62 Noah’s back

Ava

+15 BONUS

I’m cleaning the house. A thorough cleaning just to keep my mind off things. I’m still coming to

terms with the fact that I’m pregnant.

When Rowan rejected the idea of us having another baby. I all but gave up on giving Noah a

sibling. Now I have another baby on the way and I didn’t know how to feel.

My phone rings and I pick it up. Normally I would have refused to pick up, but not today. Pushing

those close to me away wasn’t doing me any good..

“Hi Letty” I murmur while sitting down.

I’ve been so tired of late. I should have known that there was something more to it.

“Oh my God. You picked up. I thought you wouldn’t” she screams through the phone before

sniffing. “I missed hearing your voice. It’s been weeks”

م

“I’m sorry.” I release a breath. “I just didn’t know how to handle everything so I pushed you away”

I’ve never been good at communicating my feelings. I’ve never been good at even acknowledging

them. When I’m stressed or over emotional, I shut down. I try to bury them so that I can function

properly. Pushing my emotions down is usually better than acknowledging them. Now I know

that isn’t healthy at all.

“Are you okay now?”

“Not all the way, but I will be” I assure her.

I don’t know how I plan to do that, but I was going to come out of this stronger.

I still can’t believe that I thought of killing myself and my own child. I may not know how to feel,

but this baby was my blood. Just like Noah is. I plan to be a good mother. I plan to be the best

mother to him or her.

I shake those thoughts away. I don’t want to think of how low I had hit. I don’t want to think of

what I almost did.

“I’m pregnant” I whisper, when she doesn’t say anything after a while.

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What? She shrieks in surprise “When did you find out?”

“About a week ago

Noah, this baby is unexpected and unplanned. That

I always wanted another child. I may not like his or

Laush

as the surprises fades

the news. I thought you wouldn’t, given who the

a blessing, and this baby is who you need to pull

is your saving grace. He or she

takes a deep

could see it. I believe this baby has done

else has managed to do. Pulling you

said and it’s true. It’s because

willing to get the

trying Letty. Even when I kept pushing you away, you

me” I

makes me emotional

like the sister I never had. Of

know you would

away from serious conversations. By the

an

how much I had missed

more like myself, now. I

time I am

front door open.

dare enter my house without knocking

when I hear

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Mommy I am

face and I stand up. I rush out of the living

through the entry way.

“Noah!”

with mine. I hug him close to me as

had

his face, I hold him

he giggle, but he doesn’t

missed you so much! How are you here right now?” I ask him as I

don’t let him go.

on the floor, but I didn’t care. I was just so fucking happy

needed me. It was supposed to be a surprise, that’s why

when we

that I realize

see an emotion in his eyes, but I just can’t figure out what

“Hi” I say softly.

to check up on. He has been supportive and

from the Rowan I was used

react to this version of

a therapist who I began seeing three days ago. Every time he

his

he

I was making steps to get better

at him. “Is

glare at Rowan who looks at me sheepishly

tell him in

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