Love Aint Always Pretty

The Heart Wants What It Wants

- She's saying that there's a lot of reasons she should finally leave him, and her mind knows it's not right, but she can't get her heart to stop wanting him. It's a mind over matter dilemma.

78

"Yes." I answer firmly.

My heart breaks into pieces as I answer him. My lips are saying words that I don't want to say in front of the man I love. As I answer him, I could feel his pain living inside his eyes. I was surprised that Dakota didn't tell Nick about it. I guess she didn't tell him about how she walked inside my office and humiliated me in front of her.

"When?" He asked.

"It's on the invitation card."

"No." He snapped.

He exhales heavily and walks in little circles while massaging his temples.

"I meant when did you plan this? Tell me, when was it? Savannah you knew how I felt about you and I told you the whole truth." He adds.

"Nick." I snapped, almost sounding like a yell. I took a deep breath in. "I can't. I just can't do this anymore."

I curl my fist behind my back. Don't cry. Don't show him your tears Savannah. You're stronger now. You're a strong woman. I scold myself.

"I can't wait for you anymore. I told you that." I added.

I try to bite my tongue for five seconds to avoid myself from crying before saying the next words to him.

"I'm tired of waiting for you. I'm tired of waiting for nothing from you, all the fucking time and yet you always fail me. This is so redundant and I'm so so tired with all of it. I'm so tired of getting tired! I may love you still, but please." I say weakly.

"Let me go." My voice shakes.

He didn't answer for a while and I just went silent.

"How can I let you go when you're all I have that I took advantage of?" He says to me.

I exhale. "You had me all along but you lost me not only once Nick. You always lose me."

"And now that I found someone for me, I'm not letting you break my personal space again. I'm happy with Damon. I came here to invite you and Mrs. Wilde personally on my wedding day." I add.

He didn't say anything.

"I would be happy to see you there Nick." I continued.

"Then what was that night for?" He asked as I see him hid in his years.

"We made love Savannah." He adds.

I shake my head. "We just fucked, Nick. It was just a one night stand and I don't want to remember it ever again. It was a mistake. I was drunk and I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry for such a wonderful night." He tells me.

Don't give in Savannah.

"I came here for that and now that you have it, I'd be happy seeing you both there." I say.

"Have a good day Mr. President." I marched my way to the door and left.

I exhaled heavily through my mouth and started leaving the door. I marched my way inside my office and my tears streamed down my face after holding it for so long. Goodness Savannah! Why do you still cry over Nick for god's sake? Why do you still get affected by him when it's been years?

•••••

Two weeks before my wedding, the wedding gown just arrived from Milan and I was staring at myself in front of the mirror. I loved it with all the sparkling crystals on it, even though I didn't really design it for myself. It was more of Damon's mom's ideas with a little help from my mom.

It sort of looked like, everyone was so excited and ecstatic about the wedding but not me. Everyone was so happy seeing their own gowns arriving. Everyone was looking forward for it aside from me. Everyone was busy for that day to come. Everyone went wedding gift shopping for us. Everyone was totally prepared. Everyone but not me.

I stare at myself longer at the huge mirror and imagined myself walking down the aisle for Nick as it slowly starts to fade away cos reality comes in. It's been weeks since the last time I saw him and it was on that day when I gave him the invitation card. After that, he didn't visit the office anymore even though Dakota wasn't around yet.

He's hurt, probably, but he has never been hurt the way I did.

"You look beautiful on this gown." I tell myself as I smile.

I exhale heavily. "Beautiful."

I stare at myself.

I pulled my head

week to go and you're already

to have our bachelorette party that was initiated by my college friends in NYU. I invited a few from my high school friends as

where everything was going to happen. Damon was also having his stag's party but it was on a different venue. I didn't really cared about him screwing other women tonight because I trust him and I did it once behind his back as

gonna enjoy

sucks so bad that Savannah is getting married too

happen but I'm sure as hell there's going to male strippers here tonight. All the other women were giddy but I just sat here with a

to all and she was answered with

Don't get wild."

I sigh. Nick

is the night

shrieked and

amazing man I know. To Savannah and Damon." Helen makes a toast and all of us

thing right away without further adieu. They started stripping off their policeman outfit, imagine Magic Mike, that's how these men are dancing right before us

me up from the couch. They danced and grind against me but I just stood there laughing at myself and the other women who were obviously going crazy about

days from now, it kills me every time. I have been literally trying to force

music and so much grinding on top of my lap. I was laughing and touching the male strippers' bodies. I was enjoying it for a few minutes. I didn't really mind at all, they're paid to do it and we can touch freely.

until I found the hotel's bar lounge. I walked my way

alone ma'm?" The

nod. "Yeah. They're all having a bachelorette party upstairs in the hotel room

bachelorette party

"Mine."

"You're getting married. Congrats

a long

must be so happy. He's lucky to have

I tell

the female singer as she sings soulfully the song Un-break My Heart while I feel every lyric of it sing to me. I need to embrace reality and

bring back

take these

need your arms

nights are so

back those nights when I held

I'd find

voice as I finished my glass of alcohol. I thought I was starting to hear things but as I turned my head to my side, I found Nick sitting right next to me. He smiles at me and my heart accelerated so fast. He appears so causally as if we didn't talk about my upcoming

glass of whiskey please." He tells the

fiancé has came." The

wish he was

Un-break my heart

you love

hurt

you walked out

out of my

Un-cry this tears

cried so

fiancé." I

started handing Nick his

I say

straight ahead. I didn't want to look at Nick again, I'd just probably just end up crying right in

party's done?" He

went out

him taking a

are you

"Tracy told me you'd be here. I was hoping

his head to me. "And

a longer

Nick. For

I could be the

chuckling softly. I noticed that he smiles too. I glance at him and he was already looking at me

that sad

joy to

here

and kiss

beautiful tonight." He

I feel my tears building up behind my eyes. I smile. "You know

sighs. "What is

you caused me, but damn..." I look