Love Aint Always Pretty

The Heart Wants What It Wants

- She's saying that there's a lot of reasons she should finally leave him, and her mind knows it's not right, but she can't get her heart to stop wanting him. It's a mind over matter dilemma.

78

"Yes." I answer firmly.

My heart breaks into pieces as I answer him. My lips are saying words that I don't want to say in front of the man I love. As I answer him, I could feel his pain living inside his eyes. I was surprised that Dakota didn't tell Nick about it. I guess she didn't tell him about how she walked inside my office and humiliated me in front of her.

"When?" He asked.

"It's on the invitation card."

"No." He snapped.

He exhales heavily and walks in little circles while massaging his temples.

"I meant when did you plan this? Tell me, when was it? Savannah you knew how I felt about you and I told you the whole truth." He adds.

"Nick." I snapped, almost sounding like a yell. I took a deep breath in. "I can't. I just can't do this anymore."

I curl my fist behind my back. Don't cry. Don't show him your tears Savannah. You're stronger now. You're a strong woman. I scold myself.

"I can't wait for you anymore. I told you that." I added.

I try to bite my tongue for five seconds to avoid myself from crying before saying the next words to him.

"I'm tired of waiting for you. I'm tired of waiting for nothing from you, all the fucking time and yet you always fail me. This is so redundant and I'm so so tired with all of it. I'm so tired of getting tired! I may love you still, but please." I say weakly.

"Let me go." My voice shakes.

He didn't answer for a while and I just went silent.

"How can I let you go when you're all I have that I took advantage of?" He says to me.

I exhale. "You had me all along but you lost me not only once Nick. You always lose me."

"And now that I found someone for me, I'm not letting you break my personal space again. I'm happy with Damon. I came here to invite you and Mrs. Wilde personally on my wedding day." I add.

He didn't say anything.

"I would be happy to see you there Nick." I continued.

"Then what was that night for?" He asked as I see him hid in his years.

"We made love Savannah." He adds.

I shake my head. "We just fucked, Nick. It was just a one night stand and I don't want to remember it ever again. It was a mistake. I was drunk and I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry for such a wonderful night." He tells me.

Don't give in Savannah.

"I came here for that and now that you have it, I'd be happy seeing you both there." I say.

"Have a good day Mr. President." I marched my way to the door and left.

I exhaled heavily through my mouth and started leaving the door. I marched my way inside my office and my tears streamed down my face after holding it for so long. Goodness Savannah! Why do you still cry over Nick for god's sake? Why do you still get affected by him when it's been years?

•••••

Two weeks before my wedding, the wedding gown just arrived from Milan and I was staring at myself in front of the mirror. I loved it with all the sparkling crystals on it, even though I didn't really design it for myself. It was more of Damon's mom's ideas with a little help from my mom.

It sort of looked like, everyone was so excited and ecstatic about the wedding but not me. Everyone was so happy seeing their own gowns arriving. Everyone was looking forward for it aside from me. Everyone was busy for that day to come. Everyone went wedding gift shopping for us. Everyone was totally prepared. Everyone but not me.

I stare at myself longer at the huge mirror and imagined myself walking down the aisle for Nick as it slowly starts to fade away cos reality comes in. It's been weeks since the last time I saw him and it was on that day when I gave him the invitation card. After that, he didn't visit the office anymore even though Dakota wasn't around yet.

He's hurt, probably, but he has never been hurt the way I did.

"You look beautiful on this gown." I tell myself as I smile.

I exhale heavily. "Beautiful."

I stare at myself.

Savannah." I pulled my head

go and you're already Mrs. Patricks."

me and my girls were going to have our bachelorette party that was initiated by my college friends in NYU. I invited

they quickly dragged me to the room where everything was going to happen. Damon was also having his stag's party but it was on a different venue. I didn't really

enjoy this."

Savannah

on the couch. I had no idea what was going to happen but I'm sure as hell there's going to male strippers here tonight. All the other women were

ladies!" Helen says to all and

down. Settle down. Don't get wild." Erica

I sigh. Nick

because it is the

shrieked and cheered for

all have a toast for the luckiest woman on earth, to be married to the most amazing man I know. To Savannah and Damon." Helen makes a toast and all

and doing their thing right away without further adieu. They started stripping off their policeman

from the couch. They danced and grind against me but I just stood there laughing at myself and the other women who were

now, it kills me every time. I

and touching the male strippers' bodies. I was enjoying it for a few minutes. I didn't really mind at all, they're paid to

I found the hotel's bar lounge. I walked my way

ma'm?"

They're all having a bachelorette party upstairs in

bachelorette party

"Mine."

"You're getting married.

taking a long drink from my

be so happy. He's lucky to have

you." I tell

while I feel every lyric of it sing to me. I need to embrace reality and be happy of what's happening in my life and

bring back

and take these

arms to

nights are so

those nights when I held you beside

know I'd find

hear things but as I turned my head to my side, I found Nick sitting right next to me. He smiles at me and my heart accelerated

of whiskey please." He tells the

came." The bartender smiles

wish he

Un-break my heart

love me

this hurt you

you walked out that

out of my

Un-cry this tears

cried so many

not my fiancé." I

and started handing Nick

I

ahead. I didn't want to look at Nick again, I'd just probably just end up crying right in

bachelorette party's done?" He

went out

peripheral view, I see him taking a

you here?"

you'd be here. I

head to

a longer

bachelorette party Nick. For

I could be the one stripping

a while and started chuckling softly. I noticed that he smiles too. I glance at him and he was

back that sad word

back the joy to

me here with

and kiss

beautiful tonight."

behind my eyes.

"What

how much pain you caused