Love Aint Always Pretty

Idée Fixe

- an idea that dominates one's mind especially for a prolonged period; obsession

Origin: French

23

"Please tell me you'll come?"

Here comes Tracy again, begging me to go along with her and her friends. I love Tracy but I don't love... I don't like, at least, most of her friends. It's a mutual feeling though and whenever Penny is around, all she'll ever do is to retaliate me. She gets to my nerve like I how I get into hers. She hates the way I dress. She hates every thing I do. She hates me being around the same place that she's around. She hates me. She loathes my entire being.

Penny is just so hateful. And I'm sure as hell that she's just jealous of me cos I am way better than her. She looks like a prostitute with those kind of clothes on her. And I look like the kind of woman that men respects more.

And if it's not only Tracy's birthday this Saturday I wouldn't wanna go. But since she's turning twenty and I'm her roommate, and she begs a lot then I know I have to go. I wouldn't want to disappoint her but I was actually thinking my absence won't make any difference at all.

"Please Savannah?" She pouts.

I smiled. "Okay. I'll go."

"Yey! It's not only a party. It's like dinner then party. We won't be staying at the frat house. Romeo's letting me borrow his father's lake house." She smiles happily.

"Lake house? Wow."

"Yeah. Wow."

"I thought Nick has a problem with rich people?" I asked.

Tracy smiled ruefully. "Romeo and Nick aren't really that close. Romeo and Clyde are the ones who were friends from the start that's why Romeo is also my friend."

I nod, showing her that I understand. "Will Penny be there?" I asked.

She chuckles, she knows I hate her. "Yeah. Since she's in our circle, then I think she's really gonna go. Don't worry, I'm there."

I smiled at her.

"Oh I gotta go. Don't wanna be late for my last class. See you later!" She waves while starts to runaway from me.

I waved back at Tracy and started walking to the opposite direction. It has been three days since I saw Nick. Tracy said he's been busy with a few of his exams and looking for a company where he can do his internship. I forgot to ask Tracy what Nick's course was and now I'm curious about it all of a sudden. Well, actually everything about Nick makes me curious as hell and I've never been this curious towards a guy.

It has been days since the last time I saw Nick. Three days since the last time we had sex. Three days of thinking when I'm gonna see him again. Three days of constant imagining about what we did that night in my room before I go to sleep. Three days... And it already feels too long.

I'm sure he's going to see me again cos of this book he borrowed from the library and it's still with me.

I always think about him even though I don't want to. I always find myself imagining that he's inside my room. I always imagine what we did when I stare at my bed. I always force myself to think that I miss what we did and not him. I always try to keep myself busy but later on in the middle of what I'm doing, I stop cos I'm thinking of him again.

Sometimes I lie awake in the middle of the night and I just keep on thinking about him. Thinking about Nick. I know I need to get some sleep cos I got classes the following day and then here's also this novel that I need to finish and study before the deadline but I do it all the time; I always think of him. I try to read the novel but he's consuming my mind. He hasn't texted or called or checked on me. I think his effect on me after our first night is unhealthy to me and it's just our first night.

Nick is not near me but it feels like he's everywhere I go. He's not watching me but it feels like his eyes are following me.

I headed to my dorm and tried to finish my summary about the classic novel. This story was about an unexpected love between Philip and Mary but then they lost each other cos of their family differences and after ten years they found their way to each other again. Philip was already a soldier and he found out that Mary was already married and already had a family. But their spark ignited and their old feelings rekindled. The ending wasn't happily ever after cos Philip died on a war not knowing that Mary was conceiving their first child after ten years of being apart. Sad story.

find Nick anywhere, she felt sorry that I have to grab dinner alone. She asked me to come along with them but then I wouldn't want to be their third wheel. I grabbed my cardigan putting it over my white sleeveless and then placed my silky black shorts on me and fixed my hair in front of my mirror. My phone vibrated and I'm sure

hoping it

Aries calling...

I sighed.

"Hey." I answered.

He

when he calls me angel. "What's up?"

actually, are you

"Yeah. Why?"

"Dinner together?"

smiled. "Perfect timing. I was about to grab dinner.

"Alright."

stumbled my way out of the dorm. I found Aries standing close to his car with his signature baseball cap placed backwards and that striking grin plastered on his face. I walked close to him and I'm not doing anything wrong right now. We're just going out for dinner and I always tell myself not to get smitten by him. I see Aries more brotherly and not the way I see Nick when he's

himself for three days after he had

cool about that beer pong game. Gosh that was so long ago and I haven't seen him much lately. He said he was busy with his exams most of the times. Of course he is,

he did with his friends. I found out that he visited her grandmother last weekend and I love how he's such a sweet

not boring you." He

no. You're not. Never. Trust me.

"How was

My weekend?

waking up right next to Nick. Tracy forced me to go with them cos it was Sunday and I wanted to get away a little bit. We went to their mother's grave. We went to their old house. Nick cooked for us. It was very delicious. We had to stay behind cos there was a storm that night, Nick said it was risky to drive at night. Nick had a

was great." I

good to hear. Are you going to Tracy's mini birthday

nod. "Yeah. She asked me about it just a

"I guess I have a

that reason is

a short while and he's showing me signs that he's into me. This is the

it. I'm saying

what Aries just said to me.

doesn't women like

"Good idea but I don't know her size. How about a charm bracelet? Will a bracelet be

"I don't really know why you're asking me

laughed. He's right. Some men do

can go with you if you want. I think I'll buy something

at him. My eyes quickly moved out of the window, it was raining hard outside. Aries was also looking to the window and we can't barely see the road that much because of the heavy rain pouring down.

of a

me.

should stay in a little longer.

"Okay. Ice cream?"

eat ice cream? Wow. I never thought you'd ask but

He smiled.

the waitress again and my mind was thinking about Nick. I just can't stop thinking about Nick. Right now, after three days, I have this aching need to

he marked them. It's like he marked me. I'm his territory. He owns me physically but I'm not allowed to hand him my heart cos I'm not allowed to love

was funny. I was even laughing at him. He's really a great guy, I tell you. Now I know why women is attracted to him, he's so nice and friendly compared

Savannah? Stop thinking about Nick too much. He's probably out there busy fucking other

wore a plain white v-neck shirt, black leather jacket, black skinny jeans and a pair of dirty white shoes. The smile on my face faded when I saw him looking at me. His

as he sat right next to