giving Noah a

sibling. Now I have another baby on the way and I didn’t know how to feel.

My phone rings and I pick it up. Normally I would have refused to pick up, but not today. Pushing

those close to me away wasn’t doing me any good..

“Hi Letty” I murmur while sitting down.

I’ve been so tired of late. I should have known that there was something more to it.

“Oh my God. You picked up. I thought you wouldn’t” she screams through the phone before

sniffing. “I missed hearing your voice. It’s been weeks”

م

“I’m sorry.” I release a breath. “I just didn’t know how to handle everything so I pushed you away”

I’ve never been good at communicating my feelings. I’ve never been good at even acknowledging

them. When I’m stressed or over emotional, I shut down. I try to bury them so that I can function

properly. Pushing my emotions down is usually better than acknowledging them. Now I know

that isn’t healthy at all.

“Are you okay now?”

“Not all the way, but I will be” I assure her.

I don’t know how I plan to do that, but I was going to come out of this stronger.

I still can’t believe that I thought of killing myself and my own child. I may not know how to feel,

but this baby was my blood. Just like Noah is. I plan to be a good mother. I plan to be the best

mother to him or her.

I shake those thoughts away. I don’t want to think of how low I had hit. I don’t want to think of

what I almost did.

“I’m pregnant” I whisper, when she doesn’t say anything after a while.

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What? She shrieks in surprise “When did you find out?”

“About a week ago

like win Noah, this baby is unexpected and unplanned. That

I may not like his or

Laush

the surprises

I thought you wouldn’t, given who the

a blessing, and this baby is who you need to pull you

baby is your saving grace. He

time.” She takes a deep

were drowning, Ava. I could see it. Everyone could see it. I believe

managed to do. Pulling you out of the

and it’s true. It’s because of Noah and this child that I want to

I’m willing to

you for trying Letty. Even when I kept pushing you away,

up on me” I was close to

single thing makes

the sister I never had. Of course I wouldn’t give up

know you would do

serious conversations. By the time we

up. It was an hour or

I didn’t realize how much I had missed her.

felt more like myself, now. I wasn’t quite there

exhausted by the time I am done. I collapse on

front door open.

Who the hell would dare enter my house without knocking or ringing the

answered when I hear his

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Mommy I am home!” he

my face and I stand up. I rush out

through the entry way.

“Noah!”

crashes with mine. I hug him close to me

I had missed

him all over his face, I hold

giggle, but he doesn’t push

you here right now?” I ask him as I pull

don’t let him go.

I didn’t care. I was just so fucking happy to have him here

needed me. It was supposed to be a surprise, that’s why

we talked

his father that I realize Rowan was standing before him. Our

an emotion in his eyes, but I just can’t figure out what

“Hi” I say softly.

house everyday just to check up on. He

different from the Rowan I was used to that I

to

words, he got me a therapist who I began seeing three days ago.

left surprised by his action. It was so unlike

you today?” he asks with

steps to get better and that’s what

my sleeves and I look at him. “Is it true that you’re

who looks at me sheepishly while rubbing the back

I tell him in

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