Love Aint Always Pretty

Disaster

- a sudden or great misfortune or failure

Origin: Middle French and Old Latin

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On cliché situations, women would be in tears cos of extreme happiness. I mean, seeing your boyfriend kneeling before you asking you to marry him. Any girl's dream. Women would be gasping and would totally cry all out.

But I'm not crying cos of the reason that I'm happy cos he's asking me to marry him, I'm crying cos I pity Damon even more now that he asked me about marriage and I feel bad for what I've done. We didn't talk about this before. He didn't give me any hint to marry him. As I summer town my scattered thoughts, I reckoned that I had sex with Nick behind Damon's back, it just makes me even foolish.

I don't wanna marry you Damon.

I took a deep breath in as I wipe my tears. Seeing Damon kneeling before me. Seeing this man who loves me so much asking for my hand but I'm thinking about breaking up with him tonight cos I want to be with the man who always leaves me behind.

I stare at Damon looking up to me, waiting for my reply. He's waiting and he's wanting for me to say yes. I stare at everyone around us and all eyes were on me. All eyes were on us. I look back at Damon with his handsome smile.

Why do I couldn't love you the way you love me Damon?

"Yes." I say weakly.

Damon quickly pulled himself up and hugged me. I don't want to marry him but I only said that cos I pity him. In front of all these people, I don't want Damon to get embarrassed. He prepared a lot of things for me, he bought me this lovely dress, he set up this magnificent dinner date and he spent a short vacation with me cos I told him I needed it. Plus I don't want to look like a bad girlfriend in front of these people. Damon spent too much for one night. Even if I pay him everything he paid for, it wouldn't be enough cos he loves me so much and I couldn't pay him back that.

"I love you so much." He grabbed both of my cheeks and kissed me briefly.

"I... I love you too."

Later that night, Damon had fallen asleep on the bed after we had sex. I slipped myself out from the bed grabbed something to cover my naked body. I stand on our room's balcony, hugging myself with my long sweater as I look out to the resort's view at night with a glass of whiskey on my hand. I sigh heavily as I think deeply about Nick and the fact that I said yes to Damon asking me for marriage. Now that I think about it, I shouldn't have said yes.

This vacation should help me on not thinking about Nick but I always end up thinking about him and those words he said to me. I'm still hoping we'll get back together someday but how is it gonna happen when he's already married and I'm already engaged.

I pour myself another glass of whiskey as I try to simmer down my own thoughts and what just happened a while ago. I know I should stop thinking about Nick because I have Damon with me and I've been happy with Damon lately but now that Nick shows up again, I'm letting him invade my space once more. I'm letting him break down my walls that's already cracked.

I thought I've had enough about all those pain and betrayal that Nick caused me. I thought I've learned my lesson from what he has done. I thought I won't let him hurt me again. I thought that would be the last time I would fall for Nick and anything he tells me. I thought I've moved on, but why am I still running back to him after all these years?

"He's married Savannah." I tell myself.

I take a quick drink. "He's fucking married. Don't you get that?"

I sigh inwardly. "And you're already engaged."

I take a long drink from my glass.

"Don't tell me you'll wait for him again? Don't you think you've done enough for Nick? Don't you pity yourself?" I asked.

I pulled my phone out and stared at my home screen wallpaper, a photo of me and Damon taken from weeks ago. I love Damon. I do love Damon, I know I love Damon but I love Nick more than him and I don't know why I'm being too unfair to Damon. Damon has been there for me. Why can't I just love him much as I loved Nick?

I scanned through my directory, I searched through Nick's name on it. I stared at his old number that I never deleted cos I was hoping he would call. Despite the things he did, I'm still waiting for him to call me. How pathetic is that, right? I'm sure he changed it now. It's been so long since I texted him and he tried to reach me.

I feel so desperate to hear Nick's voice and just talk to him. Blame the drinks I had on my hand for making me do this.

Calling Nick...

Slowly I pulled it close to my ear and to my surprise it was ringing. I'm listening to his phone ringing. He's still using the same number. He didn't change it. But I quickly ended the call before he could answer it. I exhaled heavily and thought to myself how stupid I am to still do this behind Damon's back. I started massaging my temples before taking a long drink from my glass.

All of a sudden, I feel my phone vibrating on my hand. I take a look at it and the longer I stare at it, my heart feels like leaping out of the balcony.

Nick calling...

I gulped.

I let it ring for a while cos I loved seeing Nick's name appearing on my phone again that he's calling me after so many years. I finally caved in, biting my lower lip.

"Hello." He speaks.

time, he tried to call me. Hearing his groggy manly voice makes

He calls out

like I was in high school again hearing him

Why?" He

if I woke him up. I could imagine him with messy hair while he's rubbing his eyes as he holds his phone near his ear. I could imagine him with nothing on

calls out my

"Nick." I whisperingly say.

come to work

My brows furrowed. "How.."

my throat. "How

The manager said you left her an email that you're

I remained silent.

you?" He asked

from everything. I need to get away

He sighs.

us remained

leaving a note on short notice. But don't worry, I handled it

I nod. "Thanks."

anytime you want. But

I didn't answer him.

I'll miss

bite my lower

you Nick." I

hand for making me tell the truth but I don't really give a damn anymore. I don't care about what I'm going to say to him cos he knows I still love him and I'm sure he can

night when we did it, I know we still love each other Nick. I tried so hard to force myself that I'm over

listening to me. "I always end up missing you. I always end up loving you even

He sighs.

We're adults. We're not those college kids who used to just fuck around cos we're horny as hell."

do you love him?"

as I feel my tears gathering while shaking my head sideways

him more than me, Savannah?"

"No." I answered.

a deep breath. "But Nick please

want to go back to the past to make it all right between you and me, I would. But you ruined it. And it's too late now. We can't change what has happened. And you asking me to wait for you, is not even certain for

I ask you for this. One last time. Savannah

wait for. I still did." I choked a sob. "But all you ever did

I want to be with him, but this time

you still love me Nick and you know I love you too. I'll always love you. But this time, I'm not waiting for you anymore." I hate to

sob as I close

"Savannah... Please." He begs.

shake my head, I'm not giving in Nick.

Please." He

lids and it's falling down, soaking my

if it's

down low. I don't want to get engage to Damon after hearing those words from Nick's lips but I have to do this for me. Maybe in future's time I will forget about

voice

my tears right away and ended my call with Nick. I feel two hands holding my arms and Damon turned me around to face him. He stares at me eagerly and I just wish he doesn't notice that I was

are you still

couldn't sleep." I

"Is there something wrong?"

couldn't sleep cos I

my forehead. "We'll be preparing everything together don't worry about it. I'll

a dream wedding if Nick isn't the

inwardly and

•••••

stayed in my apartment the entire day. Damon went back to work and he said some things about planning the wedding within this week. He was so excited for it but I was still sulking when I think of how I said yes to Damon. I regretted the