Love Aint Always Pretty

Lítost

- regret and remorse and repentance; a state of agony and torment; or sorrow said to be "created by the sudden sight of one's own misery"

Origin: Czech

49

I just glued my eyes at his name while it was appearing on my screen. I didn't answer his call. I couldn't answer his call. I don't want to answer his call then it went off. My heart feels heavy.

Why on earth is he still calling? Will he want to ask about what he saw? Will he ask about my kiss with Aries? Why would he act like he care when he knows he shouldn't act this way?

My phone rings again.

Nick calling...

I answer it.

He exhales. "Where did you go?"

I walked out of the elevator and walked to my dorm. I entered the room and I still didn't answer Nick. He's waiting for my answer too. Tracy wasn't around, I'm sure she's with Clyde. I leaned my back against the door and I feel my heart beating faster.

"Where in hell did you go with Aries, Savannah?" He asked again. He sounds mad at me.

I exhale. "Why do you act like you're concerned about where I went to with Aries? I can go anywhere with any guy I want Nick. I don't need your permission."

I hang up.

My phone rings again.

Damn it Nick!

Nick calling...

I rejected his call but then my phone rings once again just in a split second.

Nick calling...

I answered it. "What do you want from me? I need to sleep Nick!"

"Open your goddamn door Savannah."

My brows creasing.

"Open your fucking door!" He demands while there was a slam on my door that made me flinch.

I exhale. He's outside.

I turned to face the door and took a deep breath in before I opened it. He's here. He's really right outside my room. I hang up on him and he barged his way inside.

"Didn't you leave already?" I asked as my eyebrow arching.

"I came back. I need to talk to you about what I saw." He says.

I looked away. He really saw it. He really saw me kissing Aries. Good. He saw it. I wanted Nick to see it too, cos it'll make me realize if he actually cared or not. If it actually make him jealous or not.

"Where did you go with him?" He asks. Sounded as if he's demanding an answer from me.

My head moves back to Nick and he's looking at me angrily as if I did something really unforgivable. His eyes are piercing into me and he's actually mad. I know he is. It wasn't the same face he had when he saw me with Dustin. His brows are furrowing and his jaw is clenched.

"Answer me." He says.

"I don't have to explain anything to you. You don't have the right to know where I went to with Aries." I defended myself.

I can also fuck any woman I want

crossed my arms together against my breasts. "Go. Be free. Fuck a lot of women as much as

I can't do that cos I only want

give in Savannah. You're

when I'm with another man. You're jealous when you see me with someone else. You get jealous but you don't admit it to yourself!"

Maybe I am jealous cos you kissed Aries!

right to know Nick. You and I are not in a commitment." I

He laughs humorlessly.

you go fuck?"

My eyes widened.

Was he better when he ate you? Was he bigger than I am?

palm landed on his cheek. I slapped Nick. I slapped him hard. My tears are brimming out from my eyes and it falls down on my cheeks. His face looking over to

woman?! You think I could go

while ago and now they look soft. He licks his lips and looks confused as hell. I think he just realized what he just said

label, but Nick I've never had sex with another man aside from you! How can you think of me that way?!" I

and it's too much already. I always say it's too much but right now it is ready too much that I can't seem to handle it.

away from him. "Don't you dare

came out. I'm sorry. I didn't

out." I say as

"Savannah please."

fuck out!" I

other students were hearing us fight but I wanted him to leave. I'm hurt. I've never imagined he could tell me that. I never imagined he could say that to me so straight into my

to the door and my jaw dropped when I saw Tracy standing by the doorway. Nick was shocked too. We didn't notice the door opening. We didn't notice that someone came in. She looked at us confused and troubled. I wonder how long she has been standing there.

two..." Tracy seemed

humorlessly but I know she couldn't believe the things she

I thought you trust me?!

"I'm sorry." I say.

told you to stay away from Nick cos he'll only hurt you. But you

I closed my eyes.

that Savannah." Nick

least going to court her Nick?"

"No." Nick answers.

so quickly. Still no hesitation on his

I sigh.

as Aries. You use women. I never

tears are escaping from

eagerly. "You're just fucking

Yes. This is all he could give

lied to me. Both of you lied to me. I felt so stupid now after all those times we were together. God Nick are you really going to keep

It's

You're my roommate. You're a close friend now. I can't let him do this

Tracy." I cut her off and my tears are still falling

lip parted

let him use me as much as he wants to and as

he knows about how I feel and his stares seemed to answer her question. Tracy shakes her head. I feel so low of myself. I tell myself I don't deserve this but I love Nick. I'm still too in love to let go. Not now.

to yourself? You should be mad that he's using you for his own pleasure. You should be stopping

head and cried

come when he'll get tired of

sigh. "I don't know." I answer

know I ruined her Tracy." Nick

will. You should've known better Nick. She's only eighteen and

to, it's our choice. She's letting me do it anyways. I didn't even stop you from

my face with my hands. I'm so embarrassed. I don't want them to fight because of me. I

my sex life, Tracy. It's Savannah's sex life. It's not yours. It's ours! We can do what we want

You will give her false hope and women will always fall first as you see now. You will not only

I'm sobbing.

I'm crying.